Reference :- The Sky Reply offers an article to cutting edge news anchor Alan Jones .

Reference :-   Jonesie is a busy gentleman , and might  appreciate being gifted a ready made and meticulously researched article about coronavirus .

 Good morning Jonesie .   To show our appreciation for the way you present the science of climate change to the great unwashed , we enclose herewith an article which you may use gratis .

"   We are told that 97% of the worlds scientists fear a coronavirus pandemic .   But who are these quacks ?  I will tell you who they are . They are  the paid shills of the face mask  and hand sanitiser  industry .  Face mask sales have been falling  as the bushfires end .  But now we are told we need them to prevent a pandemic . Do you think that's just a coincidence ?   Do you know how many cases of coronavirus have been confirmed in Australia ?    Less than thirty ! That's right , less than thirty . And do you know how many China has had  ?  Almost  80,000.   That's right  , 80,000.  We are not even a drop in the ocean compared with China , so why should we care ?
 And if that's not bad enough  , the government is using this so called pandemic as an excuse to explain why they are failing to give us the budget surplus .  That's right , the budget surplus they promised us at the last election .  Well they can shove their face masks down their throats , and that hand sanitiser poppycock won't wash with me .   And you know who's going to be paying for this disgraceful con ?   That's right , you !    You the taxpayer will foot the bill !   It's a bloody disgrace .  China's economy is slowing as it's brutal communist regime  inevitably fails , like the left always does .   And they want  aussie  battlers who are doing it tough , aussie battlers who pay too much for their electricity because of stupid green policies , they want aussie battlers to cough up for their mistakes .
Well I have spoken recently with one of the world's  leading homeopath .  He has a masters degree in hydromemory and is the scientist who first discovered that when crystal dangling in the southern hemisphere you have to read the crystals upside down.   He has pointed this out.   A virus is only one ten millionth the size of  a human being .   That's only . 000001%   .   That's right ,  .000001%  . !   And we are expected to believe one of them can kill a person .   It's ridiculous , that's what it is .    A mouse can't kill somebody , and these viruses are a million times smaller .
The green left has got to Scott Morrison and now he is pandering to them with this rubbish , this utter garbage about so called pandemics .   Don't be fooled , this is just another ploy , another attempt to snatch and grab more of your hard earned pay with another tax .  I am  Alan Jones . "

You are obviously welcome to edit as you please , Alan , but we reckon it won't need much .

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Workers have been told that complicated awards are responsible for accidental wage theft .

Reference :-   Wage theft by big companies , and small , is estimated to exceed 1.35 billion quid every year in Australia .

 The Sky Reply is not in the habit of singling out specific offenders in such sensitive matters .   But stuff it , Woolworths appears to have underpaid it's staff by 300 or 400 million and that seems like a lot for one company .   Did their accountants wonder why their profit projections were pessimistic to the tune of nearly half a billion ?  Or did they figure they must have sold more of their new line of tofu burgers than expected .  Maybe their accountants studied at the same place as Angus Taylor back when he thought he was close friends with Naomi Wolf . That would explain their lack of proficiency with mathematics .

 Never chastened  , the conservative press has been quick to blame the usual suspects .  Not the pricks who stole the money , of course , but  the government for introducing too many regulations , and the unions for demanding overly complex awards .   The award for cleaners must be especially regulated and complex , since they have been robbed more often  than most .

Well , who can say ?   Maybe a computer that can keep tabs on thousands of items of stock , their expiry dates , their prices and specials and loyalty rewards , their profit margins,  their sales volumes relative to other brands , their seasonal availability , their wholesale price fluctuations , their popularity by postcode , their rate of return , their position on the shelves , the style of their packaging , their rate of breakage ,  their cost of transport and their association with the purchase of other products  etc  ...... just can't work out how to avoid underpaying  the person who mops the floors.  Though , apparently it is easy enough to work out how to avoid  overpaying  them .

My son , Ken junior , is curious to know if any of the CEOs of these big companies have been underpaid for years .   He says that their salaries must be very complicated , with large sums  , fringe benefits and associated taxes ,  travel expenses , share options , bonuses and the suchlike .   That would appear to be far more complex than the cleaner's award , so I guess those CEOs must have been getting  overpaid , I mean underpaid , for years also .

  Ken junior reckons somebody should look into that .      Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- As the coronavirus spread , The Sky Reply team researched the global response to previous flu epidemics .

Reference :-    The markets have reacted badly to news of the spreading coronavirus .  And the cost to the economy is likely to be huge .

 The Sky Reply team decided to look through hundreds of old newspaper articles from the 1918 to 1920  "Spanish Flu " epidemic .  We were keen to see the focus of the articles , in case authorities are  reacting differently a century later . And they are .  Nowhere did we find old headlines expressing alarm about 
 "  The Market" or the economy .  The focus was entirely on people , not share portfolios or budget surpluses .

 Not that there was no damage to the financial sector , it's just that in those days people didn't seem to care as much about things like Dow Jones Indices or  Nasdaq Composites .   Well obviously we do now , since as we all know ,  living human beings are sometimes useful  , but the health of "The Market" is what really matters .

 Fortunately for us , investment guru Ray Dalio has done the hard work , and dug out the economic figures from that pandemic of long ago .  He has plotted graphs in an attempt to model the likely effect of a pandemic on share prices today . It could be bad news for those with extensive portfolios .

  But thinking again , we don't boast vast share portfolios out here at Kooralya , so we couldn't give a rat's what happens to the Dow Jones .   And what a relief it is to not have to worry.    We will be happy eating our  baked beans on toast,  as long as nobody gets sick .    

      Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Scientists are shocked by the rate of the ice melt on Eagle Island in the Antarctic.

Reference :-   Eagle Island looks rather bald right now , and devoid of ice .  The rate of ice loss there has tripled over the past five years .  Sky News weather expert , Rowan Dean will have an explanation .

Rowan , for a young chap you certainly  bristle with confident authority .   I like the way you sneer at the scientists , and do so  without appearing bitter about the fact that your own qualifications don't include much in the way of recognised training .   I guess that's why you prefer to interview the other Sky News Anchors , who share your views , and your level of training . 

 Anyway Rowan , my son , Ken Junior , has pointed out that the ice in some place called Eagle Island  ( in the Antarctic ) is melting faster than a dollop of butter on a hot BBQ plate .   Clearly that is just a local anomaly which I am sure you can readily explain without resorting to any tedious use of scientific jargon  .   Science has it's place .  But as we grown ups know , though science  often sounds good
 " in theory " it takes a practical chap like you to expose it's foolishness.

Since it won't take long for you to clear that up for us , I have another question for you.
A mate of mine , Harry , has been getting a lot of headaches lately .  At first we thought it was that bad batch of rum we brewed a few months ago ,which seemed a trifle strong if you ask me .  I gave my share to Ken junior's mate , Monte ( the motorcyclist )  and after he leaned off the carburettor his
Yamaha ran like a dream on the stuff.   But Harry drank his .

The specialist in the big smoke reckons the rum has nothing to do with Harry's headaches .  He reckons he has a leptomeningeal metastasis from an anaplastic pilocytic astrocytoma.  Harry has been booked in for surgery and doesn't want to go , so I suggested he get a second opinion .

So Rowan , could you tell me if you would recommend surgery or something else for one of these brain tumour things ?    These brain scientists probably get carried away at times , and a nice practical assessment by somebody of intellect who has not been indoctrinated in one of those leftie infested universities would be invaluable .

 You might need to consult the stars or a homeopath or something , so I don't expect a quick reply .
 However , try to make it this week,  since the doctors say Harry's middle meningeal artery might rupture and kill him if they don't operate soon .      I hope I got all the spelling right.

Your comrade , Ken   

Reference :- The northern hemishere is experiencing record cold spells .

Reference :-  Mellow mannered meteorology messenger Rowan Dean proved the climate is not changing.

Well researched Rowan.   Over 600 record low temperatures have already been  measured this winter in the northern hemisphere, you tell us  .   That is precisely what the scientists predicted after the record summer heat that buggered the polar vortex .   There were over 400 record high temperatures in the north last year , and the science predicted that record cold spells would follow as the polar vortex broke down  . Looks like the scientists were right on the money there Rowan .  

That makes over 1000 new temperature records for the northern hemisphere in less than twelve months .  But would you call that a change in anything , like maybe the climate , for example  ?    I defer to your greater understanding of matters meteorological , no doubt gleaned during your intensive training as a slick advertising guru and neoliberal  philosopher  .

 But Rowan , can you just quickly explain  how a thousand new temperature records don't indicate a change in the climate ?    My son , Ken junior , and his mates have been laughing their heads off at you and your similarly  qualified offsider , that nice Rita girl , and I need some ammunition with which to fight back on your behalf .

And make it snappy if you can , we have a wager running and if you can't come up with something half plausible I will have to pony up for delivered pizzas during this Friday's Scrabble game .  And the lads here at The Sky Reply always order those expensive ones with anchovies .

 Thanking you in anticipation , Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Australia is about to lead the world with technology for adapting to climate change .

Reference :-    Our government is adamant  that Australia's  emission targets  have been set , and are not negotiable .  Instead, Mr Morrison wants investment  in new technology to help us adapt to climate change. .

Well Mr Morrison , sir ,  that should let you get away with doing nothing .  You have already spent over 5 billion quid on various grants , projects and subsidies that are hidden from public scrutiny .  That figure is similar to the amount you have pulled out of research funding for Universities .  To me that indicates a responsible attitude to budgeting .  Like when you tell kids on the NDIS that they cant get their wheelchairs quite yet , since the budget surplus is threatened and there are still lots of golf clubs in Tory electorates that need the restaurants revamped .

Do you remember  Mr Turnbull ?  He is the gentleman who patted you on the back and thanked you for your loyal support a few days before you took his job from him .   Well he shoveled 500 million  in the direction of a few mates , sans tender,  to save the barrier reef .  We haven't heard much about the reef since then , or the 500 million .   Perhaps it is because the reef has been saved and no longer features in the news since it is now pristine .

Anyway , if Mr Turnbull can pull a swifty like that to save his breeches in the polls , so can you .
Thankfully , as the New York Times recently informed us , Australia is now probably the most secretive democracy in the world .    That means you can pour a couple of billion into any pockets you choose , and simple say "  We have invested in developing new technology to address climate change . "     There will be no need for further elaboration  .   Perhaps you can find a few of those captains of industry who have saved the barrier reef , and slip them the cash in return for a few generous  donations ahead of the next election .     Mr Turnbull probably still has their mobile numbers , and they probably aren't all in the Cayman Islands just yet .

Don't forget to remind everybody that there will be plenty of jobs in the new technology , and that no jobs in the old technology will be lost .  It's the best of both worlds .  

 Your comrade , Ken
 






   

Reference :- General Motors has shut down Holden , without prior discussion with Prime Minister Morrison .

Reference : -  The sudden termination of a national manufacturing icon has annoyed our Prime Minister .  Is he worried about getting spare parts for his government limousines ?  No he is not .


Those big company executives treated you very badly Mr Morrison .   At least they could have chatted with you about it for a week or two, even if they already had their minds made up.  Now you look like a lightweight bereft of international respect .  And the buggers soaked up billions in subsidies and other support over the years . That money could have gone somewhere in need , like the fossil fuel industry .

Sky News presenter  ( and great fan of yours )  Paul Murray almost cried on set when he described the demise of Holden .    It made me wonder if you will have trouble getting parts for your limousines .  But then ,  I looked it up and discovered that since the Tories snatched the reins of power you have been using cars made by BMW , and not Holden, as in the past .

 It was pointed out by Mr Abbott's team that after careful analysis they found it was cheaper for the taxpayer if they bought BMWs  instead of Holdens .     I wish my mate Trevor knew that , or he would have bought a BMW to use on the farm instead of the Holden .  Every penny counts when you are running on a tight budget .

Without appearing to be critical , however , do you think it sends a poor message when the Prime Minister doesn't want to drive a car made in his own country ?   Or when town councils buy thousands of Audis and Volkswagons for the staff to thrash about , and shun the local product ?
It wouldn't help sales either . 

Well who knows ?   We need to ask those  " quiet Australians " you are always on about .    But we don't have many of those here in Kooralya .    My son , Ken junior , ran one of his regular polls , and asked people to say whether or not they identified as a " quiet Australian " .    Nobody said they did , except for old Stanley who ticked  "yes " while attempting  to laugh  .  Stanley has been deaf and mute ever since the stroke he had a few years back .   He still has a sense of humour though .

It might sound a bit soppy , but I really miss the days when the likes of Bob Hawke and Paul Keating were chauffeured around in Australian made cars .    Paul was quite a car enthusiast , and liked tearing about in British  sports cars as a lad . But he remained faithful to the local product when selecting cars for official use .   I guess that's what you see when a prime minister is a true patriot , and not  just somebody pretending to be like a nice average bloke in order to score votes .

 Happy motoring .   Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Global warming denial is starting to wane in the halls of power , and Sky News.

Reference : -   The Sky Reply offers a useful model for plotting the reaction of conservatives as they start to accept an unwelcome scientific consensus .

Fifty years ago psychiatrist  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described five stages of grief that terminally ill patients experience when they are given their diagnosis .

 The team at the Sky Reply considers that conservatives  (  there are many we could use as an example , but the lads all want to run with Andy Bolt ) are  passing through the same stages of grief .    Many are beginning to realise that we only have so long to act before the ecosystem that supports our species of anxiety prone apes dies .  And by ''so long"  , we mean "not long ".

 Outlined below are the five stages . It might be helpful to mentally picture Andy Bolt as we highlight each of these stages .

    1    DENIAL     This would manifest in a manner similar to this . eg
    - It is no hotter now than in the past .  Here's a reference to a poem that proves it .  And a measurement from the tin dash of a Model T Ford in 1909 that proves it was hotter then .  The scientists are lying so they can get funding , or something . It can't be true .-

  2.   ANGER        We see plenty of that , as below .  eg
     - These climate alarmists should be locked up , and denied social security . It is their stupid green policies that caused the fires anyway   .  ( Sometimes seen in conjunction with stage 1 ,  e.g   They are blocking the streets , and fires were worse in the past anyway . ) -

 3.   BARGAINING      .  A word generally  associated with money  . eg

       -Alright , it is getting hotter . But that is not all bad .  We can grow avocados  in Greenland .
       Besides it will cost too much to transition to renewables .
   And the poor in India deserve cheap coal . They will need it to power bore pumps when the Ganges runs dry .  And what about the budget surplus?   (  Often overlaps with stages  1 and 2  ,   e.g  It makes me angry to think  that  one day I might have to deny myself a new jetski  just because some stupid scientist says  the climate is changing . ) -

 4.    DEPRESSION         Often involves hitting the booze in an attempt to cope .  

   Evidenced by slurred speech and giggling at puerile jokes during interviews with supposed experts who can boast the scientific qualifications of a caterpillar .   ( Apologies if you are now picturing Andy's cruel snicker .... we are almost finished . )

 5.    ACCEPTANCE        Yet to be seen .

     Requires a degree of mental flexibilty that some people don't possess.
     And probably a decline in  the number of overpaid elitist fools urinating in the global hot tub .

   This seems like a good time to relax with a cuppa , and listen to our new Val Doonican record.

    One can only contemplate Sky News for short periods without being driven to look for a stout rope, a sturdy beam , and a suitably wobbly chair .   

 Your comrade , Ken

                                                     

             

  

 

Reference :- Icon in global affairs and fledgling Prime Minister , Mr Scott Morrison faces more allegations of pork barrelling .

Reference  : -   It seems that another huge sum was fed to marginal electorates under the banner of environmental funding prior to the last election .

 Good morning again Mr Morrison , sir .   You must be annoyed by all these allegations of abusing the public purse . And to make it worse , it's another figure of 100 million quid that has gone astray.  My son ,  Ken junior ,says it might be wise to have the keypad on your laptop checked , since the "zero " key might be entering more than once each time you hit it .     

 Ken junior is pretty good with figures . He once said he wouldn't mind being an economist when he grows up , but his mate , Gabbo , (the aborigine ) told him not to be silly .   He says the numbers work is done by low paid clerks , and the role of an economist is to relentlessly promote policies  of neoliberal austerity and corporate socialism .   I guess that might explain why , forced to ad lib , our leaders in government often get the figures wrong on a logarithmic scale , as Mr Angus Taylor can attest .

 Anyway , enough of that .  Ken junior has crunched the numbers , and figures that the total of the rorts so far revealed (  lets hope there are no more )  rounds to 350 million quid .   Simple arithmetic  shows that each of the bought votes that got you elected cost about 300 quid .    That is quite a handy sum for the average citizen out here at Kooralya .

 So , Mr Morrison sir , Gabbo has come up with this great idea .   Since many of the electorates that received grant money hadn't even applied for a grant , he reckons we can bypass that laborious  application and assessment process .   Why not just buy our votes with 300 quid mailed to each voter in "Kooralya "  ahead of the next election ?    It will save a lot of mucking about , and mucking about always involves  additional costs , so think of the savings .

 One last thing . We would prefer cash rather than cheques , since our local bank closed years ago and we have nowhere to present a bank draft .

  I have no idea why the bank closed down , since it was experiencing a good run if you ask me .     

  Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Firefighter Paul Parker has been sacked from the fire brigade .

Reference : -   Using unacceptable language has lost Paul Parker his job.  Was it really the language or was it who the language was directed towards that was the problem ?


 Fortunately the lads here at The Sky Reply have been able to confirm that exhausted firefighters in the heat of uncontrollable conflagrations ,while lives and property are tragically lost despite their best efforts, always remain quite restrained with their language .

It happened like this .  Ken junior ,  and his mates Monte and Gabbo  ,were helping some firefighters while the local dance hall burnt down . Monte accidently bumped his mobile phone and turned it to " record " during the chaos .  He has been kind enough to transpose part of the conversation to prove that Mr Barker had indeed breached the standard for acceptable discourse on such occasions .   The names have been changed following legal threats of crippling litigious class actions .


"  Hey Trevor ,  take care , that burning wall is about to crush  you ".

"  Many thanks for that Graham ,  and might I add that your pants are on fire "

"  Oh silly me , I thought they were impregnated with fire retardant and couldn't burn "

 "  Pardon the jocularity , but the only retard here is you "

  " Hoho , I am amused by your presumption , you are quite a wit at times  Graham "

And on it goes . As you can see , this typical conversation does illustrate that Mr Parker was out of line .    Mind you,  if I was Mr Morrison , I would intervene and give Mr Parker back his job . 
Most of the country not only forgives him , but thought he was being too restrained .
Restoring his job is a gesture that might scratch a few desperately needed votes from from the bottom of the political frying pan .   

 Your comrade , Ken

 


  

Reference :- Andy Bolt admitted there is climate change .

Reference :-     Apparently , Andy Bolt tells us , he has been saying the planet is warming for ages but we weren't listening to him . 

 Andy , it takes a courageous man to admit he has been full of crap for years , and it would be unfair of us to hold you to such high standards .  No apology is expected .   You say we must not have heard you each time you agreed that the world was warming .   I guess it must be because of all the noise you and the Sky News team keep making as you berate  97%  of the world scientists for being the moronic pawns in a leftie climate conspiracy .   So now you are saying that they are correct  about global warming .....or rather, reconfirming that you have always said that they were correct  . But then you say they are drawing the wrong conclusions from the data .

 You first ridiculed the data , but finally agreed with it .  Now you think the scientific  interpretation of the data is wrong . I guess that will keep the leftie climate change alarmist stories rolling for longer .

Well I am glad that is all cleared up . For awhile it was confusing .
  I see that your new spin is that global warming produces useful changes . 
 That is good news indeed for farmers in Greenland , but what about the estimated 20 billion quid Australia is expected to lose from agricultural production over the next decade alone ?

 Or are the scientists wrong about that  Andy ?  I mean they can't keep making you look like a dickhead forever . Surely you will be right about something sooner or later .    

 Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Backpackers from around the world will help us rebuild after the fires , said Mr Morrison .

Reference :-   Holidaying foreign students will be encouraged to work here and help us restore the nation's infrastructure after the devastating fires.

Good idea Mr Morrison , sir . That sure gives us confidence that the country is capably managed .   All the great countries in the OECD  probably have to rope in hordes of poorly paid foreign teenagers to rebuild their nation from time to time when they stuff up and everything burns down  .   So there is no shame in that .

 Though you will have a task ahead of you  trying to persuade holidaying students that hauling rusty sheets of corrugated iron out of piles of stinking ash is more fun than partying on a beach in Thailand .  But dodgy sales pitches are your forte and I reckon you are up to it .

 My son , Ken junior , pricked his ears when he heard that lots of foreign backpackers may be heading out to Kooralya  to help out .  He thinks it is a fantastic idea , and can't wait to see them turning up .  He has a few suggestions that you might like to take on board .

 Obviously we can't accept anyone from China , with all that  coronavirus fiasco, so Ken junior suggests we concentrate on encouraging students from those liberal Scandinavian countries . He says he is always impressed by the healthy physiques of those blonde backpackers from Nordic climes .
 He says you can encourage them by offering a complimentary tetanus booster shot and a bag containing 50 plus sunscreen and a snake bite kit once they have got past the machine guns of border force command control , which I believe is what they call passport and customs check these days .

 There may be some issues with medical  insurance should a backpacker be crushed beneath a collapsing roof or the suchlike .   Ken junior says you could promise them compensation via the National Disability Insurance Scheme . This will put minds at ease , and save you having to fork out any assistance until they come off the waiting list .  By then they will be back home with their own free health care , and probably on an old age pension as well.

Lastly ,the locals have decided to rename the pub  the  " Kooralya  Vertshus "  , which scandinavians would recognise as meaning  "ale house"  .  This is sure to make them feel more at home each evening when they are washing the ash from their mouths with an ice cold schooner of our locally brewed duty free lager .    

  Your comrade , Ken

 

Reference:- Our incomparable Prime Minister and trainee empathiser has misled the public yet again .

Reference : -  Considering all the economics degrees gracing parliament these days, there seem to be a lot of mistakes with numbers .

Well golly , Mr Morrison , sir .    Don't you just hate  the way the press is now harping on about how you misled everybody when you said 100 % of that 100 million in sports grant money went to eligible clubs ?   It looks awful when they point out  that 43% of the clubs that received grants were in fact ineligible , but clearly that means 57% were eligible .   That's well over pass mark in most exams , as far as I am aware .    Well economics ones at least .  I mean , if a surgeon had 43% of his patients die on the table , or an engineer had 43% of his dams collapse that would be utterly unacceptable .

But economics is a different bucket of prawns .   Now that the fundamentals of neoliberalism have become entrenched ,  the western economies operate via a model they call the economic cycle .   This means the economy grows for a few years and then goes into recession for a few in an endless series of unmanageable cycles . These cycles  cause chaos and despair for many, and waste diminishing resources and expensive infrastructure .
 It sounds like a pretty crap system to me .  Even an economist with the credentials and ego that Alan Greenspan boasts has admitted that he made the wrong decisions about a third of the time .   ( Later he admitted that the entire economic model he relied on was wrong ,  though criticising free market capitalism is so unthinkable that it might mean he is losing his marbles.  )

In the light of that , only being 57% accurate when discussing a sports grant rort is simply the industry standard for someone with your qualifications .    If I were you Mr Morrison , I would point this out now , so that when all your other predictions about the economy are not fully realized , people are already clued up and expect no better .

My son , Ken junior ,  has noticed that there is a lot of talk about whether your promised budget surplus will still appear .   Not that we wanted or needed one anyway , but you did  , and a  promise is a promise  after all.      Doubtless there will be lots of talk about fires , floods, droughts, corona virus, plummeting tourist numbers and so forth .  Ken junior reckons you might try to blame Labor and the Greens , which is like the driver blaming the back seat passengers for steering the car off a cliff.      But he has another idea .  He reckons , behave  like Donald Trump ,  and simply lie .  Say that you have kept your commitment to the Australian people and achieved a budget surplus of whatever made up figure you think sounds plausible .   You might be able to juggle the statistics  around to give the figure a facade of legitimacy , but why bother ?

 Ken junior often tells the transient European backpackers who work as barmaids at the Kooralya pub that we own all the land between here and Brisbane , and all the farmers are our tenants .
 How are they to know the truth ?    I don't mind backing up his claim on occasion .
And if it smooths the path to romance , what harm has been done ?

One last thing.   Don't quit your empathy training classes just yet.  You have a way to go before passing the 50% mark in that particular subject . 

 Your comrade ,  Ken


   


    




 

Reference :- Andy Bolt and soul mate Rowan Dean laughed hysterically at indigenous playwrights .

Reference :-  One of the contributing editors at The Sky Reply extends an invitation to Andy Bolt .


Andy , it's nice to see you and Rowan Dean having a good laugh together ,  Good on you for being brave in your declining years .  And good on Rowan for being your guest again ,  now that you can't coax anybody with more than half a brain into your studio  .  Especially when your report is another rant that recklessly slaps the pinata of racial vilification .

Here at The Sky Reply we cherish freedom of  speech , which means we would always defend your right to be a giggling semi coherent hate monger .   And you are good at it , as the comments by your viewers attest .   Please allow me  a small observation , however .    Were you gentleman half plastered ?   The slurring of words and general hilarity at the expense of others gave the impression that you had hit the bottle prior to the camera rolling .   A bit of dutch courage  does help when your career is waning , but  please remain sober enough to articulate adequately .  It detracts from your brand of sneering superiority and , quite frankly , makes you look like a dickhead .

 Anyway , let's put this sad episode behind us .    One of the editors here at The Sky Reply is indigenous . His name is Gabbo , and we often seek his advice . ( He is a smart lad for his age . )
 Each year , out here at Kooralya ,we have a bit of a sports day . People come from miles around , and camp by the creek .  We don' t have much in the way of state of the art sporting facilities , like some places .  We can only dream of building 700 million dollar football stadiums and pulling them down a few years later because one of the toilets is blocked .
 But we have a lot of fun , and run competitions that don't require many amenities .  Everybody out here is kept pretty busy , and we don't have the time to apply for corrupt infrastructure projects . 

 To show there are no hard feelings , Gabbo ( the aborigine ) has asked you to partner him in the annual Nude Piggy Back Race , which is the premiere event of the weekend .  It's like our Melbourne Cup, except nobody has ever broken a leg and been shot , and people don't get quite as rat arsed .    I reckon it's a great offer . Gabbo is light , so carrying him will be easy , and the video is bound to go viral .  It will clear you immediately of any accusations of racial vilification . And don't worry , you wont be entirely naked .   Gabbo has made you a hat with the aboriginal flag on it ,  and is also prepared to pony up for the entry fee , in  return for a 50% stake in the film rights .

 Since the ute is bogged in the backyard , Ken junior's mate Monte has offered to pick you up from the bus depot and bring you to our place on his motorbike , so pack light .  And tell Monte to take the shortest route , or he is likely to run you past the old stockyards and do wheelies to show off.

Looking forward to seeing you Andy .  We are all brothers at heart , and an event like this really suits your sense of humour .  It's all a giggle .   

 Your comrade , Ken  

Reference :- As with the fires , there is apparently nothing unprecedented about the floods .

Reference :-   Andy Bolt has pointed out that climate change is just the new fad .

It sure is flooding here in  Kooralya Andy .  But you will be pleased to hear we never use the word "unprecedented ", which always reveals a lack of perspective .  Even if we haven't seen a worse flood during our own short lifetime,  doubtless some day in the past a diprotodon was swept to its doom as Kooralya creek burst it banks .   You won't catch us using hyperbole here . Not in a million years .

My son ,Ken junior,  can't wait for all the discussion about how we have had worse floods before , and is looking forward to seeing lots of tragic historic footage of people in sepia coloured clothes
getting their horses bogged or watching their hut get swept away .

Of course the insurance council has declared no less than 6 national emergencies in the last five months , and is now bleating on about record rainfall.   But that is just the usual rhetoric they use in the hope of gleaning sympathy .  I feel sorry for all those thousands of citizens in Sydney without power for days , but some of the media carries on as though this is " unprecedented " and the  hyperbole is annoying .        It's like watching somebody on the Titanic panic because a little  water is flooding into their cabin  , when the cabins  at the other end of the ship became completely submerged an hour ago. 

My son Ken junior , can't wait for what he wittily refers to as " the historic battle "  when Sky News presents all the evidence to prove  that , historically , the floods and blackouts have been worse in the past , so no need to blame climate change .  Personally I don't know what to think ,  you can't trust the media these days and maybe they were also dodgy , and exaggerated disasters , back in the days of yore .     I guess we will never know.

 Anyway Andy , Ken junior has done a bit of preliminary research which you are welcome to use . Though the current blackouts might have a few thousand people annoyed , he has discovered that from  July 1798 to July 1799  all of Sydney was without power . That is an entire year . Makes a few days now look far from "unprecedented " doesn't it ?      Keep up the good work  . 

 Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- There is nothing like a rainy day to make a bloke philosophical .

Reference : -  The doctored video of Ms Pelosi that President Trump posted on Facebook sure tickled the fancy of Sky Anchor Paul Murray .  But what to make of it ?

That was an easy story for you today Paul,  well presented with that fake childlike sadness intended to pluck the heartstrings of your handful of followers .  The lads and I have been discussing the ethics of this new zeal for doctoring videos , now that plain lies are old hat .   Stuck at home  in the rain ( and we can't even drive to the pub because the ute is bogged in the backyard  ) we have plenty of time for contemplation .  The lads reckon that while there is the opportunity to check for lies by viewing actual video footage of an event , things have not turned completely totalitarian . But once it is acceptable to alter historic footage for personal gain , we are up that anecdotal stream of effluent paddling with our hands  .

The corrupted  footage to which I refer shows Ms Pelosi tearing up more of Mr Trump's speech each time he hands out an honour .  The actual footage shows that Ms Pelosi didn't do that . In fact she even stood up and applauded at times .

 My son , Ken junior  , realising  that  doctoring historic videos is now socially acceptable has busied himself during the rain by editing the video we took of the last Kooralya School Eisteddfod .   Ken junior's mate , Gabbo  ( the aborigine ) easily won with his traditional /rock fusion  music using didgeridoo and electric guitar at the same time . You should have seen him  . The audience went mad , and the applause nearly brought the hall down .   ( It wouldn't be hard since it's full of borers and the corrugated iron is loose , but you know what I mean ...  A shame we missed out on our grant application .  )

Young Monte (  the motorcyclist )  adapted Banjo Patterson's poem  "  Mulga Bill''s Bicycle "  and called it    " Mulga Bill's 650 Kawasaki "  .    You should have heard everybody  laugh when he described  the throttle sticking at 9000 RPM as "it bolted clean away " .      Monte came second in the contest , but my son ( Ken junior )  didn't do too well . His rendition of the Jimi Hendrix  classic
"Purple Haze "  played on the mouth organ was a total flop .   In fairness , I think the acoustics of the hall were not suited to the piece , which really requires  the intimacy of a high class bordello to be fully appreciated .

 Anyway , Ken junior has doctored the video , so that the awkward silence after his performance appears after Monte's  poem .   The wild laughter that followed Monte's poetry reading  now appears after Gabbo' s fabulous fusion music , making him look foolish .  And the huge applause Gabbo did receive is spliced straight in front of Ken junior on his mouth organ. 

You know ,  I won't tell Ken junior , but I don't think it works .  It makes the whole Eisteddfod look like a farce .

 Rather like the news these days Paul , don't you think ?     

  Your comrade ,  Ken

Reference :- There has been a controversy here at The Sky Reply office .

Reference :-     Vice President , Mr Mike Pence made a remark that caused friction within the Sky Reply team .

With all the flooding rain here in Kooralya , the creek has come up , and everybody is stuck in the office with the roof leaking into an old billy sitting on the table .   The water is dark because of the ash from the fires , so no good for a cuppa .  I hope the tank water is not the same .

Anyway, the lads  have  a slight dose of cabin fever , and it didn't take much to start a barney when my son , Ken junior,  blurted out that he hated the way Mike Pence had lied about not seeing Nancy Pelosi tear up President Trump's state of the union fable  .   Ken junior's mate , Monte ( the motorcyclist )  reckoned if Mr Pence said he hadn't seen it , he should know , and why would he lie ?

His other mate , Gabbo ( the aborigine ) said that the only way to settle the blue was to watch the video , which has probably been viewed more times than that episode of " Get Smart " where Max and 99 have to share a motel room .

Gabbo never gets aggro , and tried to calm everybody with a bit of a joke .    He said  that after listening to both the President and Senator Bernie Sanders, he figures the american economy must be like schrodinger's cat .   It must be simultaneously booming and wrecked , until you lift the lid on the figures and it collapses into a state of reality .

Monte didn't get the joke , but everybody calmed down and we watched the video which unambiguously confirms that Mr Pence did glance nervously , twice , then deliberately looked away not knowing how to react.

Well it's no big deal , I guess,  and just another lie to add to the lengthy list .  But if a bloke is willing to blatantly lie over a small thing like that ,  what about the big serious things ?

 Ah bugger it !   The bloody billy is overflowing .    Now our Pizza coupons are all soggy!

   Your comrade , Ken 

Reference :- The Sky News anchors were appalled to see Nancy Pelosi rip up President Trump's State of the Union speech .

Reference :-   Sky News considers itself a bastion of punctilious public behavior , especially Peta Credlin .

It was awful wasn't it Peta ?  Imagine a woman of mature years actually tearing up a few sheets of stationary in full view of the public , while wearing a blank expression  .  Your comrade at Sky News , Paul (  let's feign masturbation on prime time television )  Murray , must have been shocked .  And both  Prime Minister , Scott ( let's take a lump of coal to parliament and smirk about it ) Morrison , and furloughed predecessor , Tony (  let's giggle in parliament about pacific island nations sinking ) Abbott, must wonder how far standards have fallen .

Obviously these days standards have changed , and an old bloke like me is kept on his toes adapting to the latest trends , norms , crazes and just the general drift of social expectations .
Some of it is hard to follow, but at least now that accepting lies , even whoppers from public figures , is  acceptable , we don't have to bother about fact checking anymore .

That saves a lot of time , and Mr Trump's long outpouring of made up records and glad tidings would have consoled many a troubled citizen , so where is the harm in telling a few porkies to keep the great unwashed on side ?

My son , Ken junior , tells me that there are 1.5 million homeless students in the good old USA.   He has a pen pal there who also says that this is the highest figure in a decade , and that student debt has  hit a record  1.5 trillion bucks .   I told  Ken junior that though these are alarming figures , why mention them  , and all of the other depressing statistics that abound , in what is meant to be an annual  sales pitch ?   

 Besides , all those students living in dumpsters wouldn't have a television set  , so they didn't have to listen to the lies .
   These days  the truth is such a slippery thing to define , so why bother ? 
  It's a brave new world , isn't it Peta ?    

 Your Comrade , Ken

 

Reference :- Ken junior's poll is out at last .

Reference :-   Mr Morrison must be on the edge of his seat waiting to hear the results of the Kooralya poll. 

Much like the Iowa Caucus , the polls at " Kooralya " are a litmus test for the nation .   Fortunately we don't bother with apps from dodgy computer companies to count the scores , just Ken junior and his pretty barmaid friend from England .   I asked her how the polling went , and she said that although it was harder than she thought , she was slightly surprised by how quickly it was all over .

So here are the results .  

 Preferred Prime Minister is Senator Penny Wong ,  with "Fried Bat on a Stick " in second place . 

 The second question  (  Mr Morrison's most admirable achievement ) has been deemed invalid , since most people either ticked " Couldn't give a rat's " , or simply crossed out the question and scrawled unprintable abuse . 

 Ken junior reckons that one comment he read deserves special mention .   Somebody took the time to write that he appreciated the way Mr Morrison has stopped wearing his american baseball cap so often , obviously as a sign of respect to his fellow Australians . 

 Ah well , in other news today ,  it looks like cabinet is seeing more urgent shuffling  than a rigged card game.   And more poker faces as well .    

 Your comrade , Ken                  

Reference :- Senator Matt Canavan has quit cabinet .

Reference :-    The National's must be busy , they never have time to declare any conflicts of interest .

 Well Matt , at least you beat Senator McKenzie with your undeclared 20 million quid to a footy club.
  She  got sacked , I mean quit , over a paltry 36 grand to her shooters club mates .  As they say , if you are going to get roasted for misconduct , at least make it worthwhile.

  I am not much of a footy fan myself . In fact I don't even know how many runs you have to score to win a set , but 20 million seems like a reasonable sum for state of the art changing rooms so that nobody can see another bloke's pecker when they are showering .
 Clearly drought relief and water management are also worthwhile enterprises  , but not if they drain funds from an iconic aussie sporting club .  

  Another thing Matt .  My son , Ken junior , wants to know who is responsible for the evolution of the     "Cowboy's " logo ?
 It now looks more American than a can of Budweiser . Is that because the team is called the "Cowboys " rather than the" Stockmen"  , or perhaps the "Jackaroos " ?   I guess you probably aren't a horseman yourself , since you sure backed the wrong horse when you promoted Barnaby Joyce in yesterday's failed leadership challenge against Michael McCormack   , although you shouldn't give up on Barnaby entirely .  The Ides of March is just around the corner , and  Mr McCormack's wife is probably having  portentous dreams already .

Your comrade , Ken 

Reference :- Celebrated Prime Minister , Mr Scott Morrison is losing in the polls .

Reference :-   Most of the team at Sky News have withdrawn their support for Mr Morrison . It seems that being a champion for neoliberalism is not enough for them anymore .  

 Indeed , Mr Morrison sir , it is always tough when your crew starts to whisper mutiny .  That last advertisement you ran , cleverly disguised as an interview with Peta Credlin ,went reasonably well , although her almost total silence hinted at things to come .   I fear Andy Bolt , might finally be tired of pointlessly attacking aboriginal historians  . He needs another victim  to sink his teeth into,  and it appears to be you that  he is smacking his lips over .

 Nevertheless , those polls that show your popularity disappearing faster than a pork sausage  in an RSPCA kennel , may not accurately reflect the opinion of the electorate .   Now is not the time to panic about the security of your position .  Perhaps having a bag packed and a flexible first class ticket to Timbuktu booked is wise , but try to stay calm .

My son , Ken junior , is willing to run another poll which he is sure will produce more encouraging figures .    He is prepared to run it gratis , out of respect for the great achievements that will forever
characterise your short stint as a world leader .

Obviously the outcome of any poll is heavily influenced by both  the wording and the order of the questions , and this is how Ken junior hopes to garner support for your "brand " , as they say these days .  Knowing how particular you are about secrecy when it comes to public documents , he doesn't mind giving you a preview of the questions,  outlined  below , in case you have something you wish to add .

 There are only two questions , since most people are busy these days with one thing or another . 

 Question 1.  From the following list , who would you prefer as Prime Minister ? 

 A .    The right honorable ( How good is Australia ? )  Mr Scott Morrison .

 B.      Communist sympathiser  Anthony ( let's tax everyone  ) Albanese

 C.     Trevor ( would you like to see my etchings? ) the sex offender who lives opposite  the park .

 D.      Penny ( she is so intelligent and articulate we all feel inadequate ) Wong

 E .      A fried bat  ( there are plenty about ) on a stick .

 F.        Couldn't give a rat's 

Question 2  .    Which of the following statements most accurately reflects your view of  Mr Morrison's short stint as Prime Minister ?

 A       How good is mining ?     Thumbs up Scomo !

 B        Brilliant , but a tad more needs to be done to prepare for the fire season  .

 C.       A top effort , in the face of unfair criticism from crazy environmentalists   .

 D .       Well done for staying focused on the budget surplus in tough times .

 E.       We haven't had a roof over our heads for two months . When does our relief money arrive ?

 F.        Couldn't give a rat's .

    Ken junior will run the poll tomorrow .  It shouldn't take long . He met an English backpacker who is working as a barmaid at the pub , and she apparently told him she was greatly interested in his poll and would gladly give him a hand anytime .    

   Your comrade ,  Ken

  


  


 
 

 

  

Reference :- Venerable Prime Minister , Mr Scott Morrison made a tough decision .

Reference :-   Mr Morrison may be a hard man . Hard but fair . Senator McKenzie  has been demoted to a pay level most of us can only dream of .

Mr Morrison,  sir ,  do you know much about the Book of Mormon ?     The divinely inspired  and totally sane Joseph Smith reputedly dictated it while staring into a hat . Nobody was allowed to see the original draft , which he claimed was engraved on sheets of gold .  This image came to mind as you read the report of Phil Gaetjens , explaining the behaviour of Senator McKenzie .   I suspect this was deliberate , and it was a good look , although glancing regularly in the direction of the door diminished your facade of authority  . 

Phil was a fine choice.  The  annoyingly independent  Auditor General was scathing , and you needed a more balanced assessment from an old mate . And an old mate who used to be your Chief of Staff couldn't have been better .

Not reading the whole report was also wise , and not allowing anybody else to see it shields other parties who prefer to exercise their right to remain anonymous . But why bother to blame the 36 grand , donated to a club Ms McKenzie belonged to, for her downfall ?  

  My son , Ken junior , reckons you could have left that out as well , and said that she was sacked because at the close of a cabinet meeting she passed the decanter of port to the right instead of the left  .  Everybody knows the importance of tradition in the halls of power .
He says that if you are going to sweep  99, 964,000   quid under the drugget ,  what difference is another  36 grand going to make ?   Ken junior also wants to know what is happening with all those redundant sports grants assessment teams .   Are they currently looking at the grants for victims of the droughts and the fires ?

 Anyway , it is all history now , and I doubt we will hear about this trumped up scandal again .
 
By the way ,  how is it going with the distribution of funds for drought and fire relief ?
We are strong Labor supporters out here at Kooralya , but the dam is dry and the countryside charred .    I would consider it a favour if you could draw attention to our application for assistance on the appropriate spreadsheet . 

  But don't use a red highlighter .  Blue will do nicely , if you get my drift .

    Thanking you in advance ,    Your comrade , Ken
 

 

Reference :- What is meant by Senator MacKenzie's " resignation ".

Reference : -   Bridget McKenzie  may have reluctantly stepped away from her portfolio ,  but she isn't exactly unemployed .


Don't fret Bridget , you will get along reasonably well on you 200,000 plus backbencher salary . It's not like you don't have a job anymore .   And think of all the great contacts you made that will serve you well in the future .  Rose , who runs the pub here in Kooralya reckons you will leave quite a legacy .  She says you have shown that female politicians can do their job just as well as their male counterparts , in every respect .   What a wonderful example you have set . It is sure to  help future female hopefuls wanting to join the game .

Despite a pay cut , you still haul in enough dough to enjoy your clay target shooting , although I guess you will probably have to pay to fly to the tournaments yourself  from now on .  ( It's not wise to charge  the taxpayer any longer. )   My son , Ken junior has offered this thought  , which he says might put a grin on your face , as you blast away .   He says that each time you blow a clay target to smithereens, think of the clay feet  of our esteemed Prime Minister and heartless backstabber  Mr Scott Morrison , but don't laugh too much . It makes it hard to aim.

 Shoot one for me .     Your comrade , Ken.

Reference :- Why is Bridget McKenzie still in office ?

Reference :-    Why isn't Senator McKenzie's career shot ?   What do you have to do to get fired with this government ?  
 
Well Mr Morrison, sir , it has worked a few times with Angus Taylor , so it is certainly worth trying again .   Just wait , do nothing , and see if it the scandal blows over so you can flick it in the pile with all those other scandals people have already stopped yapping about .  When in doubt , do nothing , as they say , which appears to be your family motto. 

These are tough times indeed , and my son's mate  Monte has had a go at writing a witty limerick to cheer you up.  He is no great poet , and did complain that none of the politicians these days have names that are easy to rhyme with .   I explained that it is probably a deliberate decision when selecting candidates .  One would hardly choose a candidate with a name that rhymed with a derogatory term  like  thief , liar , grifter ,  or whatever .  That would be a gift to a one of those violent placard wielding activists.    So well done , I say .

Nevertheless  , Monte produced a reasonable effort , though hardly of prize winning calibre .  I told him to not bother trying to find a suitable competition to enter , since funding for the arts copped a 100 million quid cutback in one year alone while the LNP went about it's task of saving the economy
from recession .   That's what I like about the LNP , when they spend 100 million to buy votes the cost is fully funded by cutbacks elsewhere in the budget . That is the definition of responsible government , isn't it  Mr Morrison ?

 Anyway , here is Monte's poem ,  raw and unabridged .

                         Deplorable in Your Face Arrogant Government Corruption
                                                                                                                      (by Monte the motorcyclist)
                                                                                                                
                                     A minister named McKenzie
                                     Went on a spending frenzy
                                     With a fistful of notes
                                     About where to buy votes
                                     And faith in political clemency .

    You have to laugh , or you'd cry .

     Happy Prime Ministering .       Your comrade , Ken