Reference :- Rio Tinto just destroyed a 46,000 year old aboriginal site .

Reference :-    It seems the lads at Rio Tinto were not breaking the law when they destroyed one of the oldest known sites of human habitation  in the world .  We obviously have some very crappy laws.

Well, as you might imagine , out contributing editor here at The Sky Reply , Gabbo ( the aborigine )
had a lot to say about a significant part of his ( and all humanity's ) heritage being blown to kingdom come merely to add a few pennies to some dividend cheques .   He wants to know why we shriek with horror when the Taliban blow up a monument in the Levant that harks back a trifling couple of millennia , and then obliterate a site in our own country  twenty times older without a second thought.

It has been hard to console him.  The best I could do was explain that in our culture we don't cling to useless vestiges of the past that can't turn a respectable profit , and we can't understand his grief .     He replied by asking us how we would feel if somebody dynamited the Sydney Harbour Bridge .    Now there is a very interesting question . I guess it depends on the market reaction .

Monte ( the motorcyclist ) reckons that it would depend on why it was razed .  If it was blown to smithereens by a terrorist intent on obliterating our way of life , we would be outraged .  On the other hand , if we needed to trash it to access a plentiful deposit of rare earths to make i-pads  , that would be different . Some people may object , but economic pragmatism would prevail .  Seats to view the explosion would be sold . And little Harbour Bridge souvenirs would fill the shops .   Everybody would be a winner . 

Monte's view seems a bit radical to me , but Ken junior did make an interesting point .   He reminded us that back in the seventies , developers wanted to make few quid by bulldozing the Sydney Rocks and knocking up some concrete and aluminium buildings showcasing designs that , by comparison , made the Bauhaus style of architecture look richly ornate.   Were it not for the  tremendous efforts of Jack Mundy , then leader of the NSW Builders Labourers Federation , the Sydney Rocks would now look like  KGB headquarters in Vladivostok .

Anyway , explaining that capitalists are quite happy to annihilate their own heritage , as well as anybody else's , if there is a quid to be had , didn't seem to console Gabbo at all.

And it didn't console the rest of either .    Maybe we will lighten up if a whiskey soaked  Andy Bolt laughs about it on Sky News , and calls the ancient site a worthless pile of rocks .  Worthless except for about 80 bucks worth of iron ore , that is .  

  Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- The Carnival corporation has suffered from bad publicity .

Reference :-  Alcohol swabs won't wipe Carnival's hands clean of the Ruby Princess coronavirus tragedy .  What can they do ?

It is doubtless a tough time for the Carnival company and Princess Cruises .  What will become of the Ruby Princess ?   Though not much longer than the Titanic ,  it is twice the weight and cost twice as much to construct .  Monte  ( the motorcyclist ) reckons that is because of the number of poker machines , which are heavy devices . He says that is why the svelt lines of the great ocean liners have vanished.  Well, whatever the reason you can't deny that modern passenger ships do look like floating public housing projects .  And they are apparently just as bad for your health.

Dabbo  ( the aborigine ) wanted to know how the disease got all the way to Italy so quickly .  I told him it's not surprising , since the ship was built in Italy , and has an Italian captain .   Although it is registered in Bermuda , the world's worst tax haven .  Naturally you can't expect Princess cruises to cart all that poker machine money back to Italy to complicate things for the taxation authorities .    Likewise , various  Italian workplace standards,  pay rates , and the suchlike would only confuse the foreigners cleaning out cabins and washing  dishes .  Registering the Ruby Princess in Bermuda streamlines certain matters very nicely . 

 Anyway ,  after investing 400 million yankee dollars on a floating gin palace one expects a reasonable return .  And the Ruby Princess is not yet a decade old , so she has plenty of fun cruises left in her yet .  But marketing them to a wary public will be challenging , what with many folk demanding that she be  scuttled , and unceremoniously sent down to Davey Jone's locker .

Here at the Sky Reply , we have been working on a marketing strategy for Princess Cruises .   My son , Ken junior , has come up with a few good ideas which he has outlined below .

1 .     Don't let any oldies on the next cruise .   Old folk can drop off their perch unexpectedly at any time , and a single death if an octogenerian falls off his stool after too many Pina Coladas , could raise fears of contagion .
2.     Make masks and gloves a fun thing .   Run Venetian style masked balls . With cruise ships about to be banned from the lagoon in Venice because they are trashing the place , it might be the closest to experiencing the real thing anybody can get . You could also run a " doctors and nurses " party . The possibilities are endless.
3.      Offer free medical cover .  It didn't look good charging people 450 quid to visit the ship's doctor when they came down with the sniffles shortly before expiring .
4.    On the marketing brochure highlight  FREE ALCOHOL .    In the fine print you can reveal that it means free hand sanitizer , but nobody will notice until they have come aboard .
5.    Take a lesson from the Fukushima nuclear disaster .  A restaurant in Takaido , Tokyo , actually advertised that 80% of the food it served came from farms in the Fukushima prefecture .  Their customer profile changed , as folk thrilled at the thought of consuming radioactive vittles booked tables in droves . Rather like chowing down on Fugu , I imagine .   You could  give out free T shirts saying "I survived coronavirus"  , and rename the Ruby Princess the " Corona Queen "   .

As somebody once said . Every disaster is an opportunity , and this must be one of the biggest opportunities we have seen in a long time .

 Gabbo ( the aborigine )  has made a peculiar  observation . He says the sinking of the Titanic , smugly called " unsinkable " at the time , marked the beginning of the decline of the British Empire .  He says the impact of coronavirus on cruise ships , and then the world at large , will one day be seen as marking the end of neoliberalism and free market capitalism . 

  
I have no idea what he is talking about . 

 Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Sober news anchor Andrew Bolt outlined his approach to social isolation .

Reference :-    Andrew Bolt reckons the coronavirus lockdown should end immediately and was a mistake in the first place .


 I guess you are getting sick of sitting at home with your whisky bottle Andy  . And it shows .  You are flapping your hands about in exasperation more than usual . Be careful you don't take off.

  That is an interesting strategy you are promoting .  You say it's best to let the brave do what they like , while the cowards obey the rules like the sheep they are .   But my son , Ken junior , reckons pandemics don't work like that . He reckons that in no time at all those you call the brave will spread the virus to those you call the cowards . 

Ken junior  has told me that when his pigeons come down with a disease he must isolate his best birds completely or they end up carking it .  But we aren't birds are we Andy ?  ( Though we sometimes flap a bit.  )   Obviously that protocol doesn't  apply to us .  And most importantly , pigeons don't have investments and share portfolios going down the gurgler , raising the risk of suicide and alcoholism .


Have you been watching the spread of the virus in Georgia as I suggested  in a previous post ?   The governor's office just released a graph that shows a steep decline in cases since lockdown was eased . Brian ( the governor ) is probably eager to reopen his businesses before they fold , and no doubt wants to refocus on quelling accusations of voter suppression in the last election .   It's a pretty impressive graph , showing a huge decline in cases since he ended the lockdown .

But Ken junior reckons it's the weirdest graph he has seen , with no units on the Y axis , and an X axis not in chronological order .   Even the bars representing each county have had their order jumbled to give a false impression of a strong decline in cases . Your "Outsiders Weather Report"  offsider  Rowan Dean should check it out , he has a particular interest in the manipulation  of graphs and data.

Also , did you notice that yesterday saw the largest increase in new infections worldwide since the pandemic began ?   And  Brazil is having a rough time of it since Mr Bolsonaro told everybody to get back to work and stop worrying  .  You had better run a segment explaining why those statistics  are nothing for us to worry about because it can't happen here .   

By the way , there is no need to thank me for  helping you out from time to time .  It's a pleasure and fills the time during lockdown .

Have a whisky for me .       Your comrade , Ken             

Reference:- Peta Credlin interviewed hard working Energy Minister and spokesperson for ordinary folk, Angus Taylor .

Reference :-    The reasons for the high cost of electricity in Australia are exposed , I mean concealed ,  during Peta Credlin's gripping interview with Angus Taylor .


 Good on you Peta , for giving young Angus a go on the television .   It must have been a nice change for him to be interviewed by a fellow idealogue  .  He looked tired , probably from all those interviews with the police, and accusations of lying , errrr.... obfuscating ,  about phoney documents .
Thankfully he is as rich as Midas , and can let his lawyers do most of the work , but you can see it troubles him .

 Anyway , blaming renewables for the high cost of our electrons is still usefully distracting the average punter from the real causes .  But not for much longer , Peta , I fear .   Since power production was largely privatised , the cost to the consumer has been ballooning out of control .    A quarter of the average power bill now ends up in the pockets of shareholders .  . And the average family is subsidising big business by paying twice as much as companies do for the same product .  But then again , ordinary consumers at least get to watch all the flash advertising as power companies compete against each other on the great footy field of free market capitalism .  And they can also enjoy a few phone calls each week from the 5000 or so sales folk their marketing departments employ .  And read lots of expensive colourful dodgers in the mail with payment plans that are quaintly unintelligible  .   

I make sure I enjoy all that colourful display to the max , because it adds another 20% to my power bill , and I want to get my money's worth .    However Peta  , I fear people may be sussing out the ripoff , and where will that leave shareholders ?    It might soon be time to sell off shares .  But it was a good scam while it lasted .
Maybe once the flesh has been gnawed from it's bones , the government will buy back in and restore efficiency to the industry .   

Pass on my regards to Angus and wish him well .  I hope he sorts out the travel claims scandal soon , so he can devote more time to his other legal problems. 

Your comrade , Ken     

Reference :- Some folk appear to have stacked on a few extra pounds during lockdown .

Reference :-    Returning to the shops after lockdown , many people look to have gone up a size while isolating  .  Or were we already a nation of fatties ?   Sky anchor Paul Murray is blessed with a generous build , so we sought his opinion .

 Hello there Paul . After a brief visit to the Kooralya general store , Ken junior reckons people have plumped up quite a bit during lockdown .    Including you .   It's hard for me to tell, honestly , but I am sure you can , as usual , set us straight .   I reckon you are about the same weight . A smart man like you is obviously well aware of the mortality risks associated with morbid obesity , and would surely keep his weight within a healthy range .   Being big boned, you can carry more condition than most , and doubtless you have perused your genealogy carefully for any evidence of a genetic predisposition to sudden terminal coronary thombosis .

 But do keep an eye on your waistline Paul.  If , looking down , a chap can't sight his tackle , he is at quite a disadvantage .   Not that a chap needs to gloat over his abundance , but it behoves one to check the old joystick from time to time for signs of venereal contagion and the suchlike .

 Anyway , if you could let us know about your weight I would appreciate it .  We have a bet running here at The Sky Reply , and the lads who think you have plumped up will have to clean our rum still for the rest of the year if they are wrong .   

   Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Kindly old gentleman Alan Jones is retiring from radio.

Reference :-   Losing Alan Jones from radio has made us almost as sad as we were when we lost Michael Parkinson from television  . Not .

As you know Jonesie , we all feel the loss when a dignified and gentlemanly interviewer retires .  But you have to look after your health  . When you said you have decided to accept the advice  of experts and slow down we were quite surprised here at The Sky Reply .   You have never listened to experts before . How does it feel ?   I certainly hope this doesn't mean you will start listening to other experts.   Like climate scientists or economists.  .  As Mr Morrison  knows , one should only follow the advice of experts when one stands to benefit personally .

 At a time like this , you must be reflecting upon your legacy .  Sadly during your 35 years of ranting , you would have watched the standard of public discourse plummet , despite your best efforts to preserve the dignity of your profession  .  That must be disappointing .  I am sure you have noticed the vile power struggles as ambitious youngsters , keen to fill your role , fight among themselves .

 There is nothing wrong with ambition , but watching them argue using references to limp penises and the like does emphasize how low standards have fallen .  How could that have happened on your watch do you think ?

 It was kind of you to recently put in a word for Peta Credlin, suggesting she should be Prime Minister . She reacted with an odd combination of shyness and disdain  , rather like she did on the occasion when you cracked that hilariously subtle joke about her penchant for sausages . But you are right . We already have a climate denialist PM , and it is important that we have another to follow him .  So have a word with her when you can , and remind her not to tell any more porkies about Adani .  If she lands the top job , you can always bet some malcontent will find them during their research .

Lastly , it was generous of you to support that young Paul Murray fellow .  I was touched when he told you that you had made him what he is today . Though you forced a smile , you were obviously very uncomfortable with his remark .  Fortunately Paul wasn't quite bright enough to notice that , so it was all nice and chummy still.  Well done .

 Maybe you could help the young chap further by giving him some fatherly advice about the man cave that has become his new studio .  Paul has a propensity for feigning masturbation on prime time television when he mentions a leading  public figure he can't understand .  That may have been acceptable prior to his man cave days , but not now .  It could give the impression that man caves aren't only used for drinking beer and watching the footy .

 Paul reckons you made him the man he is today , so you have a clear obligation to file off any rough edges and finish the job .   Also , you could point out to him that the print of a V8 Holden Torana that sits over his right shoulder when he is on camera is very inauthentic . As a true patriot he should have a picture of the real thing as aussies made it .  Not some jazzed up caricature that was probably churned out of a Chinese souvenir factory .     Details count, as you know.

All the best for the future .
And I actually do mean that ,  Jonesie .
But thank God you are off the air .  

  Your comrade , Ken  

  

Reference :- Sky News anchor Rowan Dean is running low on inspiration

Reference :-   Though all the Sky News anchors appear to be running low on inspiration at present , Rowan Dean seems to be struggling more than the others  .


 Holy Cow Rowan , old chap .   That last weather report was pretty disgraceful.  The lads here at The Sky Reply thought they had tuned into a replay of a 1984 episode of Countdown. We know you usually steal somebody's music clip to spice up your segment when you have nothing of interest to say , which is understandable . But this time you overdid it more than somewhat .

Nonetheless the lads still got a few laughs out of watching you prance about .  Monte reckons that a normal man couldn't produce such gyrations unless he had a gerbil jammed up his derriere , but I reckon it is all pure Rowan Dean talent . 

Anyway , thanks for telling us about how cold it is in Canberra .    It's even nippy here in the deep north , and we don't like the cold .  You could feel the same , so you might like to know how we deal with the cold here at The Sky Reply .

Each time you show us how frigid it is here , with record cold and all ,  we tune in to the other hemisphere on the tele and find a place where everybody is baking to death in the record heat . 
We don't take any pleasure from seeing folk suffer , but it sure takes the edge off feeling a bit chilly .

Oh ,  wait !  Monte just pointed out that judging from your knowledge of science , you might be a flat earther, and not believe that there are hemispheres .    Obviously everybody is entitled to their own opinion and since the jury is still out on the theory that the world is globe shaped , perhaps I should rephrase .    Lets just say that in some other part of the world there is always a record heatwave on the go .  Especially since the first three months of this year have seen the hottest average global temperatures of the century.   

  Rug up well Rowan , we would hate to see you catch the flu .     

   Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Former Minister for Industry and Science , Ian Macfarlane is in the news again .

Reference :-  After yet another coal mining disaster , Ian Macfarlane from the Queensland Resources Council has been called upon to calm the situation .


Its a tough job you have Ian . I hope they pay you well.  You needed broad shoulders, when as Minister for Closing Down Industry and Science , you had to cop all that flak from workers chucked on to the dole queue .  And then you had to endure accusations of breaching ministerial standards when you decided to become a lobbyist after the Tories had finished using you .  But obviously a bloke has to make a crust , ministerial standards or not .

 Anyway , a few more coal miners have been seriously injured working for AngloAmerican at the Grosvenor mine .   AngloAmerican has had a bit of a patchy safety record in recent years . But thankfully , as you calmly point out , they haven't had as many  mining injuries and deaths as the USA.    Although that is rather like an incompetent surgeon saying he hasn't killed as many patients as Dr Mengele .

 Management at the Grosvenor mine is keen to get the miners back underground  as soon as possible .  After all, time is money , and profits will fall.  .  Last year's dividends were impressive , and it would be be a shame to see a fall in shareholder confidence .   But they are reluctant , which shows a certain lack of courage don't you think ?    Lazy workers and corrupt unions have being ruining industry in this country for years with their greed , and lack of consideration for the solid return that investors demand .

 Here's a tip.   (  I can't take full credit . Marketing maestro Scott Morrison has been making use of the strategy for ages . )
 Put a bandaid on a finger , and when you are next addressing an alarmed contingent of filthy coal miners coughing coal dust in your face say this .
 " We all know that coal mining is a dangerous industry , but we carry on because we know society depends upon us .  And sometimes there will be injuries , and deaths .   Look, ( wave your finger )  the other day I suffered a nasty paper cut while I was opening my dividend cheque .   But it's a price I am prepared to pay .  We are all in this together . "

 You are welcome to use this gratis .   Although if you could slip me a few quid from your next stupendous gratuity it would be appreciated .  I still haven't received any bushfire relief , and the rego on the Kingswood  is due soon .     

   Your comrade , Ken



 

Reference :- Respected ambassador for Australia , the Honorable Craig Kelly MP reassured us that the insurance industry is in good shape .

Reference :-   Supported by his trademark meticulous research  Craig Kelly explains that insurance companies  have not paid more claims for damage from severe weather events , which proves there has been no climate change .

Well Craig , thanks to the generosity of Andrew Bolt , you have returned to Sky News . And as they say , we are always pleased to see your , I mean you're  back .   That was unfair of Mr Morrison , sending you to the corner of the classroom with a dunce hat just because you were set up by an interviewer in Old Blighty .   They are a shifty bunch , those pommie interviewers , and they sure took advantage of your uncomplicated aussie nature .   But Craig , who among us can honestly say that they have never disgraced  their entire homeland during an international news broadcast ?   Let he who is without sin cast the first stone , I say .

 Anyway , can you flick us the references for your claim that insurance companies are not experiencing an increase in  weather related claims ?  The Macquarie University study you ( sort of ) reference  doesn't actually support your argument . In fact Macquarie University  runs several courses that cover the impact of climate change , and how we must adapt to lessen the damage . 

 My mate Trevor , after suffering a near miss in the unchanged regular bushfire season decided to take  out fire insurance for the first time , only to find that no company will take him on .  Except one mob in Sydney , but their premiums are so high it would be cheaper for him to pay to have his house rebuilt in Italian marble .

 Trev reckons his cousin up in Bundaberg has had the same trouble with flood insurance . 

  Together we have looked at reports from dozens of insurance companies around the world . Obviously they need to talk with you , because all of them are pissing their pants over the impact of climate change on their bottom lines .    I am sure they would calm down if you explained why they have nothing to worry about .

  Trevor sure would appreciate your help , especially if you can put something together prior to the next unchanged regular bushfire season .

 Welcome back .  We were all due for a good laugh .    

Your comrade , Ken