Reference :- Obdurate Sky anchor , Chris Kenny , claimed he had won a year long argument with the leftist media ...especially the ABC's Media Watch .

 Reference : -  But had he really , or was it , as usual , empty bragging ? 

You have to be careful Chris .  It's always risky to call the race before it is over , and in this instance the race has not even started . 

I refer , of course , to your assertion that you were correct when you said that the dread Covid germ escaped from a laboratory in Wuhan .  It could be that you were correct , but a new investigation has yet to be undertaken , so you could also be wrong .  ( The first investigation did find that you were  wrong . )

Obviously you are keen to score a few points after disgracing yourself with  that " Men in the Mirror " video.   Who on earth talked you into doing that ?   All you did was set yourself up for an evisceration by the leftist media , especially that angry young man you had never heard of , Jordan Shanks . His riposte  has now had more views than that episode of " The Twilight Zone " where the protagonist ruins his life by making a pact with the Devil . 

Anyway Chris , you need to regroup before launching more attacks against  your nemesis , Paul Barry , at Media Watch .    Sorry , I mean  the taxpayer funded ABC .    And it's important when regrouping to ensure that your powder isn't wet, your powder being the fact that President Biden has decided to reopen the investigation into the laboratory at Wuhan . 

 The problem is , Sky News has done nothing but call Mr Biden a fool since his face first appeared on our television  screens . 

You have a praised  his decision to investigate the possibilty that the covid gern did a runner from the Wuhan Lab ,   yet you and your comrades at Sky News all believe the man is a senile fool . 

Here are some quotes .  ( lightly paraphrased ) 

" he is monumental disaster "   ,    Rita Panahi 

" he is an embarrassment "   ,   Rowan Dean 

" he is sleepy Joe , the champion of the nutty left " , Paul Murray

 " he has no idea what he is doing "  ,   Cori Bernardi . 

 " he is an example of woke madness "   , James Morrow . 

"  he is cognitively gone "    ,   Alan jones 

 " his stupidity is a threat to the west "   ,  Andy Bolt . 

" let what's happening under Joe Biden be a lesson . "     Peta Credlin . 

Is it really a good idea to point out that this man thinks you may possibly be on the right track ?

  Do you remember your own quote about  President Biden  ? 

  " Welcome to the loopy left era of Joe Biden . "   ,   Chris Kenny . 

 Have you changed your mind about that Chris ? 

 Your comrade , Ken

 

 

'

Reference :- The undisputed matron of Sky News , Peta Credlin , interviewed fellow Sky reporter Rowan Dean ...again . Ho hum .

Reference :-   A gaunt and tired looking Rowan Dean bravely continued the fight for our future . But not the future of our children . 

I am right with you there Rowan .   You said it is outrageous to expect the environment minister to include the well being of future generations in the remit of their office .  Well put , I say . How would anybody be able to do their job properly if they had to worry about people who hadn't even been born yet ?

 Although my son Ken junior , the selfish little bugger , finds that attitude deplorable . 

" Any hominid species that hopes to survive for more than a blink of geological time must ensure that it's progeny can thrive . "     ,  Ken junior said .  

 " Are you trying to get me to raise your weekly allowance ? "  ,  I said .  

As you well know Rowan , everything always revolves around the mighty dollar . 

Anyway , to thank you for your insight , I thought I would help you with a bit of research . You said that no  scientific authority has claimed that climate change ( also known as  "the woke leftist global warming conspiracy " in non scientific circles )  has been accelerated  by human activity . 

You obviously forgot to look up the NASA website , where they not only believe in anthropogenic global warming , but also list 18 respected scientific authorities in the USA alone that have arrived at the same conclusion . 

 Of course one can't  rely on NASA as a scientific authority .  What have they ever done that shows any scientific expertise ?

 Your comrade , Ken .

 

 

 

Reference :- Plain speaking Prime Minister , Mr Scott Morrison , showed remarkable insight .

Reference :-  One can always rely on our Prime Minister to enlighten us regarding climate change . 

I don't know how you do it Mr Morrison , Sir .  My son, Ken junior , reckons you would have teams of highly qualified advisors , but I think you must have made this observation all by yourself .   I refer , of course , to your astute observation that the technology to reduce carbon emissions won't be built  at the tables of  inner city wine bars .   After hearing your observation  , I guess it is was pretty obvious , but sometimes the obvious is overlooked by the great unwashed .  

Anyway , good on you for finding another opportunity to lash out at the crazy woke left .  It is a useful strategy you have developed there , with many applications .  Have you thought of using  the following ? (kindly provided by the Sky Reply team ) 

"The economy won't be returned  to surplus at inner city wine bars . "        Ken junior 

" Covid 19 vaccines won't be manufactured at inner city wine bars . "       Monte 

"  Deaths in custody won't be eliminated at inner city wine bars . "        Gabbo 

 " Our Chinese trade war induced wine glut won't be eliminated at inner city wine bars . "   Ken senior 

Ken junior just tapped me on the back and said the last one doesn't work , for some reason . 

Anyway , the point is that no matter what crisis you have bungled , you have found a way to always make the other side look useless  . Well done . 

Your comrade , Ken 

 

Reference :- One of the fossil fuel experts at Sky News , Alan Jones , told us renewable energy will send us broke .

 Reference :-   Any country with plenty of fossil fuels should not waste money on renewable energy , or so Jonesie claims . 

I do like a chap who sticks to his guns , Jonesie .  Especially against overwhelming odds .  A mate of mine ( Wally ) has been working in the middle east where he has found himself a good job maintaining Ferraris for Arab Sheiks . Personally I don't think he knows a thing about engines , but I suppose they have found him a job emptying the ashrays and polishing the hubcaps or something . 

Anyway Jonesie , the other day he told me that these oil sheiks are putting solar panels up everywhere . Even to air condition workshops .  Wally says they are expecting to spend a trillion quid putting up solar panels over the next few years .   

 But the thing is , those swarthy dudes are floating on an ocean of top quality crude oil that they can plunder  gratis .  Why would they spend money that could go towards more Ferraris on overpriced solar energy ? 

 Ken junior is being a smart arse because I can't answer that particular question .  If you pen  me a quick explanation , Jonesie , I would be forever in your debt .  As a bloke ages it becomes more difficult to cling to one's credibilty in the eyes of the young ... especially those who are well informed . 

Your comrade , Ken . 

 

Reference :- Sky anchor Chris Kenny is in desperate need of advice .

 Reference :-   Chris Kenny is trying to fight wars on two fronts . He needs some friendly advice  . 

 Jeez Chris,  you sure have copped a flogging on those trendy new social media platforms lately  . Well actually that's not totally correct  . You have copped a flogging in the media generally . Well , flogging might not be the right word either . Ken junior calls it  "  the most devastating humiliation of a middle aged tool head by someone half his age that the world has ever seen ".  

 Anyway Chris , there is no point in letting Ken junior's spiteful woke Marxism dishearten you . You have been trying to fight wars on two fronts lately .   You have been fighting the ABC  ...sorry , I mean the TAXPAYER FUNDED ABC for years now , and with some success .   Plus , despite your risky use of the " taxpayer funded " moniker you have managed to conceal the fact that taxpayers have also funded the Murdoch propaganda empire to the tune of tens of millions of quid . 

But you were unwise to declare war on a second front while you have so few resources at your disposal.

(  You know the resources to which I allude  ..... facts , reliable sources , statements that aren't blatant lies...that sort of thing . ) 

I am referring of course to your disastrous brawl with that irritating young lad you pretend you don't know , " Friendlyjordies "  .   You should walk away from that debacle while you still have a skerrick of credibility. 

Ken junior tells me that your riposte on Sky News only gleaned  one view for every seven views  that young Jordie scored .  Annoyingly , young Jordie also scored 100 thumbs up for every disgruntled thumbs down , whereas you achieved six disgruntled thumbs down for each of your thumbs up . 

Those numbers are  disappointing at best Chris , and although a man with your talent could doubtless improve them  by relentlessly banging on and pretending to laugh , you have to ask yourself  " Is it worth the effort ? " 

There are many serious issues that require your in depth analysis , and wasting time in a pointless popularity contest has seen many an experienced journalist consigned to the dole queue . 

As a keen fan , I humbly suggest that you take a break for awhile . You can return refreshed  when young Jordie has found another caustic far right commentator to ruthlessly humiliate .  You are welcome to stay with us here in Kooralya .   The weather is congenial at this time of the year , and Ken junior says he would love to take you bowling at our new ten pin alley .  That would certainly help you forget all about that annoying Jordie fellow . 

Your comrade , Ken . 

PS  Give us plenty of notice if you decide to visit , so we can post you a wig and a fake beard  .  The chaps at the local chapter of The Fabian Society are best kept in the dark about some things .

 

 

 

Reference :- Sky News presenter Andy Bolt interviewed his comrade Rowan Dean who is a self taught climate change expert .

Reference :-  Watching all the " global warming craziness " could be enough to make Andy Bolt  hit the bottle . 

Andy and Rowan , you kept asking the question  " Who are these scientists who believe in climate change ? "   It's a good question indeed gentleman , and we are here to help you find the answer . 

Of course Ken junior , the crazy leftist , reckons you could just pick the name of any scientist at random from the telephone directory and there is a 97% chance that they will be one of the ones you are seeking . 

But is that true ?   Climate scientists claim  it is true of their own area of expertise , but it's unlikely that they speak for all scientists . 

 What about entomologists  and cosmologists and geneticists and dentists and all those other folk sporting  " ist " suffixes in their curricula vitae  .    Do they believe in the crazy climate change predictions ? 

 Fortunately somebody has recently done the hard work and explored this question .  And not a crazy leftist , thankfully . That comfortably conservative periodical our billionaires enjoy perusing ( Forbes Magazine ) recently published an article by a learned lecturer at Houston University named Eric Ritchie .  That well researched article tells us precisely what we need to know . 

 Mr Ritchie  ( no the name is not made up ) has great experience as a lecturer in  construction management for  the oil and gas industries .  Clearly he could be relied upon to produce an unbiased assessment of this supposed fossil fuel induced climate change crisis. 

 And as expected , after much manipulation of the figures from several studies , he has concluded that the 97 % figure is a gross exaggeration . 

 Indeed , he believes that the true figure sits somewhere between 80 % and 90%.  

 Ken junior reckons that certain scientists who are making a few quid from the fossil fuel industry , like geologists , might be reluctant to bite the hand that feeds them . But what has that got to do with anything ?  The numbers are the numbers I say , and you wouldn't catch me cancelling a joy flight just because 80 % of the engineers who checked the plane said it would crash . 

 Your comrade , Ken . 

PS   Rowan , might I suggest you start each interview with Andy by giving him a warm smile . At the moment you glance at him with a look that suggests you are worried about how much Scotch is perfusing his liver .... and his brain .

Reference :- Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all ?

Reference :-  No -nonsense  Sky Anchor , Chris Kenny , presented his magnum opus , which he cleverly titled  " Men in the Mirror .  It was his opportunity to disparage Mr Turnbull, and Mr Rudd , and he didn't hold back .

 Brilliant stuff Chris .  I don't know what inspired you to present a program highlighting the deficiencies of two former Prime Ministers , but hats off to you comrade , it was a winner . 

I mean , clearly his holy lordship Mr Murdoch only gave you a budget of about twelve quid to produce the program , but he knows that a journalist of your calibre would only see that as a challenge and excel regardless . 

 Ken junior wondered if the " South Park " gang had helped with the photoshopped animation . Especially the part where you appear in Parliament ( a place that , as you know , needs your input badly these days ) . Personally  I reckon you managed the entire project yourself , since it bears all the hallmarks of your journalistic style . ( Ken junior was probably influenced by the fact that you looked so much like Eric Cartman ).

Monte enjoyed the mandatory spooky music , which is vital for setting the mood .  Your comrade Peta Credlin  used spooky music music to good effect in her short horror flick " Deadly Decisions " , and you were wise to follow her example . 

As you know , one runs the risk of appearing biased in these cutting edge documentaries , so it was  pleasing to see that you avoided interviewing anybody from the crazy left , since they are always shamelessly biased . 

I salute you for relying solely on the common sense opinions of conservatives while exploring your topic , since comments by the crazy left would have diminished the impact of the entire program . 

Of course , as you would expect , Mr Rudd and Mr Turnbull have accused you of lies and distortions , which is typical of them .    For example , it was ridiculous when Mr Rudd tried to describe his own bedroom furnishings in a favorable light when you had already spoken to somebody ,who knew of somebody , who said somebody had told them Mr Rudd's bedroom was more or less a communist sanctuary . You were the one with the incontrovertible facts , so Mr Rudd merely looked foolish . 

Likewise , when Mr Rudd denied meeting somebody in a hotel sauna because the hotel in question didn't actually have a sauna, all he did was appear petty .  As we know , shifting focus by emphasizing  the non- existence of saunas or meetings is a ruse often employed by the left .

Anyway Chris , that is enough praise for one day , we wouldn't want you to get a  swelled head . 

Oh , one last thing .   I like the subtle way you pretended you had never heard of that annoying young chap Jordan Shanks .    If Mr Rudd can pretend that he hasn't spent days glued to the tube watching your program , you might as well pretend that you have never heard of the  "Friendlyjordies " show, despite the fact that you are mentioned on it regularly . 

I mentioned the " Friendlyjordies " show to the lads .

" Is Friendlyjordies  an extremely well informed witty leftist who makes the Sky News anchors sound like angry lying buffoons . "  ,  Gabbo said  

 "  I think so " ,   Monte said . 

   That's the trouble with the young ones these days Chris , they have no respect . 

 Your comrade , Ken . 

'  

 

 

  

 

 

 

Reference :- Here is the solution to Gabbo's conundrum .

Reference:-  Obviously everybody has already figured it out ,  but since we promised to publish the solution , here it is .  

The original 150 quid that the three Tories spent can be found like this . 

The Hotel reception has  100 quid   . ( 150 less the 50 refund )

Each of the three Tories has their ten quid refund   ... making 30 quid . 

The shifty bellboy has pocketed 20 quid . 

 According to my trusty slide rule ,    that adds up to 150 quid .

What bothers me is that I can't see a way to use this simple numerical deception to advantage at our next poker game .    I could do with some help , since I have been losing a packet playing with the lads lately .    It seems I always have to put in an extra ten quid when we divide the bank at th end of the night . 

Your comrade , Ken . 

 

  

Reference :- A semi - articulate Andy Bolt once again interviewed the charismatic Mark Latham .

 Reference : -  Andy Bolt and Mark Latham equated belief in climate change to medieval superstition. 

Well done chaps . That was a brilliant observation . It's just a shame that you didn't explore the analogy more completely . 

Thankfully the team here at The Sky Reply has done some research for you , and has produced further evidence to support your assertion .  The advent of modern technology has encouraged us to arrogantly assume that we don't make irrational conclusions .   Yet we are no more clever than our forebears , and possibly even less sagacious.   You are welcome to use the following on your show , free of consideration for copyright . 

In medieval times Hieromancy was practiced . This involved removing the entrails of a sacrificed creature and examining them to divine the future .  Today scientists drill two miles into the bowels of the earth with tungsten carbide drills to extract thousands of ice core samples which are examined using Microspectrophotometry  .  It is obviously the modern equivalent of Hieromancy , and doubtless as unreliable . 

Medieval folk also looked to the sky to forecast  the future . Comets and eclipses , for example , were seen as portents . Today we also look to the sky . We use  geosynchronous satellites and high altitude helium balloons to make predictions about the weather and measure changes in the atmosphere .  What is the difference ?

 Tyromancy was popular in the middle ages . This technique involved predicting the future by examining the holes in cheeses .    Today we use digital photography and ultraviolet radiation measurements  to measure the extent of holes in the ozone layer , and holes in the polar ice caps , to predict global trends in climate change .  Obviously that is just the same idea , updated somewhat , but just as foolish . 

 In the middle ages , women would throw Herring fat at the wall , and by looking at the pattern produced they would predict the future .    Today we do biochemical analyses of fish flesh to measure their uptake of heavy metals and toxic chemicals in an attempt to understand the world wide depletion of fish stocks and the spread of environmental pollution .   I ask you , does this make more sense than a splatter of fat on a cottage wall ?   

 These days scientists  may have a lot of technological data  at their  disposal ,  but really , as you say chaps , are they any less superstitious  than Macbeth's witches ? 

 Your comrade , Ken .    

PS   The solution to yesterday's mathematics problem will be released soon .

 

Reference :- Figures can be deceptive .

Reference:-   Gabbo's conundrum has me beat . Perhaps somebody can help .  

So this is the riddle . 

Three Tories try to book the night at a hotel room during a gas led economic recovery conference .  Unfortunately the hotel is almost fully booked .   The manager tells them they only have one room with three beds available for 150 quid .   The three Tories decide to share the room , and each pay 50 quid for the night . 

Later the manager realizes that the room is one of the cheap ones , and he should have charged them 100 quid .  He calls the bellboy and tells him to take 50 quid back to the overcharged Tories .  He hands the bellboy five ten quid notes . 

While in the elevator the bellboy decides that trying to split five ten quid notes between three Tories will be awkward .  Being entrepreneurial  ( shifty ) , the bellboy decides to give  the Tories one ten quid note each and pocket the other two ten quid notes for himself .   How would they know ?  

 The three Tories  ( and the bellboy ) were happy with the deal . 

So in the end , each Tory has paid 40 quid for the night ( 50 less the refunded ten quid note  ) , which meant they paid 120 quid for the room  ( 3 times 40 ) .    And the bellboy pocketed two ten quid notes , which is 20 quid . This adds up to 140 quid . 

 So where is the missing ten quid note that makes up the original 150 quid ?  

 I am sure I could work it out eventually , but there are more pressing matters to attend to , and I don't want to waste my time on Gabbo's stupid brain teaser . 

 Your comrade , Ken 

 

 

Reference:- The federal budget has been revealed , and the Sky News anchors are concerned .

 Reference :-    The Sky News anchors think this budget looks like one that the crazy left might produce .

Dear custodians of conservative economic policy at Sky News , 

By Jove , we haven't had a budget like this from the Tories before .   After watching Sky News  I started to worry about uncontrolled government debt . It will soon be 43% of  GDP at this rate ! 

Here at The Sky Reply young Monte is our numbers man , so I asked him to explain the country's economy in layman's  terms .   

"It's easy enough to understand if you just think of the nation as a household . Clearly it is common sense to equate an entire nation's economy to a household budget , since the only difference is simply one of scale , Monte said  .   I liked the sound of that . 

 " Keep talking .  I like simple explanations . "  ,  I said

  Monte explained the obvious , which is that the countries most in debt are in a bad way , whereas those with little debt  are prosperous .   

 " Give me some examples " , I said . 

 " Well the UK , France , Germany , the  USA , and Singapore all have two or three times the government debt we have in Australia . "  ,   Monte said . 

  " Those places must be dreadful " , I said . 

  "  Name some countries with less debt than us . "  ,  I said . 

 " Kosovo has half our debt ratio . Afghanistan a quarter of it  , and Libya about a tenth . " Monte said 

 "  Well those countries must be the most prosperous in the world . "  ,  I said

  Gabbo had been listening . 

 "  Can I say something  ? "  ,   Gabbo said . 

 "  A household income stops when the breadwinners retire , but a country's income goes on indefinitely and continues to grow with time . That means the household budget analogy is wrong .  "  Gabbo said . 

 " Stop complicating things Gabbo . "  ,  I said . 

 " And tell me , why is the government encouraging folk to borrow ten times their annual income to buy a house if debt is bad ?   That is 1000% of their personal GDP , and they have only a limited working life to pay it back . "  ,  Gabbo said . 

 " You're making my brain hurt . " , I said . 

  Anyway ,  Gabbo then gave me a money problem to solve .

 He calls it " Find the missing money . " 

 It looks simple ,  but if I can't work it out myself  I will ask for help in tomorrow's post . 

 Your comrade , Ken .

   

 

  

. 

 

 

'

Reference :- There has been a minor contretemps here at The Sky Reply .

Reference :-   Soon after returning to our typewriters , a disagreement erupted at the Sky Reply office. 

For a few days we had all attempted to ignore the pachyderm in the room.  Clearly that couldn't last .   Monte had been sullen all morning as he typed furiously on his Remington .  Suddenly he stood up , tore the sheet of paper from it's carriage and waved it in the air . 

" It's about time somebody wrote this ! "  ,    Monte said . 

Gabbo tried to grab the sheet , but I beat him to it . 

 "  Angry Andy's Alcohol Affliction  ".   the headline read . 

 Well that is the kind of banner headline that can land a chap in court facing punitive litigation . And Mr Bolt is no stranger to the courtroom .

  "  Jeez Monte , you cant say that . You need proof  ! "  I said 

 "   He can hardly articulate a word with more than two syllables ! "    Monte said . 

 " What if he is bravely struggling to deliver quality journalism while suffering from cancer of the lingual frenum or something ? "  ,    I said . 

  "  He sways about and rolls his eyes . "     Monte said . 

 "  He might be on chemotherapy for tongue cancer   . "  I said 

   Monte appeared unconvinced . 

 " Also painkillers . "   I said . 

 "  He might also be a vile drunken buffoon drinking away the pathetic remnants of his deplorable career .  "   ,  Monte said . 

 " Well even if he does like a drink  , at least he hasn't been fooled into drinking the Kool-Aid of Cultural Marxism . " , I said . 

 " Would you care to define that ?  " , Monte said . 

When Monte is like that , there is no reasoning with him .   I tore his manuscript to pieces and handed it back to him . 

 "   We are going to run with Gabbo's story today . "   I said . 

 I gestured to Gabbo , who handed me the story he had been working on .

 "   Belligerent Bolt's Brazen Boozing . "     the headline said . 

Sigh ....... it's going to be one of those days . 

  Your comrade , Ken .

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Reference :- As hoped , we can reveal a fresh approach to the provision of aged care .

 Reference :-   The Sky Reply team visited octogenarian and local identity , Harry , who outlined what he plans to do when he reaches old age . 

Harry has always been a " do it yourself " type .    He erected  the shed he lives in himself , and has always maintained it . He  built his old Landrover himself , using parts from a couple of wrecks .    If the fridge or the washing machine packs it in , he will repair it himself . I guess you would call him an all round handiman . 

After watching Jonesie report on the state of aged care facilities nation wide , Harry has decided he can turn his shed into his own an aged care facility .  He ran his idea past us , and we have to admit it has merit . 

Harry reckons he can reproduce all the features essential to any aged care facility . 

1.    He can readily transform his bunk into a rat infested bed with filthy sheets at no cost .

2.    He reckons sitting all day in a pair of soiled pajamas can also be achieved at no cost . 

3.    He claims that eating a diet of slop devoid of nutrition is inexpensive and requires no culinary expertise . 

4.    He can arrange to gradually drain his bank account by leasing a BMW for an arrogant  CEO .

5.    He can medicate himself into a stupor with moonshine Rum from his still , saving the cost of tablets . 

6 .   He already doesn't get any visitors , so that won't change . 

However , he did ask me and Ken junior to help him with the last two things . 

" I need somebody to disturb me from a peaceful nap three times each day to serve me lukewarm tea and a stale biscuit .  And I need somebody to sexually assault me in the bathroom when I am taking a shower . "  Harry said .

Ken junior looked nervously about . 

"  I will stock up on teabags and Arrowroot biscuits then . "   ,  Ken junior said . 

And swiftly departed . 

Your comrade , Ken . 

 

 

 

Reference :- It's been very disappointing perusing all the Sky News presentations we missed .

 Reference :-    The Sky Reply team decided to look at viewer numbers as an indication of which Sky News presentations we should view first . 

Where have all the Sky News viewers gone ?   Being of mature years myself , I hoped  that Jonesie's excellent appraisal of the  Aged Care Royal Commission's findings would score plenty of views , but no . 

 About one percent of aged folk watched his show , and nobody else could be bothered .   For every person who tuned in to watch the aged care segment there were hundreds who glued themselves to the tube while Jonesie raved about the damage inflicted on the civilized world by somebody called Prince Harry and a sheila called Megan . ( I have never heard of them myself , but Ken junior tells me they are husband and wife . ) 

 Anyway ,  I watched the whole aged care show and gave it a thumbs up , which pushed the thumbs up number across the fifty mark .   But I guess nobody gives a rat's about old folk in this country , which would explain the fact that we only spend .04 % of national income on aged care . 

  And that is all the news of interest we missed while holidaying . Although it does look like Andy Bolt is hitting the bottle again , which is always good for a laugh .  

Your comrade , Ken

PS  .   Our mate Harry , who is the other octogenarian in Kooralya  , tells me he has his own plan for aged care when the time comes .   We hope to reveal this in tomorrow's Sky Reply .

 

Reference :- The Sky Reply has returned from holidays .

 Reference :-  The Sky Reply team has just returned to their  premises in Kooralya , eager to see what has happened at Sky News during their absence  . 

We haven't even flicked on the tele yet .  The grass in the yard is knee high and teeming with fever infested mosquitoes .  Dog was excited to see us , and jumped all over us with muddy paws . Mice have not only devastated the pantry , but have also chewed through several of our prized first editions and my pack of marked playing cards . 

 All the labels have been chewed off the canned food . 

 " How are we supposed to work out what is in each of these cans  ? "  ,    I said 

  " They are all baked beans . "  ,  Gabbo said .

 Ken junior is chopping some wood to light the stove so we can have hot showers  . Monte and Gabbo are about to try push starting  the ute , which has a flat battery .   

 " If you can start it , go into town and grab a loaf of bread . "    I said . 

 " We are having baked beans on toast for  dinner . "     I said . 

 The trouble with holidays is that one generally returns penniless . 

 I can hardly wait to be informed concerning the state of the nation when we flick on Sky News . 

 "  I bet the first thing we see is a news anchor complaining about a woke lunatic who has been offended by a childrens fairy tale .  And I bet  Paul Murray has found  some new insulting monikers with which to assert his superiority over various high profile folk .  And I bet the Royal Commission into  the media has been ignored . "    Ken junior said . 

 "   Oh for heavens sake ! "  ,   I said . 

 " What ? ".   , Ken junior said . 

  "  All these cans have sliced  peaches in them !  "    I said . 

     Your comrade , Ken