Reference : Today we have a double dose of good news to report ..

Reference :-  Not only is the feared  coronavirus spread  not happening , in Australia , but old Jack's thumb has got better .

 It is certainly great news that we haven't seen the spread of contagion like other countries .  Andy Bolt , though he hides his disgust well  , is certain that we overreacted .  He is a highly educated chap , with an IQ higher than a cat's back , like Mr Trump .  So I guess he could be right .

Nonetheless , good news is still good news , so we should rejoice .

 In other good news , old Jack's thumb is better .  Let me explain .     Jack lives in the barn out the back of the Kooralya railway station . He used to be a fettler back in the days when the trains were running .   A couple of weeks ago he cut his thumb with an axe while splitting kindling ready for the winter .   Jack just swore and finished the job with a hanky wrapped around his thumb . But over the next few days he started to feel crook, and then his thumb swelled up to the size , and colour , of a zucchini.

 We told him to go to the doctor , but Jack said he would kill the infection with rum , and refused to go .  Jack has a dreadful fear of syringes , and our local GP favours them since he never trusts anybody to take pills as prescribed .   Gabbo reckons Jack has "needle phobia " . But Monte reckons that's rubbish , and that Jack is just chicken .

Anyway , after a few days Jack was so crook that we took him to the doctor who gave him a penicillin shot in the backside , so he couldn't see the needle .   Jack howled and swore .   It's not that he can't tolerate pain .  He once pulled one of his own teeth with a pair of pliers rather than see the dentist because he was so afraid of getting a needle .

 Well the good news is that Jack is fine now .  When I  asked him how he was , he said he had never been better , and that the rum had worked.

"  I told you I didn't need to have that bloody needle ! " he said .

  Your comrade ,  Ken .
 

Reference :- " Leftist " documentary maker Michael Moore has released a controversial new film.

Reference :-  The Sky News anchors are quivering with excitement over  Michael Moore's new documentary, " Planet of the Humans ".  They see it as confirmation that the fossil fuel industry is actually doing us a great service .


There has been a lot of talk here , in Kooralya , about the controversial documentary that Michael Moore has given the world , gratis , on You Tube .   People who describe themselves as "leftist " are displeased , claiming that he unfairly misrepresented  the downside of renewable energy proliferation .   Those on the "right " gleefully see confirmation of their view that fossil fuels are mankind's greatest asset .

 Out here in Kooralya , we don't accept the usual  " left vs right " political modelling .   My son , Ken junior , reckons it's a remnant from the old cold war , which itself was riddled with misinformation and propaganda .   He reckons that model is as obsolete as an 8 track tape player , about as clunky,  and similarly useless for playing anything newly released  .
Even Monte ( the motorcyclist ) refuses to identify as either left or right politically .  He talks about something he calls " the common good " , which he claims is free of ideology and rooted in calm pragmatism .   He reckons the concept is all there in his cherished book " Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance " by Robert M Pirsig .    His favourite quote from the book is  " If you get  careless with scientific information , nature will make a complete fool of you . "

And Gabbo ( the aborigine ) reckons  the common good concept does not only apply to mankind  , but also includes every living creature , and all the trees and mountains and rivers and so on . 

Well they are idealistic young chaps , and I applaud them for that idealism .

 Personally , I have a more sombre philosophy .  I call it    " Everything we do has a downside , and we are always slow to discover it "   .   We raise life expectancies , but that fills nursing homes with suffering old folk.   We have our amalgam fillings drilled out because they might be harmful , only to discover that the white plastic fillings are even more toxic.   We get divorced because marriage involves too many compromises , only to find that life post- divorce involves even  more  compromises .   We take the lead out of petrol, and then discover that unleaded petrol is more polluting and carcinogenic . And so it goes . 

 Michael Moore has merely pointed out the obvious , which is that renewable energy production has plenty of downsides .   Both the environmentalists he has upset , and the fossil fuel advocates he has pleased are guilty of the same arrogance . They believe that mankind can hugely manipulate nature without adverse consequences ,  as long it is done the right way .   They merely argue about what constitutes " the right way " to get the energy that we greedily demand . 

 And , as Monte would point out ,  nature is making complete fools of us .

Your comrade , Ken

Reference : - Andy Bolt might have overlooked something of interest .

 Reference :-    The Governor of Georgia , USA , is ending the  coronavirus lockdown . This is the perfect test for Andy Bolt's theory that the danger is over .


What great news Andy !    A scientific chap like yourself must welcome this opportunity to observe a trial run .  The Governor of Georgia , Brian Kemp has a clear mandate to do as he pleases , with his convincing 0.5 % margin in the last election .

Though that victory did involve a lot of rigmarole ( litigation , the closing of polling stations , voter suppression and rigged electronic voting machines  )  a win is a win , as they say .
And good on him .  As a shady property developer he must be kept pretty busy ,
but he did find time to run a fantastic political advertisement showing him threatening a young man with a shotgun .  Now there was an ad campaign that would even make your marketing mate Rowan Dean proud. .

 Anyway Andy , here is the situation .   With Mr Trump's approval ( and later disapproval , followed by a clarification of his approval , except where he was misunderstood relating to his disapproval )
the Governor of Georgia has given lockdown the flick . 

  At last count that state had 22,000 folk clapped up with contagion , and about 900 dead .
  (On a population basis that would be like Australia having 120,000 cases , with 5,500 dead . ) 
   Not many of the dead are white gun toting episcopalian property sharks , like the good
 Governor Kemp.
  Black folk are very overrepresented . So I guess he is prepared to take the gamble .
 Rather like you , when you suggested " remote communities " should not be locked down .

   You must keep an eye on Georgia , Andy , and see how things pan out . It's also a great opportunity for Rowan Dean to include one of those musical segments he runs when he hasn't enough material to fill his time slot .

  Of course , I am referring to " Georgia "  , that  Hoagy Carmichael gem , though I prefer the Ray Charles version .     Run that if you can .
                 
                        " Just an old sweet song ,
                          Keeps Georgia on my mind "

  Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Prime Minister Mr Scott Morrison addressed the nation on ANZAC Day .

Reference :-  It was not the most memorable of speeches , but this is no time to be critical  .


Well that was a pretty unimpressive speech , Mr Morrison , sir .    But it must be hard to whip up something memorable when there is so much going on with contagion and economic catastrophe .  The unkind among us might point to the fact that you cut 171 million out of spending for veterans in the last budget .  But then again you did blow 500 million on a War Museum upgrade , so you had to find some savings somewhere to help pay for that . Especially in view of your longed for budget surplus ((subsequently revealed to be unnecessary ).   

 Anyway , at least lots of big companies ponied up a few quid to help with the upgrade , and keep the eternal flame combusting .    Its the least they can do , since they usually make a packet from even a minor war .

 I hope the tourists like the new facilities .

 With the social isolation , a few beers and a Two-Up game with mates is out of the question .  But  though it is a solemn day  , an upbeat larrikin tradition has always prevailed .

 So the team here at The Sky Reply has reproduced below a poem by A. G . Austin , which  we feel captures this larrikin spirit .

                                                          Chez - Nous

                                                           ( Tobruk )     by A. G. Austin


                                    In my cave lives a solitary rat .
                                   ( A celibate rat ,
                                    I can vouch for that ) ;
                                   He hasn't a mate for miles around ,
                                   And he lives on what he can find on the ground ,
                                   Though the country's such
                                   That that's not much.
                                    I don't like he
                                    And he can't stand me
                                    But we need the roof so here we be

                                    In my cave lives a type of flea ,
                                    (A scurrilous flea
                                     Believe you me )
                                     And though he's such a tiny thing
                                     His bite is worse than a scorpion's sting
                                     He lives on Rat
                                     But worse than that
                                     He lives on me
                                     This scurrilous flea
                                     With all his numerous progeny .

                                      Near my cave lives the octave bird ,
                                      ( The queerest bird
                                        You've ever heard )
                                       He sings eight notes as he climbs the scale
                                       Though the topmost note is known to fail
                                       He's very small
                                       Just like us all
                                       So in we fit ,
                                       Though we're cramped a bit -
                                       Old Rat
                                       And Flea
                                       And Bird
                                       And Me.

                                                                 Lest we forget .          

                                   

Reference:- An invitation is extended to Andy Bolt .

Reference:-    Since he believes the lockdown to slow the spread of the coronavirus has been overdone , we thought we might encourage Andy Bolt to protest .

 Good morn to you Andy .   We know you are more of a mouthpiece than a practical sleeves rolled up participator , but perhaps you might consider protesting about this unnecessary lockdown .
 They are doing that in the USA , armed to the teeth with various lethal firearms , and Mr Trump's approval.   Why not stage a similar protest here ?

 A respected public figure like yourself would catch the attention of the media if you visited us here in Kooralya and deliberately flaunted the laws .   We figure a party , with no social distancing , and all the guests drinking moonshine rum from the same jug  .  Or , if you are currently off the grog ( and it's about time ) we could all eat off each others spoons or something .  Our mate Luigi does a brilliant minestrone , and is just back from a cruise to Italy where he further honed his culinary expertise.  He is eager for an opportunity to showcase his new recipes .

But make it snappy if you can , he is a bit sniffly at the moment and is such a hyperchondriac he may end up cancelling .

 Please feel free to bring any of your mates at Sky News along as well. The more the merrier .

 There is no need to bring any camera equipment .The Sky Reply team has all we need , and we have set up a spot on a nearby hilltop so we can film the festivities with a telephoto lens .

 Come on Andy . Show everybody how stupid they are .   

  Your comrade , Ken


 





 

Reference :- Andy Bolt wants the coronavirus shutdown to end.

Reference :-     Epidemiology researcher  Andy Bolt reckons the government should stop listening to the experts , and start running the country again.

Yes Andy . What is it with the government at the moment ? They have never listened to experts before. Not  when it concerned climate change , the Murray River , or even the economy . They were always happy to fly by the seats of their pants , and laugh at the supposed experts .

I guess the difference this time is that they aren't insulated from the consequences of their own crappy decisions .  If they don't listen to the experts this time they might even die themselves , being in a vulnerable age group.

 Well at least it is nice to see underpaid scientists enjoying their time in the limelight .  After all , they have been telling us for decades that we would eventually face a pandemic, and we would be a lot  better prepared if we had listened to them and not wasted billions of dollars building  footy stadiums that get torn down before the tiles in the bathrooms have lost their shine .

 When footy players get paid a fortune , and scientists make little more than a car wash attendant , 
 perhaps these inconvenient crises with health , the economy , and the environment are more likely ?

 Hope your superannuation is holding up. 

   Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Hard working Prime Minister Mr Scott Morrison begged teachers to front up for work .

Reference :-    Mr Morrison slouched and looked tired  as he begged teachers to return to work .


Well Mr Morrison , the bedraggled look always helps when one begs .  For more effect  you could have worn one of your patriotic american baseball caps , taken it off as a sign of respect , and nervously fidgeted with it while you begged .  Taking your good old uncle Scomo approach  and pretending you could give a rats about the education of our kids  might fool some . But teachers are a canny bunch , and they might remember that you cut 14 billion out of funding for public schools back in 2017 when you were treasurer.  Fellow neo -liberal ideology fan, Mr Tony Abbott  supervised 30 billion in cuts to education while he was holding the reins of power .  (  Neo-liberalism is a funny name for an ideology , since it is neither new nor liberal .  Like  the name for those supposed "free trade agreements " that contain thousands of pages of restrictive legal clauses . )

Let's hope that the teachers are prepared to forgive and forget .  Otherwise how will you get enough people to work if there is nobody to mind the kids ?

Anyway , did you see that Boris Johnson has expressed his gratitude to the NHS for saving his life .  That might stop him from selling it to the Americans , who aren't doing too well in their particular battle against the galloping flu . 

If the teachers stand by you with this , Mr Morrison , maybe you can return the favour eventually ?

 Remember , we are all in this together .   

 Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Cardinal Pell has had his conviction quashed .

Reference :-   Andy Bolt vented his anger about the Cardinal Pell case by taking us on a video tour of the crime scene . 


Hey Andy , cheer up for Christ's sake .   You always believed that the Cardinal had been stitched up , and should be set free , so why all the furious whingeing ?   And look how nicely timed for Easter the good news has arrived .   There is something ironic in that , don't you think ?

Personally I haven't the foggiest whether he is innocent or guilty .  The case was hard to judge . It was  like a mafia trial where other mafia bosses are asked to give evidence .  Who can you believe ?

Anyway , I really liked that home made video footage of you walking the scene of the alleged crime .
 Your  prurient interest came over really well.  All those maps and  stuff about the timing and so on  was fascinating .  It made me wish I could slip on a few robes myself , and time how long it took me to whip my pecker out .

 If you will accept one small criticism though , you need to add a creepy soundtrack .  The camera's eye view of a fiend stalking hallowed ground should always be accompanied creepy music , interspersed with slow heavy breathing .

 Bung some of that in , and you have a clip worthy of entering in a short film competition .

 So Andy ,  when you calm down , what do you think we have learned from all this ?    Mostly I reckon it's that the powerful have a better chance of getting a retrial if they are convicted of a sex crime .
 Yeah , apparently there are plenty of low profile convicted sex offenders who swear they are innocent , and statistically they have about a one in one hundred chance of getting a retrial 

 Both the good Cardinal , and the family of the victims are eager to put this awful business behind them .  It was a quiet denouement to a tragic episode , and the exact truth will never be known .

 But we can always rely on you , Andy , to pour petrol on the dying sparks of a scandalous news story , without regard for the feelings of those intimately involved . 

 Your comrade , Ken . 

Reference :- Our favourite Sky News reporters think that we are overreacting to the pandemic. .

Reference :-    Mutiple award winning veteran journalist Quentin Dempster  blew his stack on Sky News , after provocation by news anchor Chris Kenny .

 That's the way Chris , why waste an opportunity to annoy an award winning journalist and national treasure .  Just because he was made a member of the Order of Australia for his services to the media doesn't mean anybody is interested in his opinion.

 Mr Dempster blew his stack and swore when you provoked him , which really was icing on the
cake for your viewers .   It's taken you years to hone your trade mark abrasive style , and  it really showed in this particular interview .
 Mr Dempster has obviously not kept up to date with changes in his profession , and clings quaintly to notions of ethics and responsibility .
Those ideals may have had their place in the past , but it's ratings fueled by sensationalism that you need to pay the bills these days .

 Anyway , about this coronavirus thing  .  The trouble is everybody is listening to the epidemiologists  and the doctors . But what do they know about pandemics ?   People should  listen to the likes of you and Andy Bolt who are better qualified to inform us .   Keep spreading the message . If you chaps reckon we are overreacting that's good enough for me .

I would stake my life on it .  

  Your comrade , Ken

Reference:- Shape shifting Prime Minister , Mr Scott Morrison tells us we are all in this together.

Reference : -   The polls show that everybody is pleased with Mr Morrison's changed approach to spending .

 Mr Morrison bought votes with his sports clubs cash rort , before sacrificing Senator Bridget McKenzie .  The same thing is inadvertently  happening with the current cash splurge , necessary though it is .  But while we are all thrilled to the back teeth with the handouts , we must remain alert .  Sometimes before I open the gate , I throw the dog a bone to occupy him while I get the ute out and leave him behind .

So while we are gleefully anticipating our much needed freebies , let's have a deeper think .

For starters ,  the government tells us that we have very low government debt by world standards   Indeed that is so , despite the doubling of debt under the coalition .  Yet they have been telling us for years that austerity budgets were necessary because we had too much debt .    And we didn't .

 We now hear that free childcare is important so that  vital workers can maintain the economy .
 If  that is true now , it must also have been true over the past few years as the economy waned despite desperate measures , such as lowering interest rates to near zero .

 We now hear that people on social security need more help , and that giving them more cash to spend will boost the economy . If that is true now , it must also have been true before the pandemic .

 Treasury tells us that government debt might double as we deal with the pandemic , which will still leave us as one of the least indebted countries in the world .   But , we are warned , this debt will need to be paid back .  ( Perhaps it should , though there are a several ways to get cash into the economy without generating excessive debt . )

 And how will it be paid back ?  Well apparently , we are told, " we are  all in this together" .
 Except we aren't .
 Mr Morrison  ( 500,000 plus salary ) and Finance Minister Mr Cormann  yesterday refused to accept pay cuts,  and said  that cutting their salaries would achieve nothing .  Perhaps the money would not make a big difference , but the gesture would .   It would give the impression that the statement  " we are all in this together " was not simply marketing spin .   ( Mr Trump just donated his entire income for the quarter to the Surgeon General's Office , a well received gesture .  )

So if we are not all in this together now  , I guess we won't all be in it together as we pay back the debt .   After the last collapse of that evil teetering structure we call free market capitalism , it was the taxpayer who picked up the tab , and not the oligarchs .  Years of austerity followed , and we couldn't even complain effectively  , since thousands of anti -austerity demonstrations around the world were suppressed by the media .

 And  , regretfully ,we now have lots of draconian new laws. These laws  are  useful now , but could easily be used to keep us quiet if we object to protecting the assets of  the rich by paying for this crisis , as we did the last . 

 Mr Morrison has so far refused to drop his  recently proposed tax cuts for the top end of town  .

Those tax cuts should be the first unnecessary baggage we throw overboard to save the ship.

While we gratefully chomp on the bone of cash we are about to be thrown  ( those who get one.  sometimes I pretend to throw a bone to the dog ,  and it still works ) it might be a good idea to keep an eye on what's slipping  through the open gate .

 Your comrade , Ken .





 



 

Reference :- Can you play too much scrabble ?

Reference :-   The dog chewed into our deck of playing cards , so all we have now is the scrabble board .  And the dictionaries .

 Monty has a penchant for tiresome pontification and has bewrayed the perfidious ramifications of ebullient  scrabble playing .  Apparently our zealous recourse to multifarious lexicons has precipitated a flurry of ersatz verbal perspicacity.

 Perhaps we we should eschew tomes and compendia
 and retrocede to our former less scholarly bouts .

     Your comrade , Ken 
 

Reference :- Is lock down boring , or fun ?

Reference :-  Lock down is certainly a lot more fun than sitting in the traffic for two hours fretting about being late for a meeting with the boss that you have dreaded for days .


 Apart from reminding oneself how crappy life was before it was enforced  , there are other ways to stay upbeat during the lockdown .   Here at The Sky Reply each of us has developed an amusing pastime or two to help pass the time .

 Gabbo  likes to wait for a few days to pass , and then suddenly confront us with the question  "  What day do you think it is ?  And no checking your phone . "   It is quite surprising how often we get it wrong . Gabbo reckons that the invention of the clock and the working week marked the beginning of a centuries long anxiety pandemic which we are still trying to control .

 Monte likes to trawl through the viewer comments on the Sky News You Tube channel looking for the wildest  nutjobs .   He says it's interesting the way the most well reasoned  and ethical reports often incite the  craziest  responses .  They are easy to find with a quick scan because they usually feature
capitals .......FACT!!!!

 Ken junior  watches the interpreters who translate news reports into sign language for the hearing impaired and claims to be teaching himself sign language .  My own hearing has suffered the ravages of time , and he often complains that I turn the tele up too loud .  I did try to explain once that I had hearing impairment . But he only laughed and said  " You're not hearing impaired , you're just plain bloody deaf . "

 Sometimes Ken junior needs to be wound back a notch or two , so I told him to turn the sound off altogether and translate the sign language for me .   Then we could replay the segment and see how good he was .  His translation was terrible , not even close .   Before I could say anything he stood up to leave the room .   "How can I translate that bloke ?  He has a broadest  Armenian accent  I have have ever seen . "  he shouted .

Sometimes living like this does get a bit weird , but not as weird as it was prior to lockdown .

Your comrade , Ken








 

Reference :- A very personal , and also factually correct post , as our editor reminisces .

Reference :-  Sky weather man , Rowan Dean,  and the editor of the Sky Reply were in the UK at the same time , in the halcyon days of their youth.  Who would have thought ?

 Hey Rowan , guess what ?    It turns out that you and I were living in the UK at the same time !   That's right !  You were doing really well in  advertising and marketing , and did a wonderful job promoting Fosters Lager .  The ads were hilarious . There was one involving the flying doctor and a pedal wireless that I still occasionally run as a joke , when there is a fresh audience.  I wonder if you wrote that one ?  The humour was based on an act of gross selfishness , if you recall .

Anyway , while you were busy winning awards for advertising , I was doing some post grad study , but also running the doctor's mess at an NHS teaching hospital .   Those were the days . Clive James , Barry Humphries and Germaine Greer had taken England by storm . It was a great time to be an Aussie in Old Blighty .   Earls Court had been more or less annexed by the swarms of visitors from     "Down Under " , and Fosters was the beer of choice .

 No doubt thanks to you , during a promotion we were able to score a free temprite for the bar in the doctor's mess.  This meant we could serve ice cold Fosters on tap.   So four decades later , please accept my thanks .

 Well Rowan , my reason for writing is that I feel I owe you a return favour .  You are making quite a prick of yourself by thrusting appalling misinformation upon the unwary with that Ice Age Watch weather report garbage .   We, like most of your audience , watch it to laugh at you .  But some folk may take it seriously .  Others have been sacked by Sky News for being full of it , and you may find yourself joining their ranks soon if you don't smarten up .

 So here are a few facts Rowan , that you might find illuminating. 

 Those record cold spells that you become tumescent over are predicted by global warming models .   I won't bore you with descriptions of how the polar vortex in the northern hemisphere has been disturbed by record heat in the arctic , allowing cold air to spill south .  Neither of us has any qualifications in climate science , you especially ,  so we need a simple way to understand how scientists know that the planet is warming .

 This is done with a thing called a thermometer   (apologies for the big word , but it's the only one )
 There are many highly regarded agencies interested in global warming , and they  produce vast temperature data sets .   NASA is one . ( You know , they put a man on the moon when you were at school , so they know their stuff .  )  Their measurements are duplicated by scientists from many countries .  For example , Japan's Meteorological Agency , and the University of East Anglia , in the England we fondly remember .
 These respected authorities place thermometers at thousands of places around the world . In hot places and cold . In areas populated and remote .  In high places and low . In water and on land .  On ships and buoys . In balloons and aircraft .  Even satellites .  And they measure the temperatures in thousands upon thousands of locations around the globe over and over again .

 Are you with me still ?   If you average these out over many years ,  it is an indisputable fact that the planet is warming .   Some places get hotter (  thousands of increased heatwave deaths annually )  . Some places get colder ( record snowfalls )  .  Some places flood .  Some places suffer drought .  Most glaciers retreat .  Some glaciers grow .    But the overall average temperature of the planet climbs steadily higher .  

  So that's it Rowan , you are full of it old mate .   Sky News will inevitably sack you . My advice is that you stop promoting yourself like a circus clown and start writing ethical journalism so there is something nice to say about you at your funeral .  Neither of us will be alive for much longer Rowan , but you still have time to produce something worthwhile .  

  Anyway , let's crack a Fosters and toast the good old days .   Cheers!   Your comrade , Ken