Reference :- Andy Bolt breaks new ground in his fight against "remote communites . "

Reference :-  Andy Bolt explained that we should not be trying to protect "remote communities " from coronavirus .  He may have let a wafer thin sliver of racism slip out .

Congratulations Andy .  You exceeded expectations on last night's Bolt report .  However , since excessive pride often precedes a fall ,  you might benefit from some feedback regarding a few minor  gaffs that tarnished an otherwise flawless presentation .

 Let's start with your suggestion that keeping  coronavirus  out of " remote communities "  should not be a priority , since  people living in such locations had made a lifestyle choice.
 Nobody could argue with that reasoning . Paleontologists  agree that the first Australians made that choice over 60, 000 years ago , and decided to stay on for the long haul .  That certainly is a good example of folk making a lifestyle choice and sticking with it .  Pretty much the opposite of our mob , the  Europeans , who like to travel the globe and meet the locals . 

 However Andy , you are not the first to suggest that spreading a little contagion might not be such a terrible thing .   Long ago ,  blankets deliberately infected with lethal diseases  had a role to play in maintaining the correct population balance in "remote communities ".   Nonetheless , you do deserve credit for reminding us of a reliable strategy that has mysteriously fallen from favour in recent times .

 But here's a problem , Andy.   These days, with all the fake aborigines running around (  you know , publishing books and so forth like that Bruce Pascoe chap )  how do we decide who to contaminate?

 One last thing.  You asserted that the members of "remote communities "  are an unnecessary drain on the public purse .  That assertion in vulnerable to attack now that the whole country is queuing up
for the dole because our own culture has taken a kick up the backside . 
I am sure a bright spark like you can competently address those issues in a future broadcast .  In this instance I will let you run the story without acknowledging my contribution , you need a break at the moment .

By the way , how are your investments  weathering the financial Armageddon  ?  Don't panic if they are going down the tube , we can always rely on the government to bail out the financial sector when circumstances reveal an unexpected flaw in the system.   Of course , it won't be called socialism for the rich .   "Fiscal stimulus to facilitate market corrections "  has a better ring to it .

Your comrade , Ken   P.S.    Gabbo sends his regards .

Reference :- There is more to staying in safe lockdown than meets the eye.

Reference :-    Monte pointed out that we were  not as safe in lockdown as we thought .


The news being rather repetitive these days , we made some new rules limiting how often we turn on the television set for an update .  It was a wise decision . The days pass pleasantly getting jobs done around the house , and playing scrabble , which is becoming quite an obsession .

The canine member of the household , Dog , gets bored during our scrabble games . He paws at us and  drops a slobbery tennis ball on our laps to encourage us to play with him  . And when we don't , he heads off to Kooralya with the ball in his mouth looking for better company .

 Yesterday , when he came home he had obviously enjoyed a fun excursion .  He wagged his tail furiously , grinned , panted , and drooled everywhere . Then shared his elation by jumping all over us.

 Monte pushed him away , horrified .   " Down Dog down !  "  Monte shouted  " Bad Dog ! Bad Dog ! .....   Go to your rug !!!       Monte pointed at Dog's rug .  Dog slunk to his rug ,  head down , and sat there guiltily watching us with nervous eyes .

The other lads were confused  "   Hey , take it easy on Dog . What did he do ? "  Gabbo said .
 It was then that Monte pointed out that most of Kooralya would have patted Dog , and the he could be all clapped up with coronavirus .

 Well , that was certainly a canny observation .   Monte  has a tub, gloves and Dettol for use when Dog comes home putrid from rolling in a well fermented dead kangaroo . Monte  put on his  gloves . Dog's head hung low, as he anticipated  bath time .    Dog doesn't handle disgrace very well.    But after the shame of being washed under the tank stand ,  he always makes a point of deliberately shaking  himself beside us .  We shout with horror , and he comes good pretty fast . 

The funny thing is , the spray of bath water he splatters over us always takes us by surprise .
Dog is now free of contagion . The gate is shut ,  and Dog is in lockdown too .   It's a pity  he doesn't play scrabble .

 Your comrade , Ken   



  

Reference :- Decisive Prime Minister Mr Scott Morrison readdresses coiffeurs .

Reference :-   As promised our PM is keeping us updated with the government's response to the pandemic as the situation changes daily .

 That was certainly a very quick response Mr Morrison , sir .  One day we are told that we are only allowed half an hour for a haircut , and the next day we are told it can be as long as needed .  That is certainly a rapid response to changing...err.... circumstances. 

Ken junior reckons even the blokes these days need more than half an hour to get their hair styled .  I guess the popular metrosexual look isn't easily achieved in a short appointment .
My mate , Trevor , hasn't been to a coiffeur in decades .  He has been as bald as a cue ball for as long as we can remember . He reckons if the pandemic gets bad enough , the only people left will be bald men and women who aren't particular about their hair .

 Ken junior doesn't like the sound of that . He reckons a ratio of about a million men for every woman would limit his courtship opportunities .

 That's the trouble with Ken junior , he only has one thing on his mind these days . 

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- The Sky Reply editor completely blows his stack . And the long awaited limerick is published .

Reference :-  The last few appearances on the Sky News You Tube channel by Andy Bolt , and his abettor Rowan Dean , have been intolerably vile .  Nobody could watch them and not believe that the following objurgation is not justified .   Try watching them , and see if you can cope . 


Well Andy , you and that contumelious sack of puke, Rowan Dean , have outdone yourselves of late .  Cackling over Greta Thunberg's illness as you guffaw your way through the current health crisis .   Drooling and sneering at our woes like a pair of vile clowns in a Stephen King novel while people around the world are dying .  Hysterically criticising  those who struggle to help , leering at those who suffer , giggling like a pair of drunken sadists .

 What a pair of childish and detestable  pricks you are . Have you noticed how your audience is evaporating  ?    Have you noticed that your spite filled faces no longer appear at the top of the Sky News You Tube page ?   Well screech and cackle while you can , I guess .  It is that image of you both that I wish to remember when your careers mercifully end , and you are carted off to whatever grim knackery awaits irrelevant journalists with decimated superannuation .

 You find everything so funny these days that I could be excused for suspecting you have been hitting the turps . Especially you, Andy .  I hope they enforce drug and alcohol testing at Sky News .  It would be negligent of them to let you become all lushed up just because your audience has done a runner .  If that does happen , remember to behave with the dignity you have always demonstrated by having a hissy fit and suing them, if you can afford to.

Anyway , that's my stack blown .  Here is a limerick that was promised in a previous post .  You might enjoy it , Andy and Rowan .   Ken junior has changed the title following a major edit by Gabbo and Monte , who were greatly inspired by your recent broadcasts .   Unfortunately some of the language is so obscene that I have had to pull rank on the lads , and censor the most offensive swear words .   Nevertheless ,  I am sure you will still get the gist of it , despite the censored swear words , which now read as  the empty syllable , "Blah " .

                                  " In Honour of Andy Bolt and Rowan Dean "  
                                                                                          by  The Sky Reply 

                                            Andy and Rowan blah blah ,
                                            Blah blah blah blah blah blah ,
                                            Blah blah blah blah ,
                                            Blah blah blah blah blah,
                                            Blah blah blah you fucking cunts .

  Oh you have to laugh ,  don't you guys ?     If you want a signed copy , just let us know a postal address and we can mail one for each of you .  We will cover the cost of posting two , but if you want more copies for friends , you will have to spot us some cash to cover our overheads . These are hard times , as you know.

                                      Keep laughing ,           Your comrade , Ken 



  
  

Reference :- Why has the pandemic made some of us happier ?

Reference :-  While some people are going the biff in supermarkets over toilet tissue , most of us are actually behaving more kindly to strangers , and many even appear strangely happier .


We asked the Sky Reply team to give their opinions regarding the noticeable change in public mood .
 And indeed the vibe is difficult to articulate , like many emotional states .  I guess that is why the usual suspects at Sky News ( Jonesie Credlin Bolt et al ) have little to say and fewer viewers than usual  . People appear to be losing interest in their vile rants, which are actually a base form entertainment rather than a news service .   Like watching dwarfs wrestle .

But at The Sky Reply we are seldom lost for words , and we unashamedly acknowledge  the usefulness of metaphor . 
 
  Each member of the team was asked to concoct a metaphor that revealed their understanding of the current vibe  . At least to some extent.   And here they are .

Monte ( the motorcyclist )  reckons that for decades free market capitalism has been running like a buggered motorbike .   It keeps backfiring and spluttering  and almost stopping , and the rider ( the government ), not knowing what to do just hits random engine parts with a hammer which clears  something and lets it run again for awhile .   But now the whole engine  has blown up  , and the rider has no choice but to take the motorbike to a proper mechanic , spend some money , and have it fully rebuilt from the ground up.  Something that should have happened generations ago .

 Ken junior  reckons the government has been protecting it's surplus like a somebody clinging to their virginity .   And now it has gone they will metaphorically shag themselves stupid forever unless  they establish a stable and mutually respectful relationship with the financial oligarchy. 

 Gabbo ( the aborigine )   reckons that white folk have been way overdue for a big Corroboree.   He says a Corroborree  is an opportunity to celebrate the interface between humans and the Dreaming .  He reckons Corroborees  allow people to reinforce the spiritual bond between each other and the planet .   The current crisis , terrible though it is , has given many of us that opportunity .

Well, the lads may be a pain in the arse at times , but it's nice to see that they are also capable of thinking beyond the boundaries of their personal obsessions . 

 Your comrade , Ken

 P.S.    Due to popular demand the next Sky Reply will feature the limerick previously deemed too obscene for publication.




 

Reference :- Redoubtable Prime Minister and concise orator Mr Scott Morrison spoke to the nation last night .

Reference:-   Last night  Mr Morrison  delivered an update on government policy which was meant to put us all in the picture regarding the pandemic .

The Sky Reply team sat by the tele last night , keen to discover how the crisis was being handled .    Mr Morrison's appearance was initially billed as an address to the nation .  However it was soon pointed out that it was not to be an actual address . This tempering of our expectations was laboured to the point that Monte fell asleep before Mr Morrison had even appeared .

In these troubled times , it is clearly important that people are not further stressed by ambiguity .   Since it was not an " address" to the nation , we will refer to it as last night's "pitch ".

 Mr Morrison did become annoyingly verbose during his pitch to the nation , something he rarely does , so the Sky Reply has summarised the key points for those whose time is precious .

 1.    It is the role of the federal government to lead during national disasters , and accordingly we point out that it is up to the individual states and schools to decide what to do about the spread of contagion .

2.    Only 5 people can attend a wedding , since crowds of more than five present too great a risk .

3.  Only 10 people can attend a funeral , since crowds of more than  ten present too great a risk .

4.  A  long list of non essential jobs has been prepared , and these people should not be working .

5.   All jobs are essential and everybody needs to be working  for the sake of the economy .

6.   The government has practiced austerity for years because spending restraint is the only way to protect the economy .

7.    The government will spend hundreds of billions of quid on a stimulus package because massive spending is the only way to protect the economy .

 Now that is all cleared up , we can relax , knowing the country is in capable hands .

    Your comrade , Ken

 

Reference :- Not everybody has to change their lifestyle because of the coronavirus pandemic .

Reference : -   The Sky Reply team decided to visit an old chap who lives alone , in case he had not yet heard the news about the current health crisis.

Old Harry lives alone, in his hut down by the river, about five miles out of Kooralya .    He seldom comes to town in his antique Landrover , and we hadn't seen him for awhile , so we took a run out there to see how he is holding up .

Harry was in fine shape .  We asked him if he had plenty of toilet paper , and he said there were still lots of back issues of The Australian in the outhouse .  We thought that he was probably unaware of the crisis, since he doesn't even listen to the ABC radio anymore .  He says ABC stands for Another  Bloody Crisis .  Well we don't totally agree with that assessment , but on occasion he may have a point .

Anyway , Harry was pleased to have visitors , and put on the kettle to make us a cuppa.   Even his dog was pleased to have visitors .  While the tea brewed we told Harry that the market economy of the whole world was collapsing . We told him that governments have lowered interest rates to near zero, and poured billions into propping up the financial sector .  We told him thousands had lost their jobs , and businesses everywhere faced bankruptcy .  We told him the government was struggling to keep people calm , and that new laws has been introduced to keep people at home in isolation . We told him there had been panic buying at supermarkets and some necessities were in short supply .  We told him many people only had a few weeks cash available and would soon be unable to pay their mortgages . We told him that big companies and the financial sector may end up receiving the lion's share of the bail out money , leaving those most in need with next to nothing,  and taxpayers with a huge bill .

Harry said he knew that's what would happen .

  "How did you hear about the coronavirus ? "  Gabbo  said  .

" What's coronavirus ?  " Harry said .

  Your comrade , Ken 

 
 

Reference :- What will the country be like after the coronavirus pandemic ?

Reference:-  Will everything return to normal after the pandemic has run it's course ?  

Let's hope not . The pandemic has shown us the fragility, and ghastliness of the electronic hallucination we have mistaken for an actual culture .  It has revealed the lies of our economists and leaders . And while it has identified the incompetent and the greedy, it has also revealed the capable and the unselfish among us , sometimes to our surprise .  

Locked down in our homes , we will have time to reflect upon the society we have created . We will enjoy those few weeks of respite from commuting to work in a car we are paying off that will soon be scrap .  We will spend time at home with family and friends . We will cook healthy food , and enjoy the comforting smell of a roast sizzling in the oven , and rediscover the flavours that can't be found in takeaways. 

Satellite photos have shown the air clearing above our cities , worldwide , as industries shut down .
The environment is getting a much needed rest .  People who have not seen a blue sky , or a galaxy of twinkling stars in their entire lives can look up in wonder .  And perhaps also wonder if the loss of clean air was too high a price to pay for all the unnecessary consumer items that clutter our lives , distracting and stressing  us.   That unnecessary crap is paid for with too much of our precious time as we race towards our demise .

 Mr Morrison's quavering voice tries to reassure us that when the crisis is over we will be well positioned to return to normality . I hope he is wrong .  I hope a great change takes place .
 The pandemic, the bushfires , and the state of economy alone ( there is much more ) show us that we haven't been doing things right for a long time .

Anyway , with the lockdown and all that , The Sky Reply team has been writing limericks madly .
 There has been some debate about whether we should publish the funniest limerick of all time . It has some very obscene language , which some might find offensive , so we are undecided .   More on that later ,  but for now , here is one that Gabbo wrote .   He wrote it after learning that South Korea has three times more  hospital beds per capita than Australia .   Who would have thought ?

                                                     The Pandemic         by Gabbo

                                       The funding they wouldn't supply us ,
                                       Let spread the terrible virus ,
                                       Oh the budgets austere ,
                                       That we suffered each year ,
                                       At the hands of ministers pious .

       Your comrade , Ken



 





 

Reference :- With all the bad news of late , we need some cheering up .

Reference :-     Our favourite cartoon " First Dog On The Moon "  by Andrew Marlton , has suggested that limericks can cheer us in stressful times .

The Sky Reply team is in self imposed lockdown .    Its not that bad really.  And Ken junior says that  there is no point in visiting Kooralya  anyway ,  since the regular supply of European backpackers has dried up .

He has written this limerick . I daresay there were a great many written in the tube stations of London during the blitz  , and The Sky Reply has found the funniest of these , which will be reproduced in a future post . Keep an eye out for it .   But for now , here is Ken junior's .

                   "  Mr Dutton Is All Clapped Up With Coronavirus "     by Ken junior


                        An unpopular federal minister ,
                        Ran policies cruel and sinister ,
                        Now he's in isolation ,
                        To the glee of the nation ,
                        And not expecting a visitor .

  At first we weren't going to post this limerick, since  it is unkind to laugh at somebody's misfortune.    But  Mr Dutton , like Mr Morrison , strikes me as a man with a keenly developed sense of humour , unlikely to take offense .     

      Your comrade , Ken
                        

Reference :- Illustrious Prime minister and health fanatic Mr Scott Morrison refused to be tested for coronavirus .

Reference :-     Despite the fact that he has been  exposed to a cabinet minister who has come down with coronavirus , apparently there is no need to test Mr Morrison .

Mr Morrison , sir , perhaps you can explain the logic behind this ?     If you don't have the virus , everybody will be reassured and you can "carry on"  as usual .    If you do have the virus you will know what to do in order to limit the spread to others .  What is the problem ? 

 So far this year you have gained a reputation for selfish behaviour , and if it turns out that you have been running around like a blowfly at a picnic infecting all and sundry with viral pestilence  it will do you no favours .

 As a believer in miracles , I should think you would feel quite immune from pestilence . But if you do turn out to be a victim of contagion , you could shack up in an isolation ward with Mr Dutton and keep him company .  Look at the bright side , it would give you plenty of time to collaborate on your cruel neo -liberal agenda . And a chance to further suss out the character of the man who secretly lusts for your job .    

 Your comrade , Ken 

 

Reference :- Home Affairs Minister Mr Peter Dutton has coronavirus .

Reference :-   Mr Peter Dutton is all clapped up with coronavirus  . Life can be cruel .


 When I told the team at the Sky Reply that anybody who has been in contact with Peter Dutton is at risk of becoming ill they replied  "  Everybody knows that "    . When I asked them how they knew he had contracted coronavirus  they replied     "   Oh , does he have coronavirus ?   That's a shame ."

  Anyway , Ken junior reckons they should keep him locked up and isolated for a few years while they work out what to do.  Various methods can be used to keep him completely uninformed about how long he will remain  in isolation .  Since the government  has no idea how to handle the situation a private security firm will need to be employed to see that he stays put and is well looked after and not subject to dehumanising  conditions .   That may cost the taxpayer a few hundred million , but this is an emergency ,so there is no time to check the bonafides of any company tendering for the contract .

 However,  regardless of the cost , it will be money well spent if it keeps us all safe .
 

Your comrade , Ken 

 

Reference :- Man of action and quick decision maker Mr Scott Morrison revealed his plans for a fiscal stimulus as the coronavirus pandemic looms .

Reference :-   Our highly articulate prime minister , Mr Scott Morrison , explained the details of his fiscal stimulus to an attentive audience of business leaders . More or less .


Mr Morrison , sir ,  I thought you would have learned your lesson with the poorly received political advertisement that you tried to palm off as a bushfire strategy .   ( Speaking of which , has anybody found some of that 2 billion quid of bushfire grant money that was last seen vanishing in a puff of smoke ? )

Anyway , it was a bad idea to run another  political advertisement in lieu of a fiscal stimulus package . People are on to you now .  Saying that it was up to poor young Josh Frydenberg to explain when he returned from a more pressing engagement might have bought you a few more days.  But everybody can see you are just stalling while you try to think of something . 

 It's a real conundrum when the only way to stop the economy going down the gurgler is to put money into the pockets of ordinary folk .  They do vote for you , and pay your wages , and that does leave you obliged to fake being their uncle Scomo .   But it is ideologically unsound to slip the great unwashed a few bob when the system fails them . After all , when market capitalism fails the poor , it is clearly the fault of the poor  .  They are greedy and lazy , with their sense of entitlement ,  and you can't blame  the market .   

 I  guess you and Josh have a few sleepless nights ahead ,  and I don't wish to make them worse , but you need to be aware of a blunder you made in your last speech .    It has slipped past the media , thank heaven's , but you might not get away with it again .

It wasn't your  usual lie about the Tories managing the budget well .  That lie is so obvious ( federal government debt has doubled since the days of the Labor Party )  that everybody just yawns and forgets about it .    No,  your big slip came  when you said , out loud , just like that ,    " Australia 's government debt to GDP ratio  is one of the lowest in the world . "      What on earth were you thinking ?   You Tories have been telling us for years that there is no money for anything because we have to reduce the terrible debt inherited from Labor  .  That's why 1500 people have died waiting for money from the NDIS , for example .  ( There are many many more examples . )
 Telling people we don't actually have a big government  debt makes it look like you are letting people die for ideological reasons alone .   Which you are , but why highlight the fact ?  

One last thing .  If it turns out that later in the week you do have to slip a few quid  in the direction of the great unwashed  , take a couple of inderal tablets first so you don't have a heart attack when you make the announcement . You have been looking a bit pasty of late .    

 Your  comrade , Ken

Reference:- The Sky Reply prepares for a possible lockdown .

Reference :-   After watching people engaged in mortal combat over a few toilet rolls we decided it might be wise to go shopping ourselves .


 The toilet paper fiasco got me thinking , so  I told  Ken junior to take the ute into Kooralya and pick up some essential supplies in case there was a lockdown .    Dog ( that's what  we call the dog , it has a respectful ring to it )  jumped on to the bench seat , keen for a ride .   Ken junior crunched the column shift into first gear and they roared off in a cloud of dust . Dog  stuck his head out of the passenger window and panted happily .   "  You are stuffing my gearbox ! "  I shouted as they lurched across the cattle grid .

Well it didn't go entirely to plan . A new cop was in town , and he pulled Ken junior and Dog over as they  entered the 60klms zone .   First he told Ken junior that Dog  had to be restrained . Ken junior pointed out that the old Holden ute hadn't  even been manufactured with seatbelts , so it seemed ridiculous for Dog  to be restrained when the driver was not .  The cop then told Ken junior it was an offence for him to have his arm out the window .   Ken junior said the ute had no air conditioning .   The cop said that was no excuse for Ken junior's arm to be out the window . Ken junior said he had to hold the door shut or it would fly open when he hit bumps , so it was a safety issue .  Then things got worse .

 The cop asked to see Ken junior's license .  Ken junior said he was too young to get one . The cop started to chastise  Ken junior for driving without a license .  Ken junior interrupted , stating loudly  " Since when does a bloke need a bloody drivers license just to drive into Kooralya for supplies ?  What is this , some kind of fascist police state ? "    Dog growled a lot .  The cop let him off with a warning .     " Just do your shopping and get home . "  the cop said .

 Later , Ken junior returned with the essential supplies .
 " I got  6 lots of two dozen.   That's 144 , a full gross . That should see us through . "
  Young Monte looked up from the table where he was fixing a carburettor for his motorbike .
 "  That's a lot of toilet paper ! "  he said  .
  " What ? "   said Ken junior  "  who cares about toilet paper ?   I got us six cartons of beer . "

 " Thank Christ for that " ,  I thought ,   " The lad is no fool. "  

  Your comrade , Ken  

 

Reference :- What is happening to the Sky News anchors ?

Reference :-    The highly regarded team at Sky News seems to be running amok . Except for Alan Jones , who has been steered in the direction of a serious news story by a chance meeting .

Looking at the number of their viewers on You Tube , the Sky News team appears less popular than a rerun of " The Jerry Springer Show " .   Andy Bolt seems intent on saving us from an invasion by fake aborigines . Peta Credlin is warning us that the Greens are ruining the economy , presumably using voodoo since they have never been in government .   Chris Kenny has determined that climate change alarmists are triggering a global apocalypse .  Paul Murray is impossible to watch as he sulks in his adolescent version of a man cave , surrounded by inaccurate tributes to the supposed golden age of Holden's  technological dominance .

But Alan Jones has captured the limelight , following a chance meeting at an airport with a fan who informed him of something truly alarming . It was all news to Jonesie , who now blusters angrily about some legislation which was introduced to parliament ages  ago while he was  busy measuring CO2 levels using the tea leaf technique and interviewing experts in  aluminium foil hats .  The proposed new legislation places a limit on our use of cash , otherwise known as legal tender .  It looks like it might not be entirely legal for much longer .

Well Jonesie , you have more blustering to do yet , since you have not yet uncovered the full story .   Not only does the government want to ban the use of cash for transactions over ten thousand quid ,  it also wants the power to adjust that figure to anything it likes without another vote in parliament .  Any figure they like , though improbable , includes ten cents .

 That is cause for bluster indeed , but Jonesie you must look up the appropriately named " Bail In Law " from two years ago .   Thanks to pressure from the IMF and The World Bank  parliament has already passed a law allowing the banks to keep your savings if they run into a little liquidity problem .  That's right , our savings are not secure . In the eyes of the law they are an unsecured loan to the bank . And the interest rate we receive for that unsecured loan looks a bit puny alongside credit card rates .  Of course , we are told we have no cause for concern . We can trust the banks .  However , it is hard to overlook the fact that they have  broken the law a few million times and stolen billions from us , even if they were honest mistakes . 

 The Sky Reply has received enquiries  about this frightening state of affairs , but  Jonesie , you are the man to run the story and inform the public .   It might be a nice break from tea leaves and Alfoil hats .   These are the economists to turn to for the facts . 
 Martin North
John Adams
Steve Keen .
 Robert Barwick.
These people are relatively unknown , since they don't roll with stories about toilet paper or fake aborigines to distract us from the real issues
It may seem odd to you at first , listening to people who actually know something , but you will soon adjust . 
We look forward to your informed analysis .    Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- The Sky Reply revisits a previous post .

Reference :-   Cherished Prime minister and deep thinker Mr Scott Morrison has come clean about a bit of a fib he told last year .

Mr Morrison , sir , last year the team here at The Sky Reply advised that you be honest with the public ( you know , those folk who pay your wages ) and admit that you had tried  to scrounge an invitation to The White House for your pastor , Brian Houston .  At the time we said that being honest would save your credibility , since lies revealed at a later date always make one look shabby .

Sadly you must have missed that edition of our popular blog , and now the inevitable has unfolded and you look like a lying dickhead .   There is little that can be done now , but damage control is better than nothing in such circumstances.  In this instance it is vital that you ensure Pastor Houston doesn't get caught out for telling porkies too.  Last year he said that he was unaware of any invitation . I guess you must have figured he could just grab his backpack and head off at a moments notice if you scored him an invitation . What a nice surprise he would have enjoyed . 

The Royal Commission into  Institutional Responses to Child Abuse has accused Pastor Houston of concealing allegations of child abuse , so his credibility is shaky at best .   We are not much into tax deductible sects  here in Kooralya , so excuse us if we are wrong , but  number 8 of those stone tablets that Moses received  had an inscription which translates as  " thou shalt not tell whoppers  " .

And lying is one thing , but simultaneously besmirching the reputation of those who are on to your scummy game is tacky indeed .     Which you did .  Rather like an adulterer calling their partner paranoid as they attempt to shift the blame .

Well Mr Morrison , sir ,  while  you are asking forgiveness for deplorable turpitude , why not come clean about everything else as well.   Maybe just list off all the rorts , read them out in parliament and ask for absolution .     A special long sitting  might be required , but then you can  return to your parish with a clear conscience  .     

  Your  comrade ,  Ken .  ( PS   Tell Pastor Houston to keep his trap shut . )

Reference :- The RBA has dropped it's interest rate to a record low .5% .

Reference :-  Another 25 points have been taken  off the RBA rate to deal with contractions in the  economy and the added fiscal pressure occasioned by the coronavirus  outbreak.

Absolutely brilliant move .  Everything will be fine now .  Many thanks for the great effort that must go into planning such a complex strategy .

Your comrade , Ken