Reference :- Sky News presenter Chris Smith secured his place in history

Reference :- Sky anchor Chris Smith weighed the relative merits of his newly named " greenie elite "  fantasists , who would like the planet to be similar to the  Garden of Eden , and the wonderful practicality of the retiring  CEO of BP  , Bob Dudley , who praised the importance of the fossil fuel industry . 

Well done Chris .  Your worship of Bob  Dudley will undoubtedly secure you a place in history .
 It was very interesting to hear your predictions regarding the state of the planet in the year 2040 .  And how selfless of you to show concern , since you will by then , like me , be a corpse decomposing in a grave nobody visits . But hey , let's not be sad , your presentation today will ensure you a prominent place in the history books , under the heading   "  spectacular examples of betting the whole bloody farm on the wrong horse ".

 My son , Ken junior  the environmentalist ,  has asked me to thank you for eschewing the term  "climate vulture " and running with " greenie elites " instead .  He feels it has more dignity .  But he was quite startled by your worship of Mr Dudley's immense wealth .  I couldn't quite understand what he meant , but he laughed and said that talking about Mr Dudley's mega wealth was giving you a
semillon .   Don't ask me what that means , it's some kind of wine isn't it ? 

 And indeed yes , Mr Dudley is worth  a packet . It would have been even more , except a shareholder revolt in 2016 resulted in his pay being cut by 8 million quid that year .  Apparently almost two thirds of the shareholders thought he was being a tad too greedy .

You might not know this , but Mr Dudley was in charge of BP's  American operations when the Deepwater Horizon oil spill happened in 2010 .   That little oopsie daysie poured 184 million gallons of crude into the Gulf of Mexico .  We will never know the full cost of the disaster ,  and complete recovery from the damage , if it happens , will take decades .   The federal court ruled that the accident  was caused by gross negligence , and corner cutting to maximise profits .    About 25,000 square miles of marine habitat were polluted.  Countless fish and birds and sea mammals died . Thousands of fishermen and tourist operators lost their livelihoods .   Mr Dudley's pay that year was several million quid .

Since big money numbers give you a thrill , hows this for a whopper ?    The direct cost to just BP alone has amounted to over 60 billion quid .   Imagine that spent on something useful ?

Anyway Chris , Ken junior wants to leave you with a poem .  He says it's not one of his , and has no idea where he read it , but it stuck in his memory .   He reckons it has something humbling  to say about the worship of wealth and power , and where it gets us .   Don't expect too much though Chris , unlike Mr Dudley's obscene wealth ,  I don't think it will give you a semillon .  

                       A Poem Ken junior thinks he remembers from somewhere . ( Or maybe he made it up )

                                 The jackals howl, the serpents hiss,
                                 In what was once Persepolis .
                                 The fleets of Nineveh and Tyre,
                                 Are down with Davey Jones esquire .

                                 And all the oligarchs and kings ,
                                 And potentates who ruled these things ,
                                 Are dead.

                                  But cheer up, don't be sad ,
                                  Think what a lovely time they had . 
                         
                                                                                            Your comrade , Ken
          


                                              

                                                         

Reference :- It's nearly time for New Year's fireworks . As if we haven't seen enough fireworks already .

Reference:-     More than a quarter of a million people in Sydney have signed a petition calling for the New Year's fireworks display to be cancelled because there is already enough smoke to make breathing difficult .

 Well , you have to admit they have a point .  And the money would be better spent helping the firefighters , but it probably is too late to change plans now .   Everybody has stopped talking about the Christmas retail figures already , so I guess that means they were disappointing .  But there is hope yet , as thousands arrive in Sydney to spend up big and see the fireworks .

  Out here in our little town , "Kooralya "  , we never have fireworks .   One spark in the wrong place and the whole town would go up.     My son Ken junior's mate  , Gabbo ( the aborigine )   says that " Kooralya "  is an aboriginal word for bat .  There used to be a lot of fruit bats here years ago , before the heatwaves , so that makes sense .   These days I tell people the town is so named because you would have to be batty to live here .

 Anyway , while everybody is incinerating  millions of quid worth of foreign made fireworks , here in Kooralya we do something quite different . It might be of use to the folk in the big smoke ( no pun intended ) next year , in lieu of fireworks , assuming they don't burn the place to the ground with this year's effort.  

  It was actually Gabbo's idea , a few years back , and it was such a success we have run with it ever since .    Everybody hangs out down by the creek , now sadly dry , and after the big countdown to midnight , Trevor , who runs the local power substation , pulls the kill switch and all the lights go out .   We then look up at the sky , and as the rods and cones in our eyes make adjustments behind the cataracts , the milky way slowly reveals it's billions of stars , twinkling in the distant heavens .  All is silent as everybody , awed by the spectacle , contemplates  the vastness of the universe and our breathtaking insignificance .   Ken junior's mate , Monte , says he always feels insignificant anyway , even if he is indoors .  But you know what I mean .

  I reckon some of those tourists coughing away in the Sydney smoke would probably find the night sky in Kooralya a lot more impressive than fireworks .   Young Gabbo tells us stories about the stars and the constellations that have been handed down from the Dreamtime , and everybody finds them fascinating .   I suspect he makes a few up on the spur of the moment , but nobody cares , since he has quite a whimsical way of telling a story .  ( he shuns the word " narrative " which  he says is about as poetic as a leaking bore pump . ) 

 And here's something interesting .  Ken junior tells me that Betelgeuse , the red star in the constellation Orion,  has dimmed a little and astronomers say this could mean it is about explode .  That would be quite a spectacle since it is twelve times the size of our own sun .  And if we do get to see it explode one day , the explosion would have happened 650 years ago , since the light takes that long to get here .   Imagine that .  It sure puts my concern about the chipped laminex beside the kitchen sink into a different perspective .

 Happy New Year  ,    Your comrade ,  Ken

Reference :- Sky News has a stand in anchor , Chris Smith . Not an enthralling presenter , but he tries .

Reference :-   It's been a bit boring listening to Chris Smith , but he surprised us today with something worth following up.

Thanks Chris .  I must admit your news segments have been a bit staid for me , but others might find them fun , so no criticism intended .  Today , however , you showed me that song by a young fellow who writes for some  band  called " The Chats ".    What a beauty !    I have listened to it about seventeen times now.  I sure hope it goes viral on facebook or something.  

   Your own analysis of it's merits overlooked the verse about Mr Morrison's church in Sutherland receiving 100,000 quid of community grant money , but I loved the catchy chorus  line " that's why I hope Scott's house burns down " .

You have to admit it is hilarious , even though I personally don't want to see Scott's house burn down . ...........   Actually  , I would love to see his  house burn down  .... There, I have said it . But at least I am being honest .    Please forgive me Chris .  Which reminds me , you say you are disappointed that Mr Morrison's apology has not been accepted by the lefties .    I think the problem there is the way he presented his apology .   It was a sneaky gutless wobbly apology containing obfuscations ,  a bribe , and emotional manipulation of the creepiest nature .   That is why many of us wish his house would burn down , so we can dance and laugh and sing on the ashes .  (  Sorry Chris , sorry again mate . ) 

Anyway Chris , thanks for putting me onto that song .  I suspect there will be more such songs over the coming year , so be sure to let us know when they pop up.  

  Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- To quote Tiny Tim " A merry Christmas to us all , God bless us every one . "

Reference :-   It's been a dickens of a year , and another interesting one lies before us . My son , Ken junior has taken the time  ( about 28 seconds ) to write us a Christmas poem .

 Ken junior arose early ,  fed the orpingtons , and then penned a quick poem .   It made me chuckle , since the little bugger is tighter than Ebenezer Scrooge , though he obviously spares a thought for those who are drawn into overspending during the festive season .  We have had to stick to a strict budget this year , but it is surprising how much fun it is just playing scrabble with Ken junior's mates , Monte ( the motorcycle enthusiast )  and Gabbo ( the aborigine )  . Today I told the lads they can eat as many toasted  vegemite sandwiches as they like , and let them crack a tin of Twinings tea we have been saving for the occasion .    ( The still was incinerated by the bushfire .  It went up with more fireworks  than the local petrol station .  ) 

 I never win when we play scrabble , sadly . Ken junior is a walking dictionary , and Gabbo manages to cheat with obscure aboriginal words that nobody has heard of .  But we can't object or he calls us  " wankas "  which he says is aboriginal for  " linguistic racism  " .   He got the "W " on a triple letter score too , the lucky bugger .    Anyway , here is Ken junior's Poem .

                                          Christmas Advice          by Ken junior .

                          I hope you enjoy Saturnalia ,
                          Without much paraphernalia ,
                          There's no need to be chaste ,
                          But avoid excess waste ,
                          Lest your credit card totally fail ya. 

          Seasons greetings .      Your comrade , Ken
              

Reference :- Purveyor of facts , not opinion, Peta Credlin took a break .

Reference : -   It looks like Sky anchor Peta Credlin is enjoying a Christmas break .  We look forward to her return in the new year .

   Ah well Peta . What a shame that your last effort for the year was just an interview with another Sky reporter .  I guess with so much going on at present ,  it is probably difficult to find real people to interview .    Nonetheless , try not to make a habit of navel gazing in the new year . There was far too much of that last year , and watching Sky News started to feel like wandering through a mirror maze at a circus ....  endless reflections of the same opinions that became increasingly distorted and removed from reality .  

  Anyway , I don't wish to end the year on a low note , but there is one more comment I would like to make .  Please take it as friendly advice .  My son, Ken junior , drew my attention to this originally , but then it became quite a source of annoyance .

 You often mention , several times in a story , that " the taxpayer is funding "  something you don't like .   Sometimes you might say   " paid for with your tax money "   or  " that's where your taxes are going "   .  You know , that sort of thing .   I know it's an easy way to stir anger , and as we well know ,  angry folk are inclined to make hasty and  ill informed decisions.  But the technique is starting to look too obvious . These days both Ken junior and myself find ourselves losing attention when you say  " and this is what is happening to your tax money that .......blah blah blah ... " 

Maybe a good New Year's resolution would be to pack it in with that approach . It sure would freshen the sound of your presentations .   And while you are at it , maybe ditch those references to " socialists"  that you spit out with contempt .   Ken junior looked up a definition of socialism the other day , in the encyclopaedia .    He says it is a democratic system based on cooperation rather than competition  , with the mantra   "  from each according to their ability, to each according to their needs ".      He can't quite see why that is an evil concept .   It certainly sounds like a better basis for  developing a healthy culture  than galloping vampire capitalism .

 Anyway , we look forward to your fresh start in the new year .  We can always tune into Andrew Bolt if we feel the need to laugh at hate mongering cliches .  

 Seasons greetings .     Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Liberal senator Jim Molan is unimpressed by climate activists .

Reference :-     Liberal senator  Jim Molan claims that climate activists are good at " shouting in your face  , but are devoid of sensible answers "  .

Merry Christmas Senator Molan .   You certainly had a good run there , landing your current job .  First Fiona Nash was declared ineligible because she discovered she has close ancestors in Old Blighty.  Then Arthur Sinodinos  jumped ship .  All very fortuitous , as was the strong support  from Mr Morrison   (  his earliest muscle flexing ) and Mr Howard  ( to assert his relevance ).  It certainly saved all that bother about democratic voting .  Then again  , who can say ?   The plebs may have voted for you  anyway .

 So here is a quick heads up regarding those " sensible answers " you have found lacking . The problem  might be your definition of the word " sensible " ,  since there are numerous answers offered by climate activists . They all involve change , which is often difficult  and costly .  Of course , that doesn't mean they aren't sensible .   Having a tumor removed from your rectum may be difficult , painful , and costly . But that doesn't mean it isn't sensible . Especially if you want to go on living a bit longer .

You have spent a lot of time in the middle east , in the cradle of civilization , and you would have seen how vast areas of the once fertile crescent have been transformed into barren desert by mankind's abuse of the environment .   Frescoes on ancient ruins in the Levant show people hunting gazelle in lush forests that have since become barren lands where   , to quote from Ozymandias ,  " the lone and level sands stretch far away " .

My son , Ken junior , is a keen activist , and has prepared an abbreviated list of actions that can diminish the effects of climate change for your consideration .   None of them are especially easy,  to which Ken junior says  " Yes , most of them aren't easy , but so what ? "  

 1   Transition from fossil fuels to  renewables as quickly as possible .

 2   Upgrade infrastructure to make it more energy efficient  .

 3.  Reduce commuting times , and reliance on cars for transport , with mass transit systems.

 4.  Consume less , and waste less .   (  Frivolous waste is a huge problem )

 5.  Eat locally produced food as much as possible , and reduce consumption of meat .

 6.  Produce as many vital goods and products as possible locally .

 7.  Make products that last,  and don't have built in obsolescence .

 8.  Stop advertising  from encouraging  people to replace items while they still function .

 9.   Stop clearing trees , and plant them by the billion . ( China just planted 66 billion of them  )

10.  Only have one child . ( Or none, if you aren't desperate to pass on your dodgy genes . )


 Ken junior thinks these  ten are enough for you to contemplate for now , what with it being Christmas and all .   If you want to know more , please feel free to ask.

           Seasons greetings .    Your comrade , Ken



                 
   

Reference :- Mr Scott Morrison , compassionate christian and capable captain of our country responded to a suggestion from Labor leader , Mr Albanese.

Reference :-    Mr Albanese suggested that bringing forward the next Council of Australian Governments meeting  ( The COAG scheduled for March )  to swiftly address the national disasters .  Mr Morrison is not in the least interested .

That's the way , Mr Morrison , don't let the socialists push you into what you describe as a " knee jerk response " .  Mind you , one could make the case that your obstinate resistance to making a single solitary decision about anything at present , is itself a " knee jerk" response .  Though perhaps the word " knee" is , in this instance ,  superfluous .   

You unconvincingly stated  that you might consider compensation for the unpaid volunteers who have put a superhuman effort into saving lives and property .  But in three months time .  That might appear , by some, to be excessively delayed .    What do the volunteers  do until then , Mr Morrison , sir ?  And since you doubtless have no intention of reaching into the public purse to help them , even then , why tease the poor folk by offering false hope ? 
  Have you looked at the news on the television sets lately ?  Even the nastiest of the right wing propaganda outlets can barely utter your name without shuddering in disgust .  Perhaps my previous suggestion that you pull the pin in January was off the mark, and you should depart sooner . 

 My son , Ken junior , has a nice little earner going supplying fake IDs to teenagers .  He says he can forge a passport for you , so you can bugger off to another country for a decade or two, and return when the dust has settled .    Apparently Yemen is nice at this time of year .  Their passports are easy to fake , and with the food shortages , it's a good place to shake off a bit of excess lard .     Normally he charges twenty quid , but in this instance he is prepared to offer you a freebie , as a service to the community .  

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Prime Minister of the people , and marketing whizz , Mr Scott Morrison finally took to the microphone . .

Reference :-    After hesitating for a bit  , Mr Morrison confronted the media . He didn't disappoint us.

It was a challenge , wasn't it Mr Morrison , sir ?    After such a public relations catastrophe , there was little time for excogitation .    How could you hastily script an apology without looking guilty and weak ?   Well the answer to that , is that you couldn't  .  Neither could your PR spivs .  All may not yet be lost , however , and I herewith offer some damage control advice , before it's too late .

1  .       If you decide to use your children as a cowardly  excuse , go hard for God's sake .   Don't pussy foot around with pathetic statements like   "   As a dad , I didn't want to disappoint the kids and not keep my Christmas promise to them . "     For starters , as you well know, any mention of keeping promises is a political joke .   And when you demean yourself like that you had better make it worthwhile .   Perhaps you could say that the kids had asthma and the doctors had insisted that they escape from the smoke for a few days and get some fresh air .  "  The night before we left we were up all night with ventolin puffers , and the kids were crying because they didn't want to go . "   That sort of thing .

2        Let's move on to the question of secrecy. Not just secrecy either .  Your office lied to the press about your whereabouts .   Lying looks very bad indeed .   Why not say that you had received threats from somebody who claimed they were coming after you ?  You could thank the officers from the witness protection program for their skill and experience.  It is quite a plausible excuse , since the list of people , from farmers to firefighters , who bear you ill will , is longer than the shoe inventory of Imelda Marcos .

3 .   You must come to terms with the fact that the phrase " climate change "  sticks in your larynx like an activist to a footpath .  If you can't convincingly spit it out , avoid it completely .

4.   What were you thinking when you tried to soften people with the promise that you would save them  60 odd quid from next year's power bill ?  That wouldn't cover the cost of smoke masks for the average family .   Futhermore , your "precious " , the budget surplus,  has lost it's golden shine , and is best left unmentioned . Every economist in the world , excluding you and that perpetually confused young chap, Josh Frydenberg  , is calling it a mistake .

5.  I know you have impressive credentials as a marketer , but people are becoming more canny these days , and telling them what to think just doesn't cut it anymore .  You were probably taught to nod your head while saying "  Of course , I know you understand . "     It may disappoint your PR spivs , but sadly that cheap marketing ploy doesn't work anymore .

6.  So what to do ?  You can't go back to marketing tourism .  Who wants to come to a country that is mostly in flames , stricken with drought , hideously hot , and wilfully destroying the world's largest reef ?  Nevertheless , my advice is that you admit the job is too hard for you , and hand in your resignation . Let some other poor sucker try and run the place .   Our rich tradition of cushy job offers from the mining sector  should serve you well, so you won't be completely redundant  .
 

7.   One last thing , early January is probably  the best time for you to do a runner .  That way you won't disrupt the religious festivities , but there will still be plenty of left over booze and party hats for people to enjoy a good old whoop up.  

Well , that's all for now .   I hope all your Christmas shopping is done .  The shops have been quite empty of late , but with the latest upbeat economic news from Josh,  I expect the customers will soon be flooding the floors .    

 Your comrade , Ken



      
       
     

  

Reference :- Mr Morrison returned , and Ken junior wrote a limerick.

Reference :-   Many folk are not pleased with Mr Morrison , who deserted us in our hour of need . He has returned now , but as yet has said nothing .  Oh the suspense !  

As a special treat , my son  , Ken junior  has been given permission to post a limerick he just wrote .
He is enthralled by the lure of the limerick at present , and says it is a good way to sustain a sense of humour when times are tough .   Obviously he was told he couldn't use foul language , which was clearly challenging .

                                               Mr Morrison , Sir .        by  Ken junior

                           Holidays are sometimes a punt,
                           And though I don't wish to be blunt ,
                           Nicking off , like a sneak ,
                           While we burn for the week ,
                           Makes us view you as just an affront .

    Ken junior says people are free to edit as they please .    Your comrade , Ken 

   

Reference :- Peta Credlin is holding the fort at Sky News . Where are the men ?

Reference :-   Poor Peta Credlin is pretty much the only news anchor at Sky News doing much at the moment .  What happened to Andy Bolt and Paul Murray ?  Even Chris Kenny is somewhat quiet .

It must be pretty difficult , Peta.  As usual it's the men who fold first , and the strongest of the women have to carry on .  And who do they give you to interview , for heaven's sake  ?  Other female reporters and Mr Campbell Newman , who played the Queensland economy like a man with no lips plays a bugle .  

I hope you have have let Mr Morrison know about the consequences of sacking key members of the public service .  Young Campbell did that , and the next job to go was his own .  Mr Morrison might have got away with his recent puerile display of muscle flexing , but if he keeps sacking people  , the same fate awaits him .  Even if he does pretend it's for reasons of cost cutting and efficiency .

So Peta , getting back to what has become of the the chaps at Sky , do you think it's the relentless avalanche of evidence supporting the climate scientists ?   And , perhaps , the way big business , banks ,  insurance companies , and even our regulatory authority , APRA , have decided they must factor the devastating effects of climate change into their strategies .   It always seems to me that once the boys with the folding stuff start damage control , it means damage is definitely about to happen.   When my son , Ken junior , was thinking of taking up smoking , I told him to look at life insurance premiums .  Smokers pay more for a reason , son , I said .  That certainly convinced him .

Anyway , my advice to the chaps at Sky is to simply fess up and call it quits . It can be done with dignity , and no loss of respect from the viewers .  Something like this could suffice .   "  We apologise for relentlessly misleading the public regarding  climate change so we could line our pockets . We admit that we know absolutely nothing about the science , and to be honest , more fool you , you bunch of pathetic suckers , for listening to us ".  

 Of course , Rowan Dean won't run with an apology.  I fear he was not blessed with a full complement of chromosomes at birth , and probably read Kurt Vonnegut's novel about Ice 9 as a youngster, making him , forever , a traumatized little pest .  

  But we all have a cross to bear , don't we ?  

Your comrade , Ken .

Reference :- Celebrated Prime Minister and man of action Mr Scott Morrison has decided to fly home early from his holiday .

Reference :-    Mr Morrison has been given a nudge by his pubic relations geniuses .   Indeed it is wise that he return home , the public's disdain for him will only grow if he continues to hide in a luxury hotel sipping pina coladas while the nation burns .

Get the first flight you can , Mr Morrison sir .  It's not just the country burning over here . Your popularity with voters is also disappearing in a puff of smoke . Please  remember my advice from a recent post , and in your first interview , try not to let your lips curl in that naughty school boy style sadistic half smile you are prone to.   Here's a heads up .  Your political opponent , Mr Albanese has been seen about the various hotspots , giving encouragement and sympathy .  And far worse , he was even clever enough to resist  taking a cheap swipe at you for buggering off when the chips are down .    Don't you hate it when a political opponent shows some restraint ! 

 But that is not the end of the threats you now face .  Initially it was Mr McCormack  who stood in for you during your absence . This was no threat to you , since the chap has the personality of a three day old cadaver . But lately , Mr Littleproud has been speaking on your behalf , and the lad does come across as being very sincere , and also very concerned for the well being of every Australian.  That is the sort of thing that can undermine your position .  You should consider sending him on a fact finding mission to the Galapagos Islands , or similar far flung clime , upon your return .

 Lastly ,  rather than spending another 190,000 quid on pubic relations spivs , I would suggest a quick trip to your local cosmetic dentist for a shot of botox in your levator anguli oris muscles .   These are the muscles that produce that involuntary smirk when you don't give a rat's arse about something. 
That should only cost a a couple of hundred quid and saves you the trouble of thinking .  Botox  usually lasts a few months , so with luck one dose might see you out .
No need to thank me , it's always a pleasure to offer advice .  

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Andy Bolt , popular journalist and world renowned climate scientist , has suddenly gone quiet .

Reference :-    What has become of Sky News journalist and legend in his own mind , Andy Bolt ?  Is he off for Christmas , or what ?

Merry Saturnalia , Andy .   Is everything OK ?   It's been disappointing to dial up Sky News on the wireless and not find you there with a fresh  ground breaking story .  Nobody disparages teenage girls or aborigines better than you , and where else can we look to find your special brand of thinly veiled racial vilification ?

 Is the weather putting you off ?   The media are quoting a great many shocking  heat wave , fire , and drought statistics of late .  The last time I saw that many records broken was when my son , Ken junior,  accidentally backed the ute over my prized box of Vera Lynn 78's . 

  And what was that story you ran titled  "Amazing new development "  all about ?   I listened eagerly , expecting perhaps something about quantum computers or tokamak fusion reactors , and it was just some incomprehensible codswallop intended to humiliate that gentle  Bruce Pascoe chap who likes aborigines.   Not exactly " amazing "  is it Andy ?

 What you need is a fresh angle , before Sky News starts offering you redundancy packages .  Running with that  climate hoax crusade hasn't gone well , and you are starting to sound like a broken record yourself .  It just isn't very convincing when the scientists announce  dust storms of unprecedented severity , and you respond by digging out a poem written in 1878 that says it was so dusty then that the crows flew backwards , or something . 

 So Andy ,  my son Ken junior reckons you should start a cooking show .  By the middle of next year food will probably be more expensive than a decent defence lawyer, and you well know how they charge .   But instead of demonstrating the usual sumptuous spread of tasty vittles , you could show people how to feed a hungry family on a tight budget , when a single idaho potato costs a fiver .  You could film it in the kitchen out here on the farm if you like . We do everything by hand , whisking and mashing with various simple utensils.  The saving on electricity is considerable .  

 I pointed out to Ken junior that a cooking show doesn't leave much opportunity for your trademark thinly veiled vilification and hate mongering .  But he is full of great ideas .  How's this , for example?    " And now a dollop of good old English mustard , not that insipid Dijon stuff made by the spiteful socialist French . "    Or ,   "  And now lets get this chicken in the oven before a cohort of hypocritical animal rights activists arrives , the grill of their car splattered with murdered  insects " . 
 You know Andy , I reckon he is on to something .   

Your comrade ,  Ken

Reference :- The right honorable Mr Scott Morrison , legendary Prime Minister and man of action appears to be in Hawaii.

Reference :-    Our leader has decided to shelter beneath the gently waving palms of Hawaii , where the fresh sea breezes fluff your fringe while you sip your cocktails .

And why not , Mr Morrison , sir ?   Why not ?   I have seen the photos of the smoke and dust in Sydney , and a man of your circumference is well advised to keep his pulmonary system well away from such horrors .   The leftie press , though not the politicians , have  expressed disappointment that you just buggered off without telling anybody .  Personally I think that is a bit unkind of them . After all that posturing and running about the place trying to look like you were doing something you deserve a break.

  My son , Ken junior , says he is pleased you are taking  break.  When told you had vanished like a thief in the night, he simply remarked .  " He can stay in Hawaii as long as he likes as far as I am concerned " .  

 Ken junior saw that movie directed by Clint Eastwood , " Sully " , I think it is called . He was quite impressed by the way the captain of the crashed airliner stayed on board to the last , helping everybody as best he could .  You have to admit , that sort of behavior does inspire respect .  Did those public relations spivs you hired include a lesson about" appearing to do the right thing " in that 190,000 quid training session you chaps attended ?   Although you didn't personally pay for it ,  it is still wise to make sure you are getting the right advice .
 
Anyway , sir ,  here is an idea for something that might save you some face  when you come back to
the blazing inferno down under .    Hawaii is a world leader in renewable energy , and often has days where 60% of total usage is supplied by renewables .  They aim to be using  100% renewable energy  by 2045 .   Why not  pop around to the State Energy Office in Honolulu while you are there , and pick up a few brochures ?   They look impressive , with pictures of smiling engineers  and workers busily improving the infrastructure under clear blue skies .  You could adapt a few for use when you get home , just cut and paste in a few aussie faces and a recognisable landmark or two .  But be sure to use their blue skies , of course .   Smiling faces might be hard to find too.  Ken junior suggests you dig out a few archived photos from  the seventies , when it was fun living here .

Since I thought of it first , could you let me know the address of the department responsible for settling my invoice ?    Not being a spiv myself , I won't be gouging the taxpayer for 190,000 quid , but as I have quite a few overheads at the moment , with the drought , I find myself no longer in a position to offer advice pro bono.    I am sure you understand .  Aloha !  

 Your comrade , Ken 

Reference :- The figures are in , and we can all relax . The budget surplus is still intact ..

Reference :-     The Sky News anchors are thrilled that our government is still on track to achieve the first surplus in 12 years .  But the 5 billion dollar question is " Will that help the economy ? " .

Good morning Peta .  There were a lot of numbers being thrown about in your interview with finance minister Mr Cormann .   And of course , after only 6 years of conservative government , Labor is obviously still the cause of all our fiscal woes .  But with all the indicators of economic well being   plummeting faster than Icarus in a heatwave , it was a relief to hear an upbeat assessment from Mr Cormann .

 Something that never gets mentioned , however , is the fact that net debt has more or less doubled since the LNP  strapped themselves into the driver's seat of the economy , all those years ago . I am sure there is a suitable explanation , since as we know ,  conservative governments invariably boast  impressive credentials when it comes to money managing. 
It will be great to see the government paying back Labor's debt , following which they can start paying back their own . ( This will also be called " Labor's debt " , naturally . )

Anyway Peta ,   knowing that the budget is back in surplus , everybody  can spend like  mad this  Christmas , confident that the economic fundamentals are in good hands .   

Your comrade , Ken 

Reference :- The climate summit in Madrid is over .

Reference :-    The climate summit in Madrid has now closed shop .  The Sky Reply has summarized  the results of the negotiations for those too busy to read the full drafts of the various new agreements . 

 Minister Angus Taylor would have felt very much at home with proceedings , and our Federal Government must be thrilled with the outcomes.   All those serious issues have been left unresolved , with a promise to revive the discussion some time next year , assuming we are still here .
This is the way Australia is accustomed to dealing with problems , and our time honoured " head in the sand " method was embraced fully by the nations at the conference .

Accordingly , bugger all  has been done .

The plan ,for now , is to do nothing , leading up to a proposed long period of inactivity.  Following this the progressive introduction of denial will precede an agreement to dilly-dally while each nation prepares it's blame laying strategies .  I am sure everybody finds it a great relief to discover that decisions are not being rushed .    

  Your comrade ,  Ken

Reference:- The topic of atmospheric CO2 percentage was once again raised by Alan Jones. He can't understand how a gas that represents only .04% percent of the atmosphere could influence the climate .

Reference :-  This old chestnut is so overcooked that the staff at The Sky Reply advised the editor against correcting  Alan Jones, yet again   .   Sigh...... but here it is .

Jonesie, with all due respect , when it comes to atmospheric CO2 levels ,  you have no idea what you are talking about . This is the last time we will point this out . I implore you to stop making a fool of yourself by discussing the issue .  When you reveal that you know stuff all about climate change , it leads one to irrationally conclude that you no stuff all about anything , which does you no favours .
I am sure there are a few things you do know something about , so don't feel disheartened . 

 My son , Ken junior , who does quite well in science at the local state school, couldn't stop laughing at you and Ms Credlin .   His best friends , Monte , and Gabbo ( the aborigine)  started a contest in which they tried to outdo each other at mocking you with jokes based on the " avalanche "  effect .  You appear not to have heard of the  "avalanche effect "  .  This is a popular term for the observation that a very small change in part of a system can often precipitate massive changes in the system as a whole.

Monte started the game  .  He pretended he had been pulled over on his motorcycle and was being breath tested by the local copper .   "  But officer "  he protested  "  How could a blood alcohol level of only  .08 % effect my riding ?   That is less than one part in one thousand ? ".   He then pretended to fall off his bike and scream as the exhaust barbequed his leg   .

 Ken junior pretended to be an old bull about to be shot between the eyes with a Lee-Enfield 303 .    " Ha ha "  he laughed  "  How could a little piece of lead that weighs  .001 % of my body weight hurt me ? " .    He then shouted  "bang '' , and collapsed faster than a deregulated financial sector .

 But young Gabbo  ( the aborigine )  came up with the best one by far .   He pretended to be Maxwell Smart , agent 86 , who had just been given a suicide pill to use in case he was captured by the enemy.  He held the pill between his fingers , and said . "  But chief , how can this cyanide tablet kill anybody  ?  It only contains  a dose of .00000001 %  of average  body weight ? "    He then scrutinised the pill warily , and added . 
" And another thing chief , how do I get them to swallow the pill ? "

Jonesie , your knowledge  of chemistry would embarrass a caterpillar , and how Peta Credlin can keep a straight face as you waffle on astounds me .   I guess a saving grace might be that with your disdain for the potency of small concentrations ,you probably do concur that homeopaths are a bunch of lying quacks .   Anyway , lets never speak of percentages again .  I promise not to if you don't   .  

Your comrade , Ken


  

Reference :- Andy Bolt and Rowan Dean declared Boris Johnson's " Love Actually " advertisement a work of genius .

Reference :-      The outcome of the UK election was perhaps significantly  steered by an advertisement featuring Boris Johnson acting out a scene from the movie " Love Actually " .

Indeed yes , chaps .   What a great advertising ploy .  Rowan , your experience as an advertising executive shone as you explained the importance of this particular piece of clever plagiarism .

  Unfortunately , actor Hugh Grant wasn't very pleased that his movie had been used to market a politician whom he despises . He pointed out that the card which said " and at Christmas you tell the truth "  had been left out of the advertisement .  Obviously it was deliberately left out for copyright reasons, and had nothing to do with Mr Johnson's propensity to perpetrate porkies .

 But the marketing genius of the simple message , the charming Christmas theme , and the portrayal of Boris as a likeable eccentric was impressive .   And it certainly worked .  It appears that most voters were  not interested in hearing detailed policies addressing  complex issues . Who wants the surgeon to describe in detail how they are going to replace their heart valve  ?  Just sign the consent form and leave it up to them, I say .

 Forty years of rampart capitalism and austerity have ruined the lives of ordinary folk  in Old Blighty .  Fortunately , we are told , Brexit is the miracle fix for that disaster .  And a skilled marketer managed to promote that fix with a slogan containing three short  words .   That slogan , " get brexit done "  translates  as   " make our lives better, we can't bear this anymore ,  for God's sake ! ".

   My son Ken junior , is of an age where he is becoming aware of politics .  He keeps asking me why the world is being run by a bunch of pantomime clowns who repeat empty phrases  like  " get brexit done ", or  " make America great again " , or " get the budget back into surplus ".   I tell him people are  so busy trying to pay off debt, and so worried about their jobs , that they don't have time to look carefully at the political landscape , and want simple solutions .  He says , that leaves them vulnerable to the first grifter who comes along with a catchy slogan and a ute load of suitable scapegoats .

  It worries me , Rowan , but Ken junior can be heartless at times , and has concluded that  "If people are too lazy to look past the propaganda in the headlines , and the blatant lies of politicians , they deserve what they get ".     That sounds a bit harsh to me .  No doubt Mr Johnson has all those issues to do with trade , Scotland wanting to leave the UK , and the Irish border , solved in his mind.   Now he can just get on with it , unhindered . 

 He seems like a capable chap.  It was impressive watching him explain his 300 million quid deal to export sheep to China post brexit , should the EU market collapse .   I reckon when the Chinese actually hear about the deal, they will cancel their existing imports of sheep from New  Zealand  .  They are  fed up with being fleeced by Kiwi shepherds , and it usually only takes about five years to sort out the  paperwork for biosecurity , import licenses, and supply chains .  

Your comrade , Ken.

   
 

Reference :- Angus Taylor managed to drop us from 56th to stone cold motherless last in the climate action rankings .

Reference :-   Australia now sits  last in the climate action rankings . At least we can't get any worse.
 

Angus , you are a smarter man than me amigo, even after a few sangrias .     I think I now understand your tactic .  By nudging us to the bottom of the list , all we have to do is beat the USA during some future assessment , and the right wing press  can run a headline that reads   " Australia marches ahead in the war against climate change '.   Obviously we both know that the war is actually against climate change alarmists , not climate change per se , which is a myth .   But it's best to pretend , and as always , it's important to use the expression " war against " which is the time honoured way of asserting that somebody is actually doing something constructive .

 About 100,000 people die from the effects of air pollution every year over in the USA , so it shouldn't require too much effort to overtake them in the rankings .

  I guess you are flying home soon .  So much of Spain burned in the fires this year that the aesthetics of the countryside probably aren't worthy of a scenic tour, even if the taxpayer is shelling out for the senoritas .  Try to relax on the flight home , you will need your wits about you when you return to face the treacherous plots that Mr Morrison and his  front bench has been incubating during your absence .

One last thing Angus .  My son Ken junior is a big fan of the Spanish actress Penelope Cruz .  He figures a man of your stature would have met her by now, and that she is probably residing in a suite just up the corridor from yours , if you know what I mean .   If you can score an autograph , Ken junior would be most appreciative .   And if she is willing  to write  "  To Ken junior , thanks for a great time after the Christmas party "   he would be thrilled .   Everybody knows they weren't at a Christmas party together , but it's just a harmless bit of fun .

  It's not as though he is lying to parliament about being friends with Naomi Wolf or something .  

 Your comrade , Ken
 

Reference :- The Sky Reply summarises Energy Minister Angus Taylor's statement at the Madrid climate summit .

Reference : -  The Sky Reply teased the flesh from Angus Taylor's show stopper speech at the climate summit in Madrid .

Ole Angus Ole !   I don't know why they have dropped Australia down to number 56 in the ratings for climate action.  Surely once the content of your speech has had time to soak in , we will rate better than that .

I liked the way you  explained in great detail  that  our government is committed to achieving our commitment to the agreement .  You then followed with a demand that other countries take action to reduce their emissions , since ours don't count .   And finished with a clear statement that Australia will , next year some time , work out strategies that should  , long term , deploy emission reduction technologies that don't cost too much .

You are a born statesman Angus .   Muchas gracias  amigo  .  Have a sangria for me . 

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Paul Murray does not support assisted dying legislation .

Reference :-   Paul Murray does not support assisted dying legislation .  Why is it that conservatives generally hold that position ?

Paul,  it might be alright for you to oppose assisted dying legislation , you are digging your own  grave with your teeth , and won't have to worry .  My son , Ken junior,  reckons you look like a sack full of coronary embolisms with a beard .  But Paul , since like all of us , you will croak one day , wouldn't you like to have the option of peacefully slipping away , rather than painfully gasping for a few more days with a cordial bottle strapped to your leg, while visitors anxiously think up excuses to leave and try to ignore the stench ?  

  As a proto fascist , perhaps you can explain this to me Paul  . Why is it that people of conservative persuasion , though more than willing to destroy the planet and it's biodiversity , though more than willing to accept the collateral damage of 5 million child deaths every year caused by galloping vampire capitalism , are nevertheless offended by the thought of a 95 year old asking to die peacefully .  Is it something to do with money Paul , like apparently everything else  in the world ?    I am confused . 

  Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Paul Murray assured us that "most Australians" do not find the Sydney smoke horrifying .

Reference :-   Paul Murray once again spoke  for what he calls " most Australians " , and told us that we are sensible folk who are untroubled by the inconvenient Sydney smoke  haze , and do not believe in climate change .

Well Paul , I guess the first thing we need to address is your definition of  " most Australians " .   Every poll , including those done by the most ghastly of right wing " think tanks " , shows that by far the majority of Australians do believe in climate change .  This can be troublesome if you are trying to expand your fortune by flogging a few hundred million tons of coal.  Eventually the " jobs and growth"  fib doesn't cut it . 

So , since your ethical standards are unquestionable , I reckon you have accidentally misled us with an abbreviation .  Abbreviations can cause confusion , as I have explained to Andy Bolt in a previous post .  What you obviously  mean is " most Australians with the IQ of a sea cucumber".   Thankfully the polls reveal they are a minority , although scrolling down the hateful and ignorant  comments on Sky News , you could be excused for thinking otherwise . 

  Anyway Paul , when you get a few moments spare , please flick me a reference for your statistics concerning the attitudes of " most Australians " .   I mix in a wide circle and only know one person who expresses doubt about climate change .  He lives in a grand art deco villa on the proceeds of his portfolio of mining shares .   You should see the place . After restoring it , he had it listed with the national trust . Although that was unwise , since a few years later when the place became unlivable without air conditioning , it was hellishly difficult to install 17 air conditioners and comply with the regulations . 

  As he often points out , regulations  ruined this country , which is why he found it so hard to amass a fortune and retire at age 52 .  Our little farm in the bush  is quite humble by comparison , but home is where you hang your dust mask and UV shield , as they say .   We have a dry creek bed running through the place , beside which  a couple of ancient river gums are still bravely struggling on . On one tree we tied a rope with an old tractor tyre so we could swing over the muddy bank and splash into the cool water on hot days . That was back in 1956 .

My son Ken junior once asked me what the tyre was for , since he has never seen water in the creek himself .  When I told him about swimming and fishing in the creek when I was his age he didn't believe me . Our local pub is called  " The Rio Vista " , since a Spanish new chum renamed it back in the day . Ken junior has never thought to ask what that means , thankfully, because if I told him it meant  "The River View " he would laugh his head off .

 One more thing Paul , you did mention that most Australians don't even live in Sydney , so why would they be worried about a smoke haze there ?
Tut tut Paul,  try to keep your sociopath tendencies better hidden .  You are on good money running your little propaganda segment , so don't stuff it up.     

 Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Andy ( I never make needlessly cruel remarks ) Bolt interviewed his son , so they could laugh at American Senator Elizabeth Warren.

Reference :-   Andy Bolt and his son teamed up to expose the criminal activity of American senator  Elizabeth Warren .

Andy .   So nice to see you interviewing your son .  He seems like a smart young lad , full of remarkable insights .    The public certainly needs to be warned about this Elizabeth Warren woman .  Yes , she has all those university degrees and has held positions where her expertise has been sought by both governments and private enterprise . And she is one of the most cited scholars in the area of commercial law.  But that  doesn't mean she can be trusted.

 She has been telling everybody what they want to hear for ages .   Universal healthcare , higher wages ,  a clean environment , decent housing , fair elections .... you know, that sort of thing .  But all along she has been concealing something terrible .  She claimed to have Native American ancestry , and following a DNA test it has been revealed that although she does have some Native American corpuscles  , there are not as many as she thought . Horror upon horror !!   What could she do ?  Well , as if that would be enough to satisfy anybody , she has only apologised .

Andy,  please forgive me for pointing out that you are guilty of ....let's say hyperbole... when you said  that she was ' pretending to be a Native American "  .  That implies a deliberate deception , which isn't true . She was simply mistaken about the number of native double helices in her genome .  She is very clever , and would not have had such a test if she was deliberately lying .   But nonetheless,  Andy and James , she was incorrect , and people don't expect their politicians to make mistakes of such huge magnitude .   (Just wait and see how long poor young Angus Taylor lasts after only a few insignificant  mistakes) .

 Mr Trump , however ,  has never made a mistake with his ancestry.    He has been involved in 3500 or so legal actions since 1990 , including paying out 25 million to settle a fraud case involving Trump University.  He is even being sued at present by his former chauffeur for failing to pay his wages . And he is under investigation for an alleged  400 million in tax evasion .  But he has never been mistaken about the history of his DNA , and that is the important thing .  Not keeping  close tabs on his DNA was what blew Bill Clinton's career , and Mr Trump would never make the same mistake .

I wonder , Andy , would your son James be interested in meeting my son , Ken junior sometime ?  I am most willing to have him stay here on the farm gratis .  We need all the hands we can get out here with the fire fighting , and James looks like a fit young lad .  Also , I would be appreciative if James , who clearly admires you , could teach Ken junior  (the little socialist ) a bit of respect for his dear old dad .   Think it over Andy , and let me know .  If James does come , it would be sensible for him to bring his own roll of toilet tissue .   The local newsagent gives me his unsold copies of "  The Australian " for the outhouse , but they take a bit of getting used to.   Obviously I never read them while answering a call of nature , otherwise I would be in there all day .  Are you with me ?  

Your comrade , Ken



.  

Reference :- What has happened to the Sky News anchors ? Suddenly they have nothing to say about the bushfire season .

Reference :-   The Sky News anchors have lost interest in the bushfires  . I thought that meant the fires  are all under control .


Well blow me down if the country isn't ablaze everywhere .  I thought it was all over , since the Sky News anchors haven't mentioned any fires for quite awhile . I guess you don't want to alarm us . Except for alarming us about the alarmists , of course .   But after looking at the ABC news , and seeing folk in Sydney getting about with gas masks,  I really need to be reassured that this has been happening every few weeks since about  12,000 BC .    Those climate change activists are starting to look like they might be on to something .  

 Anyway , could I please put in a request for a few shows that remind us this is nothing new ?  Maybe some quaintly sepia toned archival footage of the annual smoke mask festivals they must have run back in the roaring twenties or something .  And can you run an interview with one of your preferred "experts "  while you are at it .   But keep away from respected scientists , we have had enough of their bleak assessments  lately .

  My son , Ken junior  was amazed to hear that the smoke in Sydney is so bad that breathing the air there is the same as smoking 34 ciggies  per day .  He reckons that means your average anxiety ridden chain smoking commuter must be inhaling the equivalent of about 60 cancer sticks per day now .  I tell him that is a pessimistic way of looking at it .   Maybe they can just smoke the actual air without needing to buy cigarettes . That's a saving of about 300 quid a week , which could go towards reducing the negative equity on their crippling mortgages .

 That's the trouble with Ken junior , the little doom merchant never looks at the upside .  

  Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Prime Minister , and national treasure , Mr Scott Morrison sacked some senior public servants , and reduced the number of government departments .

Reference:-    After a bad week in parliament , Mr Morrison flexed his muscles and sacked some heads of department , amalgamating  the existing 18 departments into 14 .

 That's the way Mr Morrison,  sir , show the public service who's boss .   And I liked the way you didn't consult with the actual people involved to determine the usefulness or likely outcome of those sackings .  You don't need to tell me that they are symbolic , so why care if departmental efficiency is enhanced or impaired ?   A surprise attack like that is a time honoured way to regain some authority.  I also liked the subtle the way you reminded everybody to do their job supporting the government .

But what  a shame you can't sack that annoying young fool Angus Taylor now you have stood by him so many times , especially now he has further blotted what is surely the last page of his copybook .   It surprises me that the lad is able to be so vocal , with all those silver spoons in his mouth .

  Anyway , since union busting hasn't been a great success for you ,  pretending to
" bust bureaucratic congestion " might claw back some respect .  Though how this will work mystifies me , along with the departments involved .   Currently the government is unable to answer  more than 48 million phone calls each annum , and another 5.3 million calls are abandoned .  How do you reckon giving 4 out of 18 departments the heave ho will reduce those disgraceful numbers ?

I can see it was a good idea to remove the word " human " from the Department of Human Services .  People expect too much from a a department so named .   But remember to leave space on the letterheads  so you can easily insert the word "inhuman " at a later date .  Have you seen the price of  printed stationary  lately ?  I hope all those cost savings you promise cover that expense , and the cost of paying people out , and moving the filing cabinets , and xerox machines and so forth .

 Anyway , congratulations on a successful " bureaucratic bust ", you certainly have a knack for busting things .   Lastly , returning to those millions of unanswered phone calls , perhaps it might not be as bad as it appears at first glance . My son , Ken junior , just reminded me that he made a few million of those himself , trying to find more about the chap involved in that tragic "palm oiled penis  " incident .    Also , Graham , the war veteran down the road says he has made a million calls about replacing one of the wooden spokes in his wheelchair .
Happy Prime Ministering , while it lasts .   

 Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- The Sky Reply respectfully enlightened Andy Bolt regarding a common abbreviation .

Reference :- The lead up to the big slugfest with the ABC's Paul Murray  ( revealed in a previous Sky Reply ) intensified , as  Andy Bolt attempted to ridicule Paul's understanding of carbon chemistry .

 Andy , it really wasn't a good idea to puff a blast of carbon dioxide and various other  fumes from your pulmonary sacs to illustrate that carbon dioxide is an invisible gas .   Everybody knows that , including Paul Murray . Likewise we don't need to be told that soot is black carbon .  ( Also , considering all the trouble you have had with the legal fraternity over racial matters , I think perhaps  it would be wise in your instance to call it "carbon of colour " just to be on the safe side ) .

It appears you have failed to notice that since carbon dioxide has become the second most talked about substance on the planet , after beer , folks have decided to shorten the name to "carbon " .
I know it is very complicated for you to understand , so by way of illustration , I offer this simple example .   If  I was to ask you  "  Do you consume alcohol before each show , Andy ? " , what I am actually asking is  " Do you consume alcoholic beverages before each show , Andy ? "   Clearly you wouldn't be drinking pure alcohol .  I think the technical term , if you google it , is " abbreviation ".

My son,  Ken junior , is convinced that you like to chug a few back before each show , which is why you regularly sound like a victim of glossitis .  He says if you do want to try some pure alcohol you are welcome to visit us this saturday when we crack open the batch of moonshine that we decanted from the still last Monday .   It will have just the right age on by then , and he reckons you look like a man who would appreciate the vintage stuff .    

 Your comrade , Ken.

Reference :- Did the Minister for Energy and Emissions Reduction , Angus Taylor , accuse the Labor Party of being anti semitic ?

Reference :-   During an incoherent rant about his own obnoxious carryings on,  Angus Taylor confused  parliament , and himself .

 Dang it Angus .   In the thick of the confusion you actually apologised for something you didn't do.  And nobody seemed to notice.   Mind you there are so many things you should be apologising for that you are still way in front on that score .   Yes , so what  happened is , you apologised  to Mr Albanese for calling him , and his party, antisemitic .  It was a very shallow apology , at best , and earned you no credit .  But the worst of it was that you hadn't even done that . I guess you were hurling venom around so much , nobody could quite follow what was happening , and when the Speaker asked you to retract a statement you hadn't actually made , it seemed like a fair call anyway .  What you had done , in fact ,was say that labor had supported Naomi Wolf , who had called you anti -semitic.

  Angus , young man ,  you should watch the video of the incident .  Your loyal comrades on the front bench observed your performance like a pack of wolves watching a bleeding fox trying to get out of a trap.  They can smell blood , and they are ready to pounce .  I mean , of course ,  Mr Morrison , Mr McCormack,  young Josh Frydenberg et al.     Mr Porter, in particular  looked like he wanted to eject you from parliament like a human cannonball .  

You must watch the video , then after you have changed your pants , you need to sit down and work out a plan .  This bully boy reshuffle of portfolios , which Mr Morrison has sprung on everybody out of the blue after failing on the first go with his union bashing  bill  , gives you the chance to step down while saving  face .  Not totally , of course , but perhaps your eyebrows and the one or both buccinator muscles .   You are going to need plenty of time to prepare for all those court proceedings , especially now those 55,000 shares in a 150 million dollar company you had forgotten to declare have come to light . What on earth happened there ? Did they fall out of you briefcase at everybody's feet while you were fumbling for the car keys or something ? 

My son , Ken junior , has seen that video clip  (from about 2013 I think it was )  where you mentioned living down the corridor from Naomi Wolf at Oxford  .  He reckons he noticed you using a deliberately smirking overtone to give the impression you were more than just corridor mates , when you weren't.   This might partly explain her phone call to your office and her angry remarks .  Like I said Angus , it is time to jump ship before the Tories keelhaul you . 

Your comrade , Ken .

Reference :- Sky Anchor Chris Kenny laughed at veteran journalist Kerry Obrien's speech .

Reference :-    Multi award winning veteran journalist Kerry O'brien gave a speech at the annual  Journalist's Union 's Walkley Award night .   An unimpressed Chris Kenny thought it was a pathetic effort. .

 Exactly Chris . That Kerry O'Brien chap had a cheek , talking about the gradual erosion of freedom of the press here in Australia . We are already down to number 21 in the world  for press freedom, and falling fast , so what is gradual about that ?    And with Mr Morrison at the helm it will slip downwards faster than a funicular with a broken cable .   It certainly is annoying the way these elite leftie journalists have their annual Walkley Award night to pat each other on the back . 

 But why not run an award night yourself Chris ?   You can run it for the hacks at Sky News , and whatever hacks you can encourage from the great cesspool of commercial television .   You could call it the Wankley Award night , so nobody has any doubt about who you are sending up.  Without being premature , I reckon you are just the man to pull it off , Chris .  

  I did notice that you made  one of your very rare small errors in today's telecast  .  Unfortunately it wasn't just the leftie newspapers that protested about loss of press freedom by self censoring their front pages .  The conservative press protested at least as strongly , which has me confused .  Even up here in the deep north , the Courier Mail joined with all the other activist editors .  

 As you are doubtless aware  ,  the Courier  is not known for being very progressive .   My son , Ken junior , says it's so full of propaganda he calls it the "Goebbels Gazette".      He and his mate's,  Monte and Gabbo  rush to the school library each morning to see what puerile pun has been used for the banner headline .  Then they have a few laughs as they outdo each other inventing  puns that address the news item more subversively .  

 However , on the day that the Courier had self censored their front page, their game was ruined .  Gabbo tells me that initially he thought one of the teachers had read the Courier first and crossed out all the factual and grammatical errors .   And after seeing all those police raids on journalists ,  Ken junior thought it was genuine censorship  , at first .   So he started the morning headline competition by blurting out   "Goebbel's Gazette Cops Government Glossover " .     

 Anyway , happy freedom of the press Chris , use it ethically .

 Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Paul Murray believes Jeremy Corbyn's remarks in the wake of the London terrorist shooting were "the worst we have seen " .

Reference : -  Paul Murray shocked by the worst remark he has heard  ?  That's a big claim  for somebody who daily stalks the corridors of Sky News .   Just how bad was it ?

 Well Paul , there were essentially two remarks made by Mr Corbyn  to which  you could have been referring.     This one , " the police had no choice but to shoot him dead "  can't be it . I am not saying you are a violent man , Paul , but nonetheless I can't imagine you would object to a rampaging armed terrorist being shot dead . So you and Mr Corbyn are in complete agreement there.   That leaves his other comment  . When asked if somebody convicted of a terrorist offense should serve their full prison sentence , he replied  " I think it depends on the circumstances ."    I reckon that is the remark that opened all the taps on your bile duct .   

 But calm down , Paul .    In the UK you can be imprisoned for a terrorist offense without ever having hurt anybody , or damaged property , or even threatened to do so .  The laws are quite broad , and a mischievous teenager googling how to blow up the neighbor's dunny could find himself locked up.    I guess this is why Mr Corbyn very sensibly  said " I think it depends on the circumstances ". 

 Paul , you moaned on about bleeding heart lefties forcing the repeal of the " Imprisonment for Public Protection " Laws.   Wrong again , you silly bugger .  Did your research team inform you that it was Labour  who initially proposed and enacted those IPP laws ?     They remained in place for the entire time that Labour was in power .  Then , when Labour Prime Minister Mr Gordon Brown was replaced by the Tory leader , Mr David Cameron , the laws were repealed .   And since you appear unaware that it was under a conservative government that the laws were abolished , I guess you can't be expected to know why they did it .   Well, Paul , they did it because of the grim austerity budgets that the Tories had passed following  the Global Financial Crisis .   ( Or as I prefer to call the GFC ,  the Greedy Financier's Conjob ) . This meant that authorities , lacking a decent budget allocation , couldn't run the prisons .  The Prisons Minister , Mr Rory Stewart threatened to resign over funding cuts .   Staffing shortages,caused by budget cuts, had undermined his ability to administer the prisons  .  Here is the simple time line . 

 2003-7     Labour brings in the laws to lock up terrorists indefinitely , under Mr Tony Blair
 2007-10   Labour continues to enforce them under Mr Gordon Brown.
 2010 -12   The Tories under David Cameron  start austerity budgets, following the GFC
 2012          Due to lack of funding for prisons , the IPP laws are abolished under  the Tory government .
 Doubtless we will see your apology to Mr Corbyn  on Sky News before long .

  Anyway , here's a funny  thing Paul.   My son , Ken junior , and his mates are amazed by the way you always  blame the left wing of politics for absolutely anything that goes wrong .    He , and his mates Monte and Gabo , had stayed up all night watching the full boxed set of  " Get Smart " video cassettes , instead of doing their homework.   When their teacher demanded to know what happened to their homework ,  Gabo explained that their books had been  destroyed by a violent gang of fifty socialist greenies , waving climate alarmist placards , as they returned from their meeting with " The Destroy Australia Party ".     The teacher merely sighed , so Monte said .  " Would you believe twenty annoyed vegans handing out animal rights pamphlets  ? ".  Ken  junior followed with  "  How about a homeless bloke with bloodshot eyes wearing a "Legalise Marijuana " T shirt ?  

  You have to laugh , hey Paul. 

 Your comrade , Ken