Reference :- As hoped , we can reveal a fresh approach to the provision of aged care .

 Reference :-   The Sky Reply team visited octogenarian and local identity , Harry , who outlined what he plans to do when he reaches old age . 

Harry has always been a " do it yourself " type .    He erected  the shed he lives in himself , and has always maintained it . He  built his old Landrover himself , using parts from a couple of wrecks .    If the fridge or the washing machine packs it in , he will repair it himself . I guess you would call him an all round handiman . 

After watching Jonesie report on the state of aged care facilities nation wide , Harry has decided he can turn his shed into his own an aged care facility .  He ran his idea past us , and we have to admit it has merit . 

Harry reckons he can reproduce all the features essential to any aged care facility . 

1.    He can readily transform his bunk into a rat infested bed with filthy sheets at no cost .

2.    He reckons sitting all day in a pair of soiled pajamas can also be achieved at no cost . 

3.    He claims that eating a diet of slop devoid of nutrition is inexpensive and requires no culinary expertise . 

4.    He can arrange to gradually drain his bank account by leasing a BMW for an arrogant  CEO .

5.    He can medicate himself into a stupor with moonshine Rum from his still , saving the cost of tablets . 

6 .   He already doesn't get any visitors , so that won't change . 

However , he did ask me and Ken junior to help him with the last two things . 

" I need somebody to disturb me from a peaceful nap three times each day to serve me lukewarm tea and a stale biscuit .  And I need somebody to sexually assault me in the bathroom when I am taking a shower . "  Harry said .

Ken junior looked nervously about . 

"  I will stock up on teabags and Arrowroot biscuits then . "   ,  Ken junior said . 

And swiftly departed . 

Your comrade , Ken . 

 

 

 

Reference :- It's been very disappointing perusing all the Sky News presentations we missed .

 Reference :-    The Sky Reply team decided to look at viewer numbers as an indication of which Sky News presentations we should view first . 

Where have all the Sky News viewers gone ?   Being of mature years myself , I hoped  that Jonesie's excellent appraisal of the  Aged Care Royal Commission's findings would score plenty of views , but no . 

 About one percent of aged folk watched his show , and nobody else could be bothered .   For every person who tuned in to watch the aged care segment there were hundreds who glued themselves to the tube while Jonesie raved about the damage inflicted on the civilized world by somebody called Prince Harry and a sheila called Megan . ( I have never heard of them myself , but Ken junior tells me they are husband and wife . ) 

 Anyway ,  I watched the whole aged care show and gave it a thumbs up , which pushed the thumbs up number across the fifty mark .   But I guess nobody gives a rat's about old folk in this country , which would explain the fact that we only spend .04 % of national income on aged care . 

  And that is all the news of interest we missed while holidaying . Although it does look like Andy Bolt is hitting the bottle again , which is always good for a laugh .  

Your comrade , Ken

PS  .   Our mate Harry , who is the other octogenarian in Kooralya  , tells me he has his own plan for aged care when the time comes .   We hope to reveal this in tomorrow's Sky Reply .

 

Reference :- The Sky Reply has returned from holidays .

 Reference :-  The Sky Reply team has just returned to their  premises in Kooralya , eager to see what has happened at Sky News during their absence  . 

We haven't even flicked on the tele yet .  The grass in the yard is knee high and teeming with fever infested mosquitoes .  Dog was excited to see us , and jumped all over us with muddy paws . Mice have not only devastated the pantry , but have also chewed through several of our prized first editions and my pack of marked playing cards . 

 All the labels have been chewed off the canned food . 

 " How are we supposed to work out what is in each of these cans  ? "  ,    I said 

  " They are all baked beans . "  ,  Gabbo said .

 Ken junior is chopping some wood to light the stove so we can have hot showers  . Monte and Gabbo are about to try push starting  the ute , which has a flat battery .   

 " If you can start it , go into town and grab a loaf of bread . "    I said . 

 " We are having baked beans on toast for  dinner . "     I said . 

 The trouble with holidays is that one generally returns penniless . 

 I can hardly wait to be informed concerning the state of the nation when we flick on Sky News . 

 "  I bet the first thing we see is a news anchor complaining about a woke lunatic who has been offended by a childrens fairy tale .  And I bet  Paul Murray has found  some new insulting monikers with which to assert his superiority over various high profile folk .  And I bet the Royal Commission into  the media has been ignored . "    Ken junior said . 

 "   Oh for heavens sake ! "  ,   I said . 

 " What ? ".   , Ken junior said . 

  "  All these cans have sliced  peaches in them !  "    I said . 

     Your comrade , Ken 

 

 

 

Reference:- The Sky Reply is going on holidays .

Reference :-   The Sky Reply team is off for some well deserved recreation . 

After a short break , we will return at the beginning of May .  God willing .  

Some folk want to know if it is true that we have buggered off to waste a small fortune racing cars , partying and generally philandering . 

But look , we are not prepared to answer those questions on this program .  A report will be forthcoming at a suitable juncture  , and that is all we can say because there are legal proceedings in place , and at this time we are not in full possession of all the relevant facts .  

Additionally there are security considerations and it would be inappropriate for us to comment while a police investigation is in progress .  

However , you can rest assured that we are treating these inquiries seriously and are fully committed to providing an explanation in a timely and responsible manner . But don't hold your breath .

Anyway , must fly , we seem to have misplaced Ken junior's crash helmet . 

See you next month , 

 Your comrade , Ken

 

 

Reference :- The hard working team at Sky News seems lost lately .

 Reference :-  Now that the Murdoch media are dusting our Prime Minister , the Sky News hosts  seem confused. 

 Dear lost souls at Sky News , 

 Now that the Prime Minister is so on the nose that even Mr Murdoch can't stomach him , you must redefine your goals .   Sadly you can't  promote anybody else in the Coalition .  It is always easy to dump a Prime Minister if there is another more suitable candidate gloating on the front bench .  Unfortunately ,  with all the accusations of criminal behavior and the subsequent games of parliamentary musical chairs such a candidate does not exist .    

However  you can't just continue to ignore Mr Morrison .   Mr Morrison is your creation , and now he is disgraced you must accept some responsibility for the situation , and not repeat the mistakes of Victor Frankenstein .  Have you heard Mr Morrison lately ?   The Coalition members have enjoyed  the support of Sky News for so long that they have never learnt how to survive without it . Labor and the Greens had to develop such skills long ago ,  but poor Mr Morrison can't cope . 

Sky News has created a spoiled child , and now he is running amok trashing the joint . You can't just turn your backs like bad parents and pretend nothing is happening .  My advice is that you give him a stern talking to , and maybe a clip under the earhole . You must still dump him , of course , but at least you can limit the damage he does to the Coalition before he vanishes into the obscurity he so richly deserves. 

Your comrade , Ken .  

Disclaimer :-     In these days of political correctness we feel the need to point out that the expression " clip under the earhole " was meant metaphorically . We used it as a metaphor for " boot up the backside ".

 

 

 

 

 

Reference :- Real Estate prices are booming . We are told that is good news .

Reference :-   Why should we be pleased that house prices are increasing  at a rate faster than we have seen in over thirty years?

We certainly live in exciting times . Our house out  here in Kooralya may have gone up in value by almost 6 percent , which is close to ten thousand quid .   Young Monte reckons we should get a home equity loan and use the money to buy a new trail bike .   Ken junior reckons we should use the money to buy one of those giant television sets .

But then Gabbo asked the question " How are we going to pay the loan back ? " . 

That calmed everybody down more than somewhat , but Gabbo had more to say . 

"  Everybody needs food , clothes and shelter to survive  ."        Gabbo said 

 " Well obviously . "   I said . 

 " How would you feel if prices for food and clothing  were escalating ? "    Gabbo said . 

 "  That would be terrible . "   I said . 

  " So why would anybody want the cost of shelter to escalate  ? " .   Gabbo said . 

   Gabbo has an annoying habit of asking tricky questions .  And when no answer is forthcoming he tends to rave . 

   " If everybody's home loan repayments were less , labor costs could be less .  That would mean we could go back to being competitive in the manufacturing sector .  High house prices stifle the economy . " Gabbo said . 

   But nobody was listening , we had all lost interest .  Ken junior changed the subject . 

 " Say , let's  head to the coast for a few days , we could all do with a break .  " ,  Ken junior said . 

 "  Not a chance in the world . "  ,   I said . 

 "  Why not ? "  ,  Ken junior said . 

 "  The mortgage payment comes  out of our account tomorrow , so we are broke . "   I said . 

   It's just as well somebody around here understands finance . 

    Happy Easter .

   Your comrade , Ken . 

 

      

 

Reference :- While missing all the best news stories , Sky host Andy Bolt gave us his updated opinion concerning statues .

 Reference :-   Andy Bolt was horrified by the anger directed at historic statues throughout the western world in recent times .  But apparently statues are not all equal .

Tearing down , moving , defacing and expressing anger over statues is very foolish , as you have said many times Andy  .  While the occasional statue might honor a murderer , or a slave trader , or a war monger or even misrepresent history ( as does the statue of Richard the Lionheart outside the Palace of Westminster in London ) it is still a valuable part of our heritage .  Rather like a faded sepia photograph of a great uncle who was jailed for cattle duffing in 1876 , which still deserves a place in the family album . 

But Andy ,  as you say , this Greta Thunberg tribute is taking things way to far . You tell us that Winchester University is erecting a statue of this troublesome teenage girl !  How dare they ?     She may have millions of supporters globally and is possibly the most influential teenager of her generation , but that doesn't mean she deserves a place in history .  In this instance the best thing we can do is forget that she ever existed . 

When you explained a few months ago that it is petty nonsense to take offense at statues , there had been no mention of this outrageous Greta Thunberg idol , even though it had been commissioned and paid for back in 2019 .  Ah.... remember those glorious pre -Covid days Andy ? 

Anyway , I reckon we should keep reminding  people that it cost a massive 23,000 quid . Money that could have been put aside for Covid relief , if we had known a pandemic was coming . 

One more thing Andy .   Ken junior wants to know why  the Greta idol  was so cheap.  Our new Captain Cook statue ran to about 3 million bucks .  He thinks we taxpayers may have been overcharged , but I told him the government always ensures that we get value for money .  As usual , I am sure we can rely upon you for an explanation .

Your comrade , Ken .