Reference :- Former Minister for Industry and Science , Ian Macfarlane is in the news again .

Reference :-  After yet another coal mining disaster , Ian Macfarlane from the Queensland Resources Council has been called upon to calm the situation .


Its a tough job you have Ian . I hope they pay you well.  You needed broad shoulders, when as Minister for Closing Down Industry and Science , you had to cop all that flak from workers chucked on to the dole queue .  And then you had to endure accusations of breaching ministerial standards when you decided to become a lobbyist after the Tories had finished using you .  But obviously a bloke has to make a crust , ministerial standards or not .

 Anyway , a few more coal miners have been seriously injured working for AngloAmerican at the Grosvenor mine .   AngloAmerican has had a bit of a patchy safety record in recent years . But thankfully , as you calmly point out , they haven't had as many  mining injuries and deaths as the USA.    Although that is rather like an incompetent surgeon saying he hasn't killed as many patients as Dr Mengele .

 Management at the Grosvenor mine is keen to get the miners back underground  as soon as possible .  After all, time is money , and profits will fall.  .  Last year's dividends were impressive , and it would be be a shame to see a fall in shareholder confidence .   But they are reluctant , which shows a certain lack of courage don't you think ?    Lazy workers and corrupt unions have being ruining industry in this country for years with their greed , and lack of consideration for the solid return that investors demand .

 Here's a tip.   (  I can't take full credit . Marketing maestro Scott Morrison has been making use of the strategy for ages . )
 Put a bandaid on a finger , and when you are next addressing an alarmed contingent of filthy coal miners coughing coal dust in your face say this .
 " We all know that coal mining is a dangerous industry , but we carry on because we know society depends upon us .  And sometimes there will be injuries , and deaths .   Look, ( wave your finger )  the other day I suffered a nasty paper cut while I was opening my dividend cheque .   But it's a price I am prepared to pay .  We are all in this together . "

 You are welcome to use this gratis .   Although if you could slip me a few quid from your next stupendous gratuity it would be appreciated .  I still haven't received any bushfire relief , and the rego on the Kingswood  is due soon .     

   Your comrade , Ken