Reference :- Kindly old gentleman Alan Jones is retiring from radio.

Reference :-   Losing Alan Jones from radio has made us almost as sad as we were when we lost Michael Parkinson from television  . Not .

As you know Jonesie , we all feel the loss when a dignified and gentlemanly interviewer retires .  But you have to look after your health  . When you said you have decided to accept the advice  of experts and slow down we were quite surprised here at The Sky Reply .   You have never listened to experts before . How does it feel ?   I certainly hope this doesn't mean you will start listening to other experts.   Like climate scientists or economists.  .  As Mr Morrison  knows , one should only follow the advice of experts when one stands to benefit personally .

 At a time like this , you must be reflecting upon your legacy .  Sadly during your 35 years of ranting , you would have watched the standard of public discourse plummet , despite your best efforts to preserve the dignity of your profession  .  That must be disappointing .  I am sure you have noticed the vile power struggles as ambitious youngsters , keen to fill your role , fight among themselves .

 There is nothing wrong with ambition , but watching them argue using references to limp penises and the like does emphasize how low standards have fallen .  How could that have happened on your watch do you think ?

 It was kind of you to recently put in a word for Peta Credlin, suggesting she should be Prime Minister . She reacted with an odd combination of shyness and disdain  , rather like she did on the occasion when you cracked that hilariously subtle joke about her penchant for sausages . But you are right . We already have a climate denialist PM , and it is important that we have another to follow him .  So have a word with her when you can , and remind her not to tell any more porkies about Adani .  If she lands the top job , you can always bet some malcontent will find them during their research .

Lastly , it was generous of you to support that young Paul Murray fellow .  I was touched when he told you that you had made him what he is today . Though you forced a smile , you were obviously very uncomfortable with his remark .  Fortunately Paul wasn't quite bright enough to notice that , so it was all nice and chummy still.  Well done .

 Maybe you could help the young chap further by giving him some fatherly advice about the man cave that has become his new studio .  Paul has a propensity for feigning masturbation on prime time television when he mentions a leading  public figure he can't understand .  That may have been acceptable prior to his man cave days , but not now .  It could give the impression that man caves aren't only used for drinking beer and watching the footy .

 Paul reckons you made him the man he is today , so you have a clear obligation to file off any rough edges and finish the job .   Also , you could point out to him that the print of a V8 Holden Torana that sits over his right shoulder when he is on camera is very inauthentic . As a true patriot he should have a picture of the real thing as aussies made it .  Not some jazzed up caricature that was probably churned out of a Chinese souvenir factory .     Details count, as you know.

All the best for the future .
And I actually do mean that ,  Jonesie .
But thank God you are off the air .  

  Your comrade , Ken