Reference :- Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott might not be appointed to his new job as trade envoy for the U.K.

Reference :-   Mr Abbott's suitability for the position of trade envoy has been questioned by .... almost everybody .  

Mr Abbott , sir , why would anybody in Old Blighty object to a patriot such as yourself scoring a cushy job in the public service ?   To quote your own words , nobody is a " suppository of all wisdom " and though that certainly applies to you , surely your credentials far outweigh any shortcomings . After all , you even offered a Knighthood to Prince Phillip , so you should at least expect some gratitude for that .   

But good on you for giving it a go . A chap like you  can hardly make ends meet on that token 300,000 quid per year the aussie taxpayers are mailing you , so you can't retire yet .    The weather in Old Blighty isn't the best , I hear , so I guess the budgie smugglers that always lent that air of dignity to your office have stayed in the drawer back home .  

Which reminds me , perhaps you should have taken Peta Credlin with you ?  Peta's career at Sky News isn't going too well , and she is reduced to interviewing the other Sky News anchors most of the time . 

She would get more viewers if she turned up drunk and just swore at everybody while she crocheted a doily .   Why not ask her to join you in the heart of the Empire ?  The special luggage she had inscribed with both of your initials will come in handy , and she can sort out those difficult pommes for you , just like she cleaned up the staff in Canberra . 

It will be a big move for sure , and to use your words , it is " a lifestyle choice " , but I reckon Peta will bloom in London .  And with the retirement of Barry Humphries , there is a hole to be filled which once belonged to Dame Edna Everage .  I wonder,  is Germaine Greer still living in Essex ?  If so you could get her to keep Peta company while she settles in .  Imagine the laughs they could have while discussing the views on human sexuality you evolved prior to appointing yourself Minister for Women . 

There are good times to had ,  Tony ,  if your play your cards right , and nobody needs to spoon feed you about that , not even Peta .   It seems like only yesterday that we lost Clive James , but at least we now have the opportunity to watch another Australian icon impress the Pommes with his wit and intelligence .  

 Your comrade , Ken .    

 P.S.      Don't forget to sign on to the Foreign Influence Transparency Scheme.  The Attorney General might cancel your gratuity , especially if you screw Australian farmers in trade deals  that benefit the Perfidious Albion of your birth .