Reference :- Here is a quick summary of recent events in Australian politics .

 Reference : -  For those too busy to watch the television , this is a precis of recent political events . 

1 .    Mr Albanese is now Prime Minister with a majority in the lower house .  He has offered to end the combatant culture of the Canberra bubble and work cooperatively with the other parties for the good of the country . 

2.  Mr Peter Dutton is now the leader of the opposition . He has promised to fight the hard battle against the incompetent new government and hold them to account on every front . 

3.  The former Prime Minister , Mr Morrison , accepts that he had a reputation as a hard man ,and that promising to change in order to be re-elected was a failed strategy . 

4 The new leader of the opposition , Mr Peter Dutton , accepts that he has a reputation as a hard man , and has promised to change in order to win the next election . 

5. After ten years running the country , the Coalition tells us the economy is already in tatters  just days after Labor has won government . 

6. Sky News has rolled up it's sleeves , and has already started it's campaign to destroy the Albanese government  .  

I fear there will be no rest for the  Sky Reply team . 

Your tired comrade , Ken .

 

 

Reference :- According to Sky News anchor , James Morrow , " the left " is responsible for the Texas school massacre .

Reference :-  Once again the mysterious " left  " has been blamed for a tragedy . 

 

Dear James , 

                           All I can say is thank God we don't have any of those " lefties " out here in Kooralya .   Personally I have no idea what a " leftie " is .   I asked the chaps down at the Kooralya Worker's Club , but nobody had ever met one of those " lefties " you always bang on about .  

 We have noticed that anybody who disagrees with your personal opinions on any subject at all is instantly defined as a " leftie " , which can be confusing for us . 

Ken junior decided to look up the definition of " leftie " on that interweb thing ,  since I could find no mention of them in my 1969 copy of  Funk and Wagnalls . 

 " It says here that the left side of politics supports social equality , justice , civil rights , and environmental conservation . " , Ken junior said . 

" What about giving  teenagers assault rifles  ? " ,  I said 

" Nothing here about that . " ',  Ken junior said . 

" While you're there , does it say they push up living costs ?  Sky News says they do that too . " , I said 

" Nope . Nothing here about that either . " , Ken junior said . 

I guess that leaves me as confused as ever , James . Perhaps the  American gun lobby and the 50 Republican senators who oppose gun restrictions are all raving " lefties  " ? 

 Anyway , just because I am not clever enough to understand  it , that doesn't mean the point you are making is invalid . 

  Your comrade , Ken

 

 

                        

Reference :- Sky News' " Outsiders " revealed the cause of rising prices .

 Reference :-  Rita Panahi and Rowan Dean interviewed each other (again ) on " Outsiders " concerning the topic of rising prices . 

Dear Rita and Rowan , 

                                       Here at the Sky Reply we approve of graphs .  Usually Rowan shows us graphs that prove a new Ice Age is upon us ,  but on this occasion it was a graph proving that climate alarmists are causing inflation .  The thing about graphs is that they are easy to understand , and cannot be manipulated like statistical data  . It has been said that if you torture data enough they will confess to anything , but that is not so with graphs . 

Anyway , we could clearly see on the graph you showed us that the use of the expression " climate catastrophe " by the media has risen in tandem with prices .  The correlation is indisputable . But don't expect the media to stop alarming us about the climate , doubtless they are profiting nicely from this shameful manipulation . 

Furthermore , and we offer this observation gratis , have you noticed that house prices have risen in  tandem with your use of the expression " crazy lefties ".  ?   We plotted the graph , and that correlation is also indisputable . 

Perhaps you could consider avoiding the expression for a few weeks while house prices fall , and then using it at every opportunity to push prices up again ?     Let us know if you decide to do it , since we could form a consortium out here in Kooralya , buy a beachfront unit while the price is right,  and later sell it for a handsome profit .

Sure , it is a bit like insider trading ( Ken junior reckons we could call it " Outsider Trading " ) , but times are tough and we all need to make a quid . 

Thanking you in advance , 

Your comrade , Ken

 

Reference :- The wittiest anchors at Sky News were too clever for their audience in a recent presentation .

Reference :-   Sky anchors Rita Panahi and Rowan Dean commented on Dr Monique Ryan's win in the federal election . 

Dear Rita and Rowan , 

                                               Hahaha . Your presentation really cracked me up last night . If anybody has the qualifications to ridicule a Paediatric Neurologist with 150 peer reviewed publications to her credit , it is definitely you guys . Who is this so called Dr Monique Ryan anyway ?  And what was she doing running for parliament ?  

The fact that she has wasted decades of her life treating sick children says all we need to know about her credibilty and integrity .   She may have won the seat of Kooyong in a landslide , but I ask you , how far would she have got without the 1,500 volunteers and 2, 000 donors that she tricked into supporting her ? 

And another thing , what happened with that door knocking campaign she ran ?     Eight out of ten people who opened their doors ended up voting for her . You can't tell me that isn't suspicious . 

Anyway Rita and Rowan ,  I adored the way you mocked her qualifications as a doctor who specializes in children' s brains by behaving like spiteful 4 year olds . I reckon her stupid degree in paediatric neurology wouldn't help her cope with you guys .  Sadly most of your audience was too stupid to notice the reference , as evidenced by the puny 220 thumbs up you received on you tube . Not quite in the same league as Dr Ryan's 40, 000 votes. 

Life can be unfair , but don't lose heart . 

Your comrade,  Ken

 

Reference:- Another school shooting in Texas has shocked most of the world .

 Reference:-  Although it hasn't particularly shocked 50 Republican Senators . 

What can one say ?  The Sky Reply team is lost for words .  Instead of words we decided to simply list some figures and let them do the talking .   The figures are presented in two categories . 

                                               1.       The Death Toll

Number of victims required to qualify as a mass shooting in the USA   .....................  4

Number killed in the latest mass shooting .   ............................................................... 21

Number of mass shootings in the USA  so far in 2022    ........................................... 214

Number of people killed by guns in the USA so far in 2022 ..................................17,300

                                      2.   The Factors Influencing Gun Laws . 

Percentage of USA citizens who want stricter gun laws ..................................................................90%

Number of Republicans lead by Mitch McConnell who oppose stricter gun laws ......................... 50

Amount of money Senator Mitch McConnell has received from the gun lobby ........................$1,200,000

Number of Republican Senators who have received more than $1,000,000 from the gun lobby ....... 15

Amount that Republican Senator Mitt Romney has received from the gun lobby ..................... $13,000,000

 

We think these figures speak for themselves  , rather eloquently . 

Your comrade , Ken .

Reference :- Sky News anchor , Paul Murray has updated his nickname for our new Prime Minister .

 Reference :-   Paul Murray now calls " each way albo " by a new nickname . 

Dear Paul , 

                     Without doubt a charming nickname is one way of showing one's respect for somebody in high office .  Now that Mr Albanese is the leader of the country an update of his nickname does seem to be warranted , and we see that you have decided to run with   " aussie Joe " . 

Personally , I like the sound of it , although Ken junior reckons you should clear it with the former heavyweight boxer " aussie Joe Bugner " who could well knock your block off if he disapproves .   Sure , you are a heavyweight yourself , but you don't appear to be in peak condition for a fight . 

Anyway , on the topic of nicknames , the lads at the Sky Reply have decided to nickname you after a character in Star Wars , so from now on they will refer to you as " Murray the Hutt " .  Not being a fan of inauthentic Hollywood science fiction myself , I have no idea what that means , although I suspect it might be a cryptic reference to your man cave . 

Finally , let me say that I did like the way you saved face when you interviewed four commentators in a row who said they had been impressed by the way Mr Albanese .... sorry , I mean  " each way Albo "  ....wait .... I mean " aussie Joe "  , had performed at his first international summit . It looked like they had you on your back foot against the ropes until you hit back with that clever retort  " it was impossible for anyone to screw it up " .  Sheer brilliance . I can't imagine anybody screwing up at a meeting of national leaders , since everybody is too polite . You would hardly expect the leader of one country to call the leader of another a liar , for example , unless severely provoked .  And who would be incompetent enough to incite that sort of response ? 

That's the thing about international diplomacy , any idiot could do it . 

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- The matron of Sky News , Peta Credin , is wearing her mourning dress .

 Reference:-  Sky News is in mourning after the Teal Independents stole the election .

Dear Peta , 

                     The sombre black you wore during last night's cutting edge presentation duly reflected the grief felt by the electorate following  Mr Morrison's crushing defeat .  ( Except , of course , for the deluded  two thirds of the population who voted him out , who are unseemly in their jubilation . ) It was brave of you to soldier on despite your distress , although the difficulty you had reading the teleprompter did give the game away . 

Ken junior heartlessly remarked that your bumbling with the teleprompter worked in your favor , since it concealed the fact that nothing you said made any sense .   That may be true , but the young have it too easy these days , and don't know know what it is like to experience emotional devastation . 

Anyway Peta , please don't wear black for too long . You don't want the great unwashed to think you are milking the situation for all it's worth .  Your comrade , Paul Murray , has been doing that , and nothing looks more pathetic than a teary eyed man of generous girth raving like a spiteful lunatic . 

We look forward to seeing you all glammed up in colorful designer fabrics by week's end . 

But avoid anything in a shade of teal , at least for the moment . 

Your comrade , Ken .

Reference :- The Sky Reply Team extends it's condolences to Sky News .

References :-   Sky News lost their battle to save the Prime Minister  , despite the ferocity with which they fought their natural enemy , the ABC .  

Dear Sky News team , 

                                       Nobody could have fought harder than you to save Mr Morrison from electoral humiliation . But as with the devastating loss of  your favorite president , Donald Trump , you must wipe away the tears ( especially Paul Murray )  and get back to fighting the crazy lefties .  Our thoughts at this sad time are with Peta Credlin in particular .  No doubt Peta's lacrimal glands became barren years ago , and her tear ducts are probably as schlerotic as Paul Murray's arteries , but we could tell from the wrinkle of her lips that she was suffering hugely .  We are confident that she will find a way to vent her anger by vilifying some minority or other , but on this occasion she should take care to remain out of court . We don't want to lose her .

Anyway , on a  more upbeat note , Andy Bolt has his booze for consolation , and Chris Kenny can return to berating the ABC  ( I mean the taxpayer funded ABC ) for solace .  Rowan Dean can run a few of his weather boy reports  ( carefully  ignoring the unprecedented heatwaves in India ) , since it is always snowing in some clime or other .   Before we know it everything will be back to normal . 

Lastly , we commend you for your astute analysis of the crushing electoral defeat .  As you say , clearly the LNP has moved too far to the left , causing the faithful to desert them in droves .  Gabbo tried to tell me that the deserters actually voted for candidates who were even more leftist  than the LNP  , but I set him straight . 

 "  What are you talking about ? Idiot . " ,  I explained   

The sooner you start pushing for Peter Dutton to lead the LNP the better . He has the charm and personality to warm the hearts of the great unwashed , despite remaining steadfastly conservative . Plus anybody who criticizes him risks being sued . 

Your comrade , Ken

Reference:- Many citizens are not sure how to cast their vote .

Reference :-   The Sky Reply questionnaire could help you decide which party deserves your vote . 

 

Last night the Sky Reply team sat down and completed the ABC Vote Compass online survey   .   There sure were a lot of questions to answer  , and some needless repetition . Plus it took a long time , and many folk are busy with other pressing matters . Like revising their household budgets to deal with the many economic challenges confronting them , or selling any superfluous goods and chattels  ( like fridges and washing machines ) on Gumtree . 

As a service to the community we have distilled the ABC Vote Compass down to it's essentials , to make it easier . We were going to call it The Sky Reply Vote Sat Nav , but Ken junior reminded us that Sky News does that already .  Which is true , all one has to do is flick on Sky News , and a firm voice will tell you where to direct your vote .  It certainly saves a lot of thinking , but some folk may wish to do at least a little  thinking before casting their vote .  

  Can't work out who to vote for ?   This simple questionnaire will help you decide . 

  1    What is the current unemployment rate ? 

          a         5%

          b         4%

          c          Ahhh errrr  4 point ..... I dunno . 

          d          couldn't give a rat's arse 

  2     Who is our greatest enemy ? 

         a      China 

         b      Russia 

         c      Wall St

         d      All of the above 

3.     When does Scott Morrison tell lies ? 

       a      All the time .

       b     When he feels like it .

       c     To cover his mistakes .

       d     All of the above 

4     The huge national debt is :- 

       a      unsustainable 

       b      the fault of big companies that pay no tax

       c      the fault of doll bludgers 

       d      couldn't give a rat's arse 

5     A hung parliament will :-

      a      ruin the country.

      b      give a voice to the people .

      c      send a message to the major parties .

      d      make bugger-all  difference . 

6    Climate change is :-

     a   A hoax .

    b   A threat .

    c   An existential threat .

    d   We are all going to die !

Now you can calculate your score , as follows .     For each a , b , or c answer , score 1 point . 

For each d answer score 1000 points .  

If your total score is between the 6 and 6000 , either candidate deserves  your vote . Always remember what your vote can do  . ( Refer to 5d above ). 

 

Actually , we are just joking ...

For the love of God vote the fucking LNP out !! 

And hope like mad an ICAC is established so that the vile privileged grifters go to jail !! 

This has been a nonpartisan community service announcement by The Sky Reply . 

 ( authorized by Ken junior , Gabbo and Monte . Kooralya ) 

Your comrade , Ken .

 

 

Reference:- Marketing genius , Scott Morrison , showed us his best form .

Reference :-  Mr Morrison has shown us how to buy votes from people using their own money .  

Dear Mr Morrison , sir , 

   I have to hand it to you , that plan to buy votes  from young folk using their own money is sheer genius . I don't know how you do it . With the punters deserting the Tories in droves , and the pre-polling booths already disturbingly open , there is a pressing urgency to buy votes .  Those 250 quid handouts are long forgotten , and if you shook any more spondula from the deficit budget piggy bank it would not be a good look. 

 But getting those whingers who wasted their money on smashed avocado breakfasts  ( not a brand of cereal I have even heard of )  to use their own superannuation as a home loan deposit is a brilliant idea . 

Of course , we all know that house prices will be pushed up , since there is a shortage of supply which is unlikely to be remedied for some time .  But those superannuation funds will end up in the hands of the banks and their shareholders , where we can confidently expect they will be well managed .   Sure , the housing market is already higher than a cat's back , and when the crash comes some folk might regret losing their superannuation . But that is down the track , and somebody else will have to say " sorry " . 

The banks never stop declaring record profits , and if your policy is enacted that is sure to continue .  I only wish I could afford to buy a few bank shares , but my mortgage is killing me .  

Gabbo , who tends to overreact ,  reckons he has never seen a more blatant example of a policy that transfers wealth from the poor to the rich . 

 " Look Gabbo ,  superannuation is your money , you should be able to access it ." , I said 

" It won't be your money if you give to the banks for an overpriced depreciating asset . " , Gabbo said .  

"  That may be true , but at least it won't be wasted on smashed avocado breakfast cereal . ",  I said  

" No , it will be spent on champagne breakfasts in the Cayman Islands . " , Gabbo said  

  What the hell does that mean ? 

Your comrade , Ken

 

 

Reference :- Confident Prime Minister , Mr Morrison , described himself as a " bulldozer ".

Reference :-   Do others think Mr Morrison is a " bulldozer " ? 

I asked The Sky Reply team if they thought Mr Morrison was correct when he described himself as a " bulldozer ". 

" He is half right . " , Ken junior said . 

" How is that ? " , I said . 

" The 'bull' part is right ." , Ken junior said 

" What about the other half ? " ,  Monte said . 

" Nah , I won't say what it should be .  I don't want to sound bitter . " ,  Ken junior said 

" Hey , I have an idea for a poem . ", Gabbo said . 

Don't ask me what that was all about . 

Your comrade , Ken .

 

 

Reference :- Former Australian Commissioner to the Solomon islands , Trevor Sofield, has been manhandled by Scomo's security police .

Reference :- Trevor Sofield was a High Commissioner in a previous Liberal government , but that doesn't mean he is allowed to talk with Scott Morrison during a public meeting on the campaign trail . 

Dear Scott Morrison's Security Team , 

For the love of God , how are you expected to do your job properly if you can't shove an old bloke around when he asks permission to speak ?  That shoving about looked very respectful , and I reckon the old bloke had a hide expecting to get special treatment just because he is a retired High Commissioner .  We live in a democracy where citizens enjoy equal rights , and he should be shoved around just the same as any other 75 year old with a PhD and an Honors Degree . 

The last thing Mr Morrison needs is some overqualified academic with years of experience in the Solomon Islands asking stupid questions while he is buttering up the unwashed in a swinging seat . 

Fortunately most of the media have missed this awkward moment , but if it does surface somewhere in the dying days of the campaign and Mr Morrison is asked to comment , I suggest he respond by saying ..

" Well that's a lie . It never happened . " 

If actual footage of the said " shoving about " is shown to him , he can say ...

" Well I never asked anybody to do that . That's not my job . " 

Furthermore , if somebody says that Mr Sofield found the "shoving about " traumatic  , and asks whether  Mr Morrison will apologize and speak with him,  Mr Morrison should say...

" Look , I understand that a " shoving about " can be traumatic , and he has my sympathy . But I can assure you that my government is committed to listening to voters . We are not like the Labor party , who think they have the answers for everything but only put up taxes and power prices . " 

And if a particularly persistent journalist says  " But will you apologize and talk with Mr Sofeld  ? " , Mr Morrison should say ....

  " I believe I have just answered that question . " 

Of course , this is simply Mr Morrison's standard recipe for dealing with the free ( for the moment ) press. 

However,  he has a lot on his plate at the moment so he might appreciate some help from a well wisher as election day looms . 

Your comrade , Ken 

 P.S .  If you see former Liberal  Cabinet Minister Brendan Nelson about , shove him away from Mr Morrison as well . He might let the cat out of the bag regarding  the fact that it was him , and not Labor's Kevin Rudd who originally opposed the QUAD security agreement .  Mr Morrison specifically accused Kevin Rudd of making that mistake  , and a week from the election there are only so many lies he  can defend .

 

Reference:- Sensitive and compassionate Liberal candidate for Warringah is one of Mr Morrison's captain's picks .

Reference:- Katherine Deves , the Liberal candidate for Warringah has copped some flak from the media . 

 

Dear Katherine , 

                             I can't see why you  deserved all that flak from the media just because you described gender confirmation surgery as " mutilating " .   There was no need to apologise for that , and I am glad you later retracted , or at least redefined , your apology . As you say , " mutilating " is the accepted " medico-legal terminology " , so you did nothing wrong .  It is not your fault if somebody chooses to find that description hurtful . 

 So think nothing more of such nonsense , Katherine .  Mr Morrison has stood by you , and that is all that matters . 

Anyway , moving on , your use of the correct medico-legal terminology reminded me of an occasion in my childhood when the doctor visited uncle Phineas , who was ill in bed . 

After a thorough examination uncle Phineas spoke up . 

" So what do you reckon doc ? " , uncle Phineas said . 

"  You are a terminal case Phineas . You will suffer terrible agony , and then die . " ,  the doctor said . 

At the time I thought this was very insensitive , but I now realize that it was important for the doctor to run with the correct " medico-legal terminology ". Uncle Phineas simply had to face the facts .

As fate would have it , uncle Phineas didn't suffer any pain at all . Two days later he jumped out of bed .  

" I have never felt better in my life . " , uncle Phineas said . 

 He grabbed his hat and headed to the pub to celebrate . 

 I daresay those folk you spoke of might not have felt  " mutilated " at all . In fact they might even have said " I never felt better in my life . " just like uncle Phineas . 

But their feelings are not your responsibility  , are they Katherine ? 

Good luck in the looming election . 

Your comrade , Ken

 

 

 

 

 

Reference :- This election campaign has been torturing us for about one million years .

Reference :-  And there are still a million years to go . 

Everybody is becoming exhausted by the dreary election campaign . We thought it was time for a poem ... to lighten things up . 

                                                         The Election Campaign . 

                                 

                                             As the grim day of voting nears , 

                                             With the nation deep in arrears , 

                                             The tortured news watcher, 

                                             Gets fed  moments " gotcha " , 

                                             And cut ins by young David Speers . 

 

Your comrade, Ken

                                          

Reference :- Nobody could bear to watch the leaders' debate on channel nine , except Sky reporter Chris Kenny .

Reference :-   Bellicose Sky reporter , young Chris Kenny  , loves a good brawl . 

 

Dear Chris , 

                        That leaders' debate on channel nine sure deteriorated into a disgraceful shouting match pretty quickly .  The lads here at The Sky Reply couldn't bear to watch it , but like you , I thought it was a ripper of a debate . Sure , we didn't learn anything from it , like actual policies or the suchlike  , but that wasn't the point . Like you , I just wanted to see some blood flow .

I reckon we should just stick Scomo and Albo in a boxing ring and let them go for it . That's what the public wants , not rational debate .   And I reckon you and Paul Barry  ( you know , that bloke from the ABC ... sorry , I mean the "taxpayer funded ABC " ) should glove up and be the support act . 

And maybe the big slugfest could be run at the ABC ?  The public broadcaster has been ignored completely through the election debates and would likely jump at the opportunity to become involved . 

The bookie out here at Kooralya will happily accommodate the punters . Young Albo is at his fighting weight , but Scomo fights dirty so it would be a tight match . 

As for you and Paul Barry , Paul is a bit lean  , while you carry some weight . On the other hand Paul is agile ,while you have to rotate your entire carcass to look at your big televison screen , so both fights seem like even money to me .

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Are we watching an election campaign , or a weeks long episode of " Hard Quiz " ?

 Reference :-  Even the winners on "Hard Quiz " can't answer every question , including those on their special subject . 

Here at the Sky Reply we couldn't give a rat's for how well a prospective Prime Minister can memorize statistics . Or , for that matter , remember all the specific details of a complex policy .  A Prime Minister has a team of ministers with specific portfolios who have that responsibilty . The role of a Prime Minister is to lead a team , and it is the direction of that leadership that interests us . 

Anyway , we turned the tele off this morning , and took a break from the endless parade of " gotcha " moments that have taken the place of genuine policy analysis .  .  

" That was like asking the hospital superintendent what the correct dosage of anaesthetic is for somebody of your body weight , and then being told by the receptionist that you should cancel your operation because he doesn't know . "  Monte said . 

" Yeah , and in truth the anaesthetist might be the best in the country . "   Gabbo said 

" Yeah , and if you don't have the operation the gangrene will rapidly worsen . " , Ken junior said . 

" Ok. Ok , let's not carry the analogy too far . The next thing you will say is that the receptionist gives you a card to visit the quack down the road , who is her brother . "  I said . 

Sometimes the lads do get carried away . 

Just like the media . 

Your comrade , Ken .