Reference :- Pembroke Resources have been given the go ahead for a massive new coal mine in Queensland .

Reference :-   The Olive Downs Coal Mine is ready to roll . But what about the koalas , the sugar gliders and various other native creatures that need an ecosystem ? 

Careful research by The Sky Reply has revealed that unlike past mining projects , this one is being managed more responsibly .   Mind you , only a teensy bit more responsibly .  Mining enthusiast and former Federal Minister for Shutting Things Down , Mr Ian MacFarlane has pointed out that the royalties from the coal mine will contribute towards the provision of roads , schools and healthcare in Queensland . 

And indeed that is true , strictly speaking .  Here at The Sky Reply , numbers man  Monte , has looked at the contribution these coal royalties will make to Queensland's public purse .  Taking an optimistic figure of 75 million quid each year for flogging off the coal , we could increase the health care budget by around two percent .  Of course that would leave nothing for roads and schools .   I guess anything is better than nothing . 

Besides the general public , other major stakeholders impacted by the mine include koala bears , sugar gliders and various  owls , reptiles and the like .   Thankfully the generous managers at Pembroke Resources have put aside a cool one million quid to look after these luckless creatures . That figure will be spread over ten years , meaning 100, 000 quid per year .  

The lads at The Sky Reply almost submitted a tender for that 100,000  . Ken junior , Monte and Gabbo thought they could save all those native animals and make themselves a handy profit in the process .

Looking at the population density of endangered fauna , numbers man,  Monte , at first thought that to make a small profit would mean spending 20 quid per koala . But then Ken junior mentioned the sugar gliders , and Gabbo mentioned the owls and goannas , and before they knew it they were down to spending about five bob per creature .   Ken junior reckons that even if they captured  them in old beer cartons and relocated them at the Kooralya Memorial Park , they would still run at a loss .   

I guess that means not relocating every one of them  .  After all, it's is a bit much to ask a mining company that anticipates a paltry turnover of 1.5 billion quid per year to blow out their overheads because the foolish  creatures made a poor lifestyle choice , and established digs  above a coal seam .   Nonetheless , at least some will be saved .  

Won't they ?          Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Reanimated Sky Anchor , Alan Jones , made a strange remark .

Reference :-   Alan Jones  told us that it's not a good idea to sling mud at folk .  Obviously , for him ,  that is a very recent insight .

 

 That was a good point you made Jonesie .  If the Democrats throw too much dirt at Mr Trump's replacement for Ruth Bader Ginsburg , Amy Corey Barrett , they will only make themselves look small , petty and vicious .   As you and young Andy Bolt know , one can seldom throw dirt without suffering collateral damage .   

Thanks for drawing our attention to something that might have been forgotten amidst the noise and clamour .

Sock it to them Jonesie .   Your comrade ,  Ken

 

 

Reference :- It's snowing in Victoria

Reference :-  Victoria hasn't been this cold in Spring for twenty years . Ice Age Watch anchorman Rowan Dean will be thrilled . 

Rowan , what great news this is . Snow in Victoria !   You might have to wait until after the weekend to run your story , but I doubt that the snow , or your tumescence , will have subsided by then . 

Anyway Rowan , on this occasion we are most keen  that you put a good effort into your next weather boy appearance .   And this is why . 

Up in the Arctic circle the town of Verhoyansk is surrounded by wildfires , and the mercury hit a record 38 centigrade yesterday .  We  have a Russian relative living there,  Cousin  Rackinoff, who took an early retirement in Siberia , but is finding the weather too hot lately  .   He did take a brief holiday in Spain , but they were also experiencing record heat there , and cousin Rackinoff is more of your  " a few vodkas indoors by a roaring fire " type . 

Nothing would please him more than watching his favourite weather boy dancing about in front of pictures of snow .  The permafrost at Verkhoyansk  has been melting faster than a dollop of butter on a hot BBQ plate , and his driveway has collapsed .  Also the four lane highway out of town , the railway lines , the power cables and the gas pipeline . If you could throw in a few predictions about the coming ice age and how the permafrost will freeze again it would really cheer him up. 

Thanks for that Rowan , although we never see him , we do sometimes fear that Uncle Rackinoff  gets depressed about the weather and hits the Smirnoff too hard .

Your comrade , Ken .

Reference :- Bellicose Sky News anchor Chris Kenny isn't talking about the California fires .

Reference:-   After laughing at those who consider that the fire seasons  in California are getting worse , Chris Kenny has avoided the subject . 

A young chap like you , Chris , is often tempted to draw conclusions too quickly .  In this instance you certainly did start your run too early with regard to the fires in California .   Obviously it was fun to humiliate those who consider the fires to be " unprecedented , but your trademark sneering criticism was a tad premature .   The current " August Complex " fire is now the largest since records began , in 1932 .   And by quite a margin . That fact makes it very difficult for you to report on the fires again  without looking like a total dolt .  And the fires are such a crowd pleaser , what with the thousands of razed buildings and the millions of acres reduced to ash , and the smoke blanketing the hemisphere . 

Anyway Chris , there is a lesson in this to be sure . Never count your eggs before they have hatched . Although Monte told me that regardless of the fact that they don't always hatch , it is easier to count eggs than it is to count young chickens chaotically running about the coop.   That may be the case , but to me it only reveals a willingness to tolerate inaccuracy out of sheer laziness . 

One last thing , Chris .   Did you see the last Sky Reply ?   I reckon you may have used our new  " Do It Yourself Sky News Kit " to inspire your latest attack on the ABC for wasting taxpayers money .  

 It warms our hearts to think that we have made a contribution to your sophisticated style . 

Your comrade , Ken .  

Reference :- While the Sky News anchors attempt to regroup and find something interesting to say , what can we do ?

Reference:-  Sky News is actually becoming boring  these days .  What to do ?  

The lads at The Sky Reply have worked hard on a project to help Sky News viewers in this difficult time . And it is a very difficult  time . Even the viewers' comments have degenerated into illiterate diatribes that usually miss the point of the presentation .  But help is on the way,  as we offer , gratis , our   " Do it Yourself Sky News Kit " .  

With our handy kit , you can make your own headlines . And you get to design them to suit your particular ideological leaning or cruel prejudice .  With practice you will find that it only takes a few minutes to develop a feeling of self righteous indignation and an inflated sense of political acumen.    So lets get started!

Each numbered banner headline below has blank spaces that can be filled from one of the lists ( A to N  )   at the bottom of the page  .  The letter  in the brackets indicates which list can be used to fill the blank .  Have fun ! 

1    MOST PEOPLE DON'T SUPPORT (A).

2.  (B) IS A COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT 

3.  YOUR TAXPAYER'S MONEY IS BEING WASTED ON  (C)

4.  (D)  IS PLANNING FOR WAR ON (E) 

5.  (F or B )  IS AN AFFRONT TO (G) 

6.  PEOPLE ARE SMART ENOUGH TO SEE THE LIES OF  ( H or A or B or C or D  ) 

7.  WE NEED ( I) IN ORDER TO DEFEAT (A or B, or C or D  or E or  F or J ) 

8.  (K ) IS A TOTAL DISGRACE

9.  THE COUNTRY CAN'T AFFORD   (L ) 

10. (M) SHOULD (N) 

  A.    DAN ANDREWS , THE GREENS , LABOR , BLACK LIVES MATTER , LOCKDOWN , CLIMATE ACTION 

  B.     DAN ANDREWS , JOE BIDEN , CHRIS KENNY , JACINTA ADHERN , THE GOVERNMENT 

  C.    WELFARE  BLUDGERS , ROYAL COMMISSIONS  , BUREAUCRATS ,  THE ABC

  D .  ANDY BOLT ,  IRAN , SCOMO,  CHINA , TRUMP,  THE LEFT ,  FRANKENJONESIE

  E.   CHINA , THE WORLD,  DEMOCRACY , COMMON SENSE , FAKE NEWS  , THE LEFT . 

  F.  BLACK LIVES MATTER ,  THE ABC ,  RENEWABLE ENERGY , CLIMATE ACTIVISM . 

  G.  DEMOCRACY , COMMON SENSE ,  THE SCIENCE , PROFESSIONAL JOURNALISM 

  H.  THE POLLS , SCIENTISTS , POLITICIANS , PUTIN , THE DEMOCRATS . BRUCE PASCOE

  I.   COURAGE , DONALD TRUMP , WEAPONS, MORE POLICE , ROWAN DEAN  , THE FACTS

  J.   THE ALARMISTS , THE MARXISTS , CHINA , IRAN , THE VIRUS  , PETA CREDLIN  

  K.   PAUL MURRAY , SOCIETY , POLITICS , OR CHOOSE FROM ALL OF THE ABOVE 

  L.  WELFARE , REGULATIONS , CLIMATE ACTION  OR CHOOSE FROM ALL OF THE ABOVE

 M.  DAN ANDREWS  , JACINTA ADHERN , JOE BIDEN ,  BRUCE PASCOE , PUTIN , CHINA 

 N.   BE EXPOSED , BE SACKED , BE ARRESTED , GET A SOCK STUFFED IN THEIR THROAT , 

 If you found this fun , keep an eye peeled for the forthcoming  "SKY NEWS BOARD GAME "  ! 

 A game for up to five players , who interview each other to reinforce their own cruel neoliberal agenda . 

 Your comrade , Ken

 

Reference :- The Sky News Anchors need cheering up .

Reference :-    Things are a bit drab at Sky News of late  . So let's be silly .

Gosh boys and girls of Sky News , try to buck up a bit .   Why so glum ?   I guess Frankenjonesie did crack a smile when he ran that story about an Australian  cheese maker .  That was better than nothing , and it was refreshing to see something cultured on Sky News , but otherwise it has been pretty gloomy in the Sky News studios  recently . 

Ken junior reckons it's because all the comrades at Sky News have been bleating about the popularity of Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews  .  He says it must be disheartening to run dozens of news segments that attempt to insult , humiliate , and discredit Mr Andrews  , only to find that his electorate still strongly supports him . 

 We all know that the role of Sky News is not to inform the public , but to steer public opinion .  Merely  reporting the news doesn't cut it for the Sky anchors , who bravely use their public platform to attempt  ..... well,  to overthrow governments , for example . That elevates you to the status of " news makers " instead of "news reporters".

But sadly , your efforts in Victoria have been embarrassingly impotent .  And there is no point in shouting "Stockholm Syndrome " or questioning the polls .   All that does is give ammunition to the crazy left , who can use the same twisted logic to attack the likes of President Trump .     You should simply accept  your crushing defeat in this instance , and move on .

Frankenjonesie had the right idea with his story about the cheese maker , bless him .  But to be fair , he probably milked that story dry , so you will need to source other newsworthy dairy products. 

And try not to be sour .  As the saying goes , " cream always floats to the top "   .  Your comrade , Ken . 

 

 

 

Reference :- An unflinching Andy Bolt proved his manliness by pricking his own finger for a bloodtest during his broadcast .

 Reference :-     Andy Bolt tested his own blood on camera , causing confusion at The Sky Reply.

That was a great idea Andy . We were starting to feel a tad remorseful for questioning your manliness in a previous post , and what better way to prove your bona fides as a genuine Gregory Peck style manly gentleman than by spilling a droplet of your own haemoglobin in front of your audience .   It was a shame you had so much difficulty squeezing a few corpuscles from your pricked finger .   Gabbo reckons next time you should borrow that knife from Crocodile Dundee and try a wrist artery instead of a finger tip .  (   Just joking Andy , Gabbo is quite a wag at times . )

Anyway , speaking of jokes ,  we tuned in to your show a bit late , just in time to see you pricking your digit for the test , but didn't know what you were testing for .  Ken junior suggested it was a blood alcohol test , and Monte agreed , and thought that you might follow up with the results of a liver function test next week , to pad out one of your trademark meaningless rants  .  But Gabbo reckoned you wouldn't be crazy enough to risk it .   Gabbo did suggest that it might be a DNA test , to assert the Aryan credentials of your double helices. 

That was a troubling thought to me Andy . It behoves a chap to keep  the lid closed on the Pandora's Box of his genome , lest any embellishment of his credentials is revealed . What if it turned out you were a direct descendant of Karl Marx ?    Or worse still, there may be some unexpected "colourful " base sequences hidden in your chromosomes .   Are you with me ?   

Well thankfully it was only a new test to check for coronavirus .  But Andy , it's probably best to not follow up with any more such public tests . Before you know it people could be suggesting you take an I.Q. test and as you know , nobody ever does well on those ridiculous things . 

Your comrade , Ken .

Reference :- Fading Sky Anchor Andy Bolt was a little inarticulate again last night .

Reference :-  Young Andy was a bit " tired and emotional "  last night ....what's troubling him ?

Say Andy , are you worried about something ? You seem troubled lately  . Your recent presentations are not up to scratch , and novice shock jock , young Paul Murray , has thousands more viewers than you .   I know that kind of thing can make a chap hit the turps , but herewith  are some words of encouragement .   If , drunk and discredited , you were banished from Sky News , and left to rot in your own vitriol , where would that leave The Sky Reply ? So once again we offer a few words of support and comfort . 

For starters , you don't need to worry about Peta Credlin .  She hasn't had anything interesting to say in weeks , and her audience is in sharper decline than your own .  Young Chris Kenny is wasting air time and Sky News'  funds in a childish war against the ABC   .   And he is losing his edge somewhat . Yesterday it took him over sixty seconds to first use the expression  " funded by your taxes " while berating the ABC and journalist Paul Barry .   He then made a fool of himself by suggesting that Paul's left leaning political ideology was an affront to professional journalism , which rather threw the spotlight on his own leaning to the right .  Tsk tsk.   

That's two comrades you don't need to fear .   Moving along to the others , Frankenjonesie  is no threat . He is losing viewers  because of his use of violent metaphors , and often  takes refuge in the sports news these days .

However , Andy ,  young Paul Murray is your real threat . His bogan appeal is not to be underestimated . A man like yourself ,who has flirted , however briefly, with tertiary education ,  is prone to underestimating the prevalence of stupidity among the ranks of the great unwashed .    Many such folk are angry because they lead very hard lives , and the elite are eager to have that anger directed away from them .  You know Andy ,  towards immigrants , lefties , scientists , activists , bureaucrats and so on . 

You must make use of Paul's  techniques more often .  Monte  reckons you should run a picture of a Monaro on the wall behind you . He also says you should be brave and have a bottle of whiskey and a glass on your desk  . This would illustrate that you are your own man , with nothing to hide . 

And speaking of being manly , try to cut back on the sneering laughter at sobbing 82 year old women  ( Jane Fonda ) and tearful teenage girls  ( Greta Thunberg ).  It's not very manly Andy , can you see that ? 

I guess that's all for now , but more advice will follow  . Don't forget about the whiskey bottle .  We have a bet running here regarding the brand you favour .   Gabbo told me he reckons you would drink Johnnie Walker Black Label . 

"  Andy Bolt drinking Black Label !"  ,  I laughed ,  " Are  you kidding ?   No way !  It's  blended and young Andy looks like a single malt man to me ."

The dozens of whiskeys blended into Black Label make for  quite a "multicultural "  flavour , which I am sure isn't your style Andy .

Keep your chin up .   Your comrade , Ken .

 

Reference :- The weather reports by Sky News anchor Rowan Dean still ignore the California heatwaves and wildfires .

Reference :-    Rowan Dean always manages to find evidence for his anticipated new ice age . 

Dear Skeptical Age Watching Outside Ice Weather Boy , 

                                                                                           What with all the fires and smoke on the news lately , we sure needed somebody to find a bit of snow somewhere .  And you are just the Weather Boy for that Rowan .  Ken junior ran your presentation for us a couple of times , because it was hard for us to hear the names of the sources you rely upon for your astute analyses . 

Don't whisper them Rowan , be proud , and shout them loudly to the world .  Viewers are weary of the grim predictions by qualified scientists , and couldn't care less if you reference paid shills , commercial interests , and assorted nutjobs . 

Ken junior researched your first reference , NOAA   ( at first I thought it was a biblical reference ) .  He found that , refreshingly , it is administered by the US  Dept of Commerce , well known for the prevalence of climate change deniers in it's senior ranks .  Obviously that helps NOAA  maintain a balanced perspective , free of alarmism . 

 Gabbo checked out your other peer reviewed source ,  " Electroverse ".    That sounded like a space invaders game to me , but Gabbo showed me the website , and it is run by a chap weirdly called  Cap Allon  ( you briefly whispered his name too ).   Rowan , do you think that really is his name ?   He is a Pommie , so perhaps his parents were paying tribute to the comic character  " Andy Capp " ?  Do you reckon it fits?

Mr Allon seems to be a shy type , since his website is devoid of information regarding his own credentials .    Monte did some web  research too , and discovered that he appears to be an aspiring screenwriter .    And a horny one at that .  But I don't think that could be the case Rowan . His ability to cherry pick statistical data suggests qualifications in a STEM subject , rather than storytelling . 

If you could direct us to the real Mr Cap Allon , we would be most grateful . 

Also Rowan , a precis of one of his less complicated PhD theses would calm the lads , who are suggesting he might be an aspiring pawnbroker .  

 You can forward the documents to Bernice , the Postmistress at the Kooralya  GPO , who will pass them on . 

Your comrade , Ken 

 

Reference :- Reanimated Sky News anchor , Frankenjonesie , asked the question " Who runs the country ? "

 Reference :-   Could it be that our democratically elected politicians don't actually run the country ?

You have raised an important question Jonesie .   Here at The Sky Reply we often wonder who holds the reins of power in our changing nation .  Do invisible dark forces lurk in the background  ?   You say that unelected bureaucrats are taking control , which is indeed worrying .   

These unelected bureaucrats , we are told , are intent on destroying Australia .  Young Andy Bolt and Rowan Dean ( the frustrated kid's show host ) remind us of that regularly .  Andy likes to refer to the " Destroy Australia Movement " .  It's not the cleverest sobriquet , and difficult to pronounce after a few whiskeys,  but we get the gist.

 The lads here often ask me why somebody would want to wreck their own country . Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews is accused of that every hour or two of late ,  but I can't come up with a single reason why he would deliberately trash his own nation .   You will have to help me with that Jonesie , perhaps  as you warn us , it has something to do with " communists  knocking at our doors"

 Folk are running scared these days . They even talk of having unsettling "Covid Dreams ".   I am a bit jumpy myself Jonesie . The other night I told the lads to shut up so I could listen to a gentle knocking at the front door .   My first thought was that it might be a communist , so I told Ken junior to go check it out while I looked for the trusty Lee- Enfield and loaded a cartridge .  It turned out to be Dog scratching a flea on the verandah . 

There is nothing like a surge of adrenaline on a full tummy to bugger a chap's REM sleep .   That night I dreamt that an unelected witch was running the country by spoon feeding the Prime Minister and manipulating the public service to her own ends .  She steered the entire government  down the "Road to Ruin " , until the Prime Minister was sacked  , but then suddenly reappeared as an evil propaganda mongering news anchor ,  intent on subjugating the populace with her cruel neoliberal agendum . 

You wouldn't read about it , would you  Jonesie ?   Except perhaps,  in a book by Niki Savva .  

It sure was a relief to wake up . 

 Your comrade ,  Ken .

Reference :- Sky News is ignoring the California wildfires .

 Reference :-  Apart from a lukewarm effort by bellicose presenter Chris Kenny , Sky News has had little to say about California's heatwaves and fires .  

 Dear  award winning journalists with unique and exclusive insights , 

 Ignoring the California fires has further diminished your audience on YouTube .  There is nothing like a blazing inferno to capture the attention of viewers , and you are missing a great opportunity .  The lads at The Sky Reply  have compiled the following list of useful strategies you could employ . They will allow you to recapture your lost audience without surrendering ground to the climate change fraternity . 

1.   When mention in made of " record temperatures "   find a place where it was hotter last year and use this to discredit the notion that the heatwave is unprecedented .   The beauty of this strategy is that you only need one place to be cooler than it was last year , and you can distract attention from dozens of places that are hotter . In the banking  sector this is known as " leverage " , and has proven itself to be a flawless instrument among the many tools of high finance . 

2.   Review a grim forecast  for this year's fire season from months ago , which overestimated the current extent of the fires .  Then point out that the fires are not as bad as the leftie doomsayers predicted . 

3.  Find a group who might  benefit from the disaster , and accuse them of fearmongering .  Jonesie did that rather well when he said that the health care industry is making a fortune out of unnecessary Covid testing . 

4.  For an expert opinion , consult a self appointed conservative think tank with an impressive sounding moniker featuring the word " institute ". 

5.  Search the archives for a mistaken comment by a respected scientist who accidentally spoke out of context , and later tried to correct it .  And force  them to own it . 

6. You could mention that attributing the fires to 20,000 lightning strikes is ridiculous .  Fires are started by disgruntled lefties , and California is famous for having millions of such idiots . 

 Don't forget to use assumptive metaphors and loaded language .  ( e.g "crazy greenies intent on destroying democracy"  rather than  "ecologists" )

Futhermore , when snookered by unhelpful facts , the usefulness of rude personal remarks and bald -faced lies should not be underrated .

 We hope this has restored your confidence , and look forward to some spectacular wildfire coverage in the near future .   Try to run a story soon , towering flames are far more exciting than ashes . 

Your comrade , Ken .

Reference :- The Sky Reply offered some advice to British trade envoy and loyal Australian , Tony Abbott.

Reference .   British trade envoy , Tony  Abbott ,  launched himself into his new role by offering advice to the  pommies regarding  their border protection . 

That's the way Tony , don't start talking about trade straight away , you can move on to that later .  It is probably wise to focus on something other than trade initially , since somebody might bring up the fact that you cost the Australian economy  6 billion quid in lost tariffs and forced the closure of one or two major manufacturing industries . 

The numbers cruncher here at the Sky Reply , young Monte , has done the hard work for you regarding the  suggestion that the pommies follow your example with border protection . 

Here down under , the cost of paying for offshore detention centers has run to about 573,000 aussie quid per detainee per year .   Not bad considering you paid about 50 million to find four lucky refugees safe haven in Cambodia .   Monte reckons that since the pommes have about a million illegal residents , following your advice would cost the British economy  around 300,000,000,000  British pounds per year .  That seems like a lot at first glance , but almost half the money could be recouped simply by cancelling the entire NHS .  Obviously that's only a start , but most of the the remainder could be found by cancelling all the old age pensions .    I reckon the average voter in Old Blighty would see the value in your approach .   

If there is still some reluctance to follow your advice , you could remind the pommies that you are uniquely placed to reap huge profits for them in their trade deals with the suckers back home Australia .   

Rule Britannia Tony !       Your comrade , Ken

 

 

Reference :- Former Prime Minister , and national treasure , Tony Abbott has overcome the critics to keep his new appointment in the U.K .

Reference :-   Despite their conflicting ideologies , British P.M. Boris Johnson has supported Tony in his new role as trade envoy .

Thank heavens that is all sorted out , Tony .    We were sure Boris would support you , out of respect for your loyalty .  I see you have already had chats with radio host and future contender for the flat at Number 10 , Nigel Farage , which is smart thinking .

Your experience with shock jocks in Australia , like Andy Bolt and Alan Jones , has given you great insights regarding the importance of having the media on side .   Your former Chief of Staff , Peta Credlin also realizes this .  Cleverly she is continuing to run the country via her new role as a "shock jock "for Sky News . 

 As you know , she has plucked  the baton from Jonesie  , whose tragic return reminds me of the last films of Bela Lugosi , who stayed in Hollywood way past his prime .  Ken junior reckons you can't really call Peta a "shock jock " , since she is probably female . He suggests the moniker " shock frock "  , which  would work for that other femme fatale  at Sky News , Rita Panahi . You can pass that on if you like , Tony . It will add to your already impressive list of great ideas. 

I hear you don't get paid for being a trade envoy .  I guess in some respects it is the " women's work " of international diplomacy .   But remember to keep an eye out for the many gems of "insider " information that can usefully bolster a chap's share portfolio and offset any new overheads . 

Good luck with it all. 

Your comrade , Ken .

Reference :- Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott might not be appointed to his new job as trade envoy for the U.K.

Reference :-   Mr Abbott's suitability for the position of trade envoy has been questioned by .... almost everybody .  

Mr Abbott , sir , why would anybody in Old Blighty object to a patriot such as yourself scoring a cushy job in the public service ?   To quote your own words , nobody is a " suppository of all wisdom " and though that certainly applies to you , surely your credentials far outweigh any shortcomings . After all , you even offered a Knighthood to Prince Phillip , so you should at least expect some gratitude for that .   

But good on you for giving it a go . A chap like you  can hardly make ends meet on that token 300,000 quid per year the aussie taxpayers are mailing you , so you can't retire yet .    The weather in Old Blighty isn't the best , I hear , so I guess the budgie smugglers that always lent that air of dignity to your office have stayed in the drawer back home .  

Which reminds me , perhaps you should have taken Peta Credlin with you ?  Peta's career at Sky News isn't going too well , and she is reduced to interviewing the other Sky News anchors most of the time . 

She would get more viewers if she turned up drunk and just swore at everybody while she crocheted a doily .   Why not ask her to join you in the heart of the Empire ?  The special luggage she had inscribed with both of your initials will come in handy , and she can sort out those difficult pommes for you , just like she cleaned up the staff in Canberra . 

It will be a big move for sure , and to use your words , it is " a lifestyle choice " , but I reckon Peta will bloom in London .  And with the retirement of Barry Humphries , there is a hole to be filled which once belonged to Dame Edna Everage .  I wonder,  is Germaine Greer still living in Essex ?  If so you could get her to keep Peta company while she settles in .  Imagine the laughs they could have while discussing the views on human sexuality you evolved prior to appointing yourself Minister for Women . 

There are good times to had ,  Tony ,  if your play your cards right , and nobody needs to spoon feed you about that , not even Peta .   It seems like only yesterday that we lost Clive James , but at least we now have the opportunity to watch another Australian icon impress the Pommes with his wit and intelligence .  

 Your comrade , Ken .    

 P.S.      Don't forget to sign on to the Foreign Influence Transparency Scheme.  The Attorney General might cancel your gratuity , especially if you screw Australian farmers in trade deals  that benefit the Perfidious Albion of your birth .

 

 

Reference:- Andy Bolt and Rowan Dean were outraged by a video revealing " police brutality " .

Reference :-  Oh , and Alan Jones was also outraged . 

Yes indeed chaps , it is one's duty to call out police brutality.   Rowan , I see you had a haircut for the occasion .  What a good idea , there is nothing like a fresh haircut to distinguish one from the lunatic fringe . 

Gabbo directed me to your recent broadcasts , in which you chaps were finally calling out police brutality .  I have noticed that  you don't get outraged when a black man is shot in the back seven times in front of his three kids , or an Aborigine is killed in his own bedroom ,  or somebody of color dies coincidentally while a policeman is kneeling on his neck .  We can always rely on you to stay calm , and express gratitude to the police who have a hard job to do , and deserve our support .  

So when Gabbo told me you were  totally outraged and demanding that heads roll , I figured that maybe somebody had been shot twenty times in the back in front of his six children while the cops filmed themselves laughing .... something like that . 

But no , this time it was a white woman being rather politely arrested for breaking the law, which she admitted she had done .   And although the policeman informed her of her rights , and didn't even shoot her or kneel on her neck , it was still a shocking thing to watch , because she is one of  "us " for heaven's sake ! 

 The anger expressed by your viewers is extreme , with calls for all manner of severe retribution .  It's just as well they didn't shoot her , or there would already be violent protests in our streets .  

 Who knows what might happen next ?   As you chaps like to point out , we need our police to maintain law and order , and they do have a hard job to do .  We all know that if black folk or lefties don't like a law they still have to obey it and try to get it changed at the ballot box .  But if a white mum in the burbs doesn't want to obey the law , she should be respected and listened to , for how else will stupid laws  get repealed ?  

Anyway , Gabbo has made a suggestion .  Since you value the importance of law and order  ( well , maybe not in Hong Kong  , where the protests are justifiable )  we think it is important for Sky News to diffuse the situation before it gets out of hand .   Gabbo reckons if you photoshop the video so that the felon  is black , everybody will calm down .    White folk will feel relieved that the cops are doing a wonderful job keeping the colored folk under control , and black folk will hardly notice the video  since nobody was shot or choked , which is what they are used to coping with .     

What do you think chaps ?   It is cheating , we know , but Sky News has always done it's best to douse the flames of civil unrest , and on this occasion a little dab of boot polish , so to speak ,  might save the community a lot of bother . 

Gabbo will keep an eye on this story for you .  He reckons the real risk over the next day or two is what he calls a " death in custody " .   I don't know what he means by that , surely if you are in police custody you must be safer than money in a bank ? 

 Your comrade , Ken

 

 

Reference :- Recently returned media icon , Frankenjonesie , interviewed former Minister for Employment and Workplace relations , Mr Joe Hockey .

Reference :-   Mr Hockey spoke to Sky News from his new home in the USA. 

Thanks for interviewing  Mr Hockey , Jonesie .  It is nice to see that he is doing so well in the thriving  heartland of capitalism .  The USA is booming  at present , and although some might see Mr Hockey's new business career in a foreign country as disloyal , I reckon he did the right thing abandoning us so we could learn to stand on our own two feet . Soon we too will enjoy the prosperity that middle America has achieved .

Anyway Jonesie , have you seen the motto of Joe's  new company ?  

 "  Providing high quality real time intelligence and business solutions . " 

 It has a no-nonsense freshness about it to be sure .  Mind you , Stanley , our local plumber runs a sign on his ute  saying  " Providing high quality timely plumbing solutions "  .   There is no need to mention it to Joe though , since Stanley is not the type to sue for copyright infringement . 

Young Joe Hockey always had a talent for finding simple solutions  .  You must remember when he explained that all you had to do to afford a house in Sydney was " get a better paid job " .  Even more impressive was his explanation that fuel taxes don't effect poor people because they can't afford cars . 

 That is the kind of " high quality real time intelligence "  we need in these difficult times , so our thanks go to Sky News for recruiting  Mr Hockey as a regular commentator . 

 Oh , one last thing Jonesie . Perhaps Mr Hockey should pencil his name on to the list of folk registered with the Foreign Influence Transparency Scheme .    Our late great Prime Minister , Tony Abbott , wants to work for the British Government to secure them the best trade deals with Australian farmers , so maybe the two of them could sign up together .  It might give them a chance to catch up for a cuppa . And they could reminisce about the good old days in Canberra  , when they could laugh at lumps of coal , disability  pensioners , and sinking Pacific Islands .  

Sadly , our leaders don't seem to have a sense of humour these days . 

Your comrade , Ken