Reference :- Andy Bolt breaks new ground in his fight against "remote communites . "

Reference :-  Andy Bolt explained that we should not be trying to protect "remote communities " from coronavirus .  He may have let a wafer thin sliver of racism slip out .

Congratulations Andy .  You exceeded expectations on last night's Bolt report .  However , since excessive pride often precedes a fall ,  you might benefit from some feedback regarding a few minor  gaffs that tarnished an otherwise flawless presentation .

 Let's start with your suggestion that keeping  coronavirus  out of " remote communities "  should not be a priority , since  people living in such locations had made a lifestyle choice.
 Nobody could argue with that reasoning . Paleontologists  agree that the first Australians made that choice over 60, 000 years ago , and decided to stay on for the long haul .  That certainly is a good example of folk making a lifestyle choice and sticking with it .  Pretty much the opposite of our mob , the  Europeans , who like to travel the globe and meet the locals . 

 However Andy , you are not the first to suggest that spreading a little contagion might not be such a terrible thing .   Long ago ,  blankets deliberately infected with lethal diseases  had a role to play in maintaining the correct population balance in "remote communities ".   Nonetheless , you do deserve credit for reminding us of a reliable strategy that has mysteriously fallen from favour in recent times .

 But here's a problem , Andy.   These days, with all the fake aborigines running around (  you know , publishing books and so forth like that Bruce Pascoe chap )  how do we decide who to contaminate?

 One last thing.  You asserted that the members of "remote communities "  are an unnecessary drain on the public purse .  That assertion in vulnerable to attack now that the whole country is queuing up
for the dole because our own culture has taken a kick up the backside . 
I am sure a bright spark like you can competently address those issues in a future broadcast .  In this instance I will let you run the story without acknowledging my contribution , you need a break at the moment .

By the way , how are your investments  weathering the financial Armageddon  ?  Don't panic if they are going down the tube , we can always rely on the government to bail out the financial sector when circumstances reveal an unexpected flaw in the system.   Of course , it won't be called socialism for the rich .   "Fiscal stimulus to facilitate market corrections "  has a better ring to it .

Your comrade , Ken   P.S.    Gabbo sends his regards .

Reference :- There is more to staying in safe lockdown than meets the eye.

Reference :-    Monte pointed out that we were  not as safe in lockdown as we thought .


The news being rather repetitive these days , we made some new rules limiting how often we turn on the television set for an update .  It was a wise decision . The days pass pleasantly getting jobs done around the house , and playing scrabble , which is becoming quite an obsession .

The canine member of the household , Dog , gets bored during our scrabble games . He paws at us and  drops a slobbery tennis ball on our laps to encourage us to play with him  . And when we don't , he heads off to Kooralya with the ball in his mouth looking for better company .

 Yesterday , when he came home he had obviously enjoyed a fun excursion .  He wagged his tail furiously , grinned , panted , and drooled everywhere . Then shared his elation by jumping all over us.

 Monte pushed him away , horrified .   " Down Dog down !  "  Monte shouted  " Bad Dog ! Bad Dog ! .....   Go to your rug !!!       Monte pointed at Dog's rug .  Dog slunk to his rug ,  head down , and sat there guiltily watching us with nervous eyes .

The other lads were confused  "   Hey , take it easy on Dog . What did he do ? "  Gabbo said .
 It was then that Monte pointed out that most of Kooralya would have patted Dog , and the he could be all clapped up with coronavirus .

 Well , that was certainly a canny observation .   Monte  has a tub, gloves and Dettol for use when Dog comes home putrid from rolling in a well fermented dead kangaroo . Monte  put on his  gloves . Dog's head hung low, as he anticipated  bath time .    Dog doesn't handle disgrace very well.    But after the shame of being washed under the tank stand ,  he always makes a point of deliberately shaking  himself beside us .  We shout with horror , and he comes good pretty fast . 

The funny thing is , the spray of bath water he splatters over us always takes us by surprise .
Dog is now free of contagion . The gate is shut ,  and Dog is in lockdown too .   It's a pity  he doesn't play scrabble .

 Your comrade , Ken   



  

Reference :- Decisive Prime Minister Mr Scott Morrison readdresses coiffeurs .

Reference :-   As promised our PM is keeping us updated with the government's response to the pandemic as the situation changes daily .

 That was certainly a very quick response Mr Morrison , sir .  One day we are told that we are only allowed half an hour for a haircut , and the next day we are told it can be as long as needed .  That is certainly a rapid response to changing...err.... circumstances. 

Ken junior reckons even the blokes these days need more than half an hour to get their hair styled .  I guess the popular metrosexual look isn't easily achieved in a short appointment .
My mate , Trevor , hasn't been to a coiffeur in decades .  He has been as bald as a cue ball for as long as we can remember . He reckons if the pandemic gets bad enough , the only people left will be bald men and women who aren't particular about their hair .

 Ken junior doesn't like the sound of that . He reckons a ratio of about a million men for every woman would limit his courtship opportunities .

 That's the trouble with Ken junior , he only has one thing on his mind these days . 

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- The Sky Reply editor completely blows his stack . And the long awaited limerick is published .

Reference :-  The last few appearances on the Sky News You Tube channel by Andy Bolt , and his abettor Rowan Dean , have been intolerably vile .  Nobody could watch them and not believe that the following objurgation is not justified .   Try watching them , and see if you can cope . 


Well Andy , you and that contumelious sack of puke, Rowan Dean , have outdone yourselves of late .  Cackling over Greta Thunberg's illness as you guffaw your way through the current health crisis .   Drooling and sneering at our woes like a pair of vile clowns in a Stephen King novel while people around the world are dying .  Hysterically criticising  those who struggle to help , leering at those who suffer , giggling like a pair of drunken sadists .

 What a pair of childish and detestable  pricks you are . Have you noticed how your audience is evaporating  ?    Have you noticed that your spite filled faces no longer appear at the top of the Sky News You Tube page ?   Well screech and cackle while you can , I guess .  It is that image of you both that I wish to remember when your careers mercifully end , and you are carted off to whatever grim knackery awaits irrelevant journalists with decimated superannuation .

 You find everything so funny these days that I could be excused for suspecting you have been hitting the turps . Especially you, Andy .  I hope they enforce drug and alcohol testing at Sky News .  It would be negligent of them to let you become all lushed up just because your audience has done a runner .  If that does happen , remember to behave with the dignity you have always demonstrated by having a hissy fit and suing them, if you can afford to.

Anyway , that's my stack blown .  Here is a limerick that was promised in a previous post .  You might enjoy it , Andy and Rowan .   Ken junior has changed the title following a major edit by Gabbo and Monte , who were greatly inspired by your recent broadcasts .   Unfortunately some of the language is so obscene that I have had to pull rank on the lads , and censor the most offensive swear words .   Nevertheless ,  I am sure you will still get the gist of it , despite the censored swear words , which now read as  the empty syllable , "Blah " .

                                  " In Honour of Andy Bolt and Rowan Dean "  
                                                                                          by  The Sky Reply 

                                            Andy and Rowan blah blah ,
                                            Blah blah blah blah blah blah ,
                                            Blah blah blah blah ,
                                            Blah blah blah blah blah,
                                            Blah blah blah you fucking cunts .

  Oh you have to laugh ,  don't you guys ?     If you want a signed copy , just let us know a postal address and we can mail one for each of you .  We will cover the cost of posting two , but if you want more copies for friends , you will have to spot us some cash to cover our overheads . These are hard times , as you know.

                                      Keep laughing ,           Your comrade , Ken 



  
  

Reference :- Why has the pandemic made some of us happier ?

Reference :-  While some people are going the biff in supermarkets over toilet tissue , most of us are actually behaving more kindly to strangers , and many even appear strangely happier .


We asked the Sky Reply team to give their opinions regarding the noticeable change in public mood .
 And indeed the vibe is difficult to articulate , like many emotional states .  I guess that is why the usual suspects at Sky News ( Jonesie Credlin Bolt et al ) have little to say and fewer viewers than usual  . People appear to be losing interest in their vile rants, which are actually a base form entertainment rather than a news service .   Like watching dwarfs wrestle .

But at The Sky Reply we are seldom lost for words , and we unashamedly acknowledge  the usefulness of metaphor . 
 
  Each member of the team was asked to concoct a metaphor that revealed their understanding of the current vibe  . At least to some extent.   And here they are .

Monte ( the motorcyclist )  reckons that for decades free market capitalism has been running like a buggered motorbike .   It keeps backfiring and spluttering  and almost stopping , and the rider ( the government ), not knowing what to do just hits random engine parts with a hammer which clears  something and lets it run again for awhile .   But now the whole engine  has blown up  , and the rider has no choice but to take the motorbike to a proper mechanic , spend some money , and have it fully rebuilt from the ground up.  Something that should have happened generations ago .

 Ken junior  reckons the government has been protecting it's surplus like a somebody clinging to their virginity .   And now it has gone they will metaphorically shag themselves stupid forever unless  they establish a stable and mutually respectful relationship with the financial oligarchy. 

 Gabbo ( the aborigine )   reckons that white folk have been way overdue for a big Corroboree.   He says a Corroborree  is an opportunity to celebrate the interface between humans and the Dreaming .  He reckons Corroborees  allow people to reinforce the spiritual bond between each other and the planet .   The current crisis , terrible though it is , has given many of us that opportunity .

Well, the lads may be a pain in the arse at times , but it's nice to see that they are also capable of thinking beyond the boundaries of their personal obsessions . 

 Your comrade , Ken

 P.S.    Due to popular demand the next Sky Reply will feature the limerick previously deemed too obscene for publication.




 

Reference :- Redoubtable Prime Minister and concise orator Mr Scott Morrison spoke to the nation last night .

Reference:-   Last night  Mr Morrison  delivered an update on government policy which was meant to put us all in the picture regarding the pandemic .

The Sky Reply team sat by the tele last night , keen to discover how the crisis was being handled .    Mr Morrison's appearance was initially billed as an address to the nation .  However it was soon pointed out that it was not to be an actual address . This tempering of our expectations was laboured to the point that Monte fell asleep before Mr Morrison had even appeared .

In these troubled times , it is clearly important that people are not further stressed by ambiguity .   Since it was not an " address" to the nation , we will refer to it as last night's "pitch ".

 Mr Morrison did become annoyingly verbose during his pitch to the nation , something he rarely does , so the Sky Reply has summarised the key points for those whose time is precious .

 1.    It is the role of the federal government to lead during national disasters , and accordingly we point out that it is up to the individual states and schools to decide what to do about the spread of contagion .

2.    Only 5 people can attend a wedding , since crowds of more than five present too great a risk .

3.  Only 10 people can attend a funeral , since crowds of more than  ten present too great a risk .

4.  A  long list of non essential jobs has been prepared , and these people should not be working .

5.   All jobs are essential and everybody needs to be working  for the sake of the economy .

6.   The government has practiced austerity for years because spending restraint is the only way to protect the economy .

7.    The government will spend hundreds of billions of quid on a stimulus package because massive spending is the only way to protect the economy .

 Now that is all cleared up , we can relax , knowing the country is in capable hands .

    Your comrade , Ken

 

Reference :- Not everybody has to change their lifestyle because of the coronavirus pandemic .

Reference : -   The Sky Reply team decided to visit an old chap who lives alone , in case he had not yet heard the news about the current health crisis.

Old Harry lives alone, in his hut down by the river, about five miles out of Kooralya .    He seldom comes to town in his antique Landrover , and we hadn't seen him for awhile , so we took a run out there to see how he is holding up .

Harry was in fine shape .  We asked him if he had plenty of toilet paper , and he said there were still lots of back issues of The Australian in the outhouse .  We thought that he was probably unaware of the crisis, since he doesn't even listen to the ABC radio anymore .  He says ABC stands for Another  Bloody Crisis .  Well we don't totally agree with that assessment , but on occasion he may have a point .

Anyway , Harry was pleased to have visitors , and put on the kettle to make us a cuppa.   Even his dog was pleased to have visitors .  While the tea brewed we told Harry that the market economy of the whole world was collapsing . We told him that governments have lowered interest rates to near zero, and poured billions into propping up the financial sector .  We told him thousands had lost their jobs , and businesses everywhere faced bankruptcy .  We told him the government was struggling to keep people calm , and that new laws has been introduced to keep people at home in isolation . We told him there had been panic buying at supermarkets and some necessities were in short supply .  We told him many people only had a few weeks cash available and would soon be unable to pay their mortgages . We told him that big companies and the financial sector may end up receiving the lion's share of the bail out money , leaving those most in need with next to nothing,  and taxpayers with a huge bill .

Harry said he knew that's what would happen .

  "How did you hear about the coronavirus ? "  Gabbo  said  .

" What's coronavirus ?  " Harry said .

  Your comrade , Ken