Reference :- A semi - articulate Andy Bolt once again interviewed the charismatic Mark Latham .

 Reference : -  Andy Bolt and Mark Latham equated belief in climate change to medieval superstition. 

Well done chaps . That was a brilliant observation . It's just a shame that you didn't explore the analogy more completely . 

Thankfully the team here at The Sky Reply has done some research for you , and has produced further evidence to support your assertion .  The advent of modern technology has encouraged us to arrogantly assume that we don't make irrational conclusions .   Yet we are no more clever than our forebears , and possibly even less sagacious.   You are welcome to use the following on your show , free of consideration for copyright . 

In medieval times Hieromancy was practiced . This involved removing the entrails of a sacrificed creature and examining them to divine the future .  Today scientists drill two miles into the bowels of the earth with tungsten carbide drills to extract thousands of ice core samples which are examined using Microspectrophotometry  .  It is obviously the modern equivalent of Hieromancy , and doubtless as unreliable . 

Medieval folk also looked to the sky to forecast  the future . Comets and eclipses , for example , were seen as portents . Today we also look to the sky . We use  geosynchronous satellites and high altitude helium balloons to make predictions about the weather and measure changes in the atmosphere .  What is the difference ?

 Tyromancy was popular in the middle ages . This technique involved predicting the future by examining the holes in cheeses .    Today we use digital photography and ultraviolet radiation measurements  to measure the extent of holes in the ozone layer , and holes in the polar ice caps , to predict global trends in climate change .  Obviously that is just the same idea , updated somewhat , but just as foolish . 

 In the middle ages , women would throw Herring fat at the wall , and by looking at the pattern produced they would predict the future .    Today we do biochemical analyses of fish flesh to measure their uptake of heavy metals and toxic chemicals in an attempt to understand the world wide depletion of fish stocks and the spread of environmental pollution .   I ask you , does this make more sense than a splatter of fat on a cottage wall ?   

 These days scientists  may have a lot of technological data  at their  disposal ,  but really , as you say chaps , are they any less superstitious  than Macbeth's witches ? 

 Your comrade , Ken .    

PS   The solution to yesterday's mathematics problem will be released soon .

 

Reference :- Figures can be deceptive .

Reference:-   Gabbo's conundrum has me beat . Perhaps somebody can help .  

So this is the riddle . 

Three Tories try to book the night at a hotel room during a gas led economic recovery conference .  Unfortunately the hotel is almost fully booked .   The manager tells them they only have one room with three beds available for 150 quid .   The three Tories decide to share the room , and each pay 50 quid for the night . 

Later the manager realizes that the room is one of the cheap ones , and he should have charged them 100 quid .  He calls the bellboy and tells him to take 50 quid back to the overcharged Tories .  He hands the bellboy five ten quid notes . 

While in the elevator the bellboy decides that trying to split five ten quid notes between three Tories will be awkward .  Being entrepreneurial  ( shifty ) , the bellboy decides to give  the Tories one ten quid note each and pocket the other two ten quid notes for himself .   How would they know ?  

 The three Tories  ( and the bellboy ) were happy with the deal . 

So in the end , each Tory has paid 40 quid for the night ( 50 less the refunded ten quid note  ) , which meant they paid 120 quid for the room  ( 3 times 40 ) .    And the bellboy pocketed two ten quid notes , which is 20 quid . This adds up to 140 quid . 

 So where is the missing ten quid note that makes up the original 150 quid ?  

 I am sure I could work it out eventually , but there are more pressing matters to attend to , and I don't want to waste my time on Gabbo's stupid brain teaser . 

 Your comrade , Ken 

 

 

Reference:- The federal budget has been revealed , and the Sky News anchors are concerned .

 Reference :-    The Sky News anchors think this budget looks like one that the crazy left might produce .

Dear custodians of conservative economic policy at Sky News , 

By Jove , we haven't had a budget like this from the Tories before .   After watching Sky News  I started to worry about uncontrolled government debt . It will soon be 43% of  GDP at this rate ! 

Here at The Sky Reply young Monte is our numbers man , so I asked him to explain the country's economy in layman's  terms .   

"It's easy enough to understand if you just think of the nation as a household . Clearly it is common sense to equate an entire nation's economy to a household budget , since the only difference is simply one of scale , Monte said  .   I liked the sound of that . 

 " Keep talking .  I like simple explanations . "  ,  I said

  Monte explained the obvious , which is that the countries most in debt are in a bad way , whereas those with little debt  are prosperous .   

 " Give me some examples " , I said . 

 " Well the UK , France , Germany , the  USA , and Singapore all have two or three times the government debt we have in Australia . "  ,   Monte said . 

  " Those places must be dreadful " , I said . 

  "  Name some countries with less debt than us . "  ,  I said . 

 " Kosovo has half our debt ratio . Afghanistan a quarter of it  , and Libya about a tenth . " Monte said 

 "  Well those countries must be the most prosperous in the world . "  ,  I said

  Gabbo had been listening . 

 "  Can I say something  ? "  ,   Gabbo said . 

 "  A household income stops when the breadwinners retire , but a country's income goes on indefinitely and continues to grow with time . That means the household budget analogy is wrong .  "  Gabbo said . 

 " Stop complicating things Gabbo . "  ,  I said . 

 " And tell me , why is the government encouraging folk to borrow ten times their annual income to buy a house if debt is bad ?   That is 1000% of their personal GDP , and they have only a limited working life to pay it back . "  ,  Gabbo said . 

 " You're making my brain hurt . " , I said . 

  Anyway ,  Gabbo then gave me a money problem to solve .

 He calls it " Find the missing money . " 

 It looks simple ,  but if I can't work it out myself  I will ask for help in tomorrow's post . 

 Your comrade , Ken .

   

 

  

. 

 

 

'

Reference :- There has been a minor contretemps here at The Sky Reply .

Reference :-   Soon after returning to our typewriters , a disagreement erupted at the Sky Reply office. 

For a few days we had all attempted to ignore the pachyderm in the room.  Clearly that couldn't last .   Monte had been sullen all morning as he typed furiously on his Remington .  Suddenly he stood up , tore the sheet of paper from it's carriage and waved it in the air . 

" It's about time somebody wrote this ! "  ,    Monte said . 

Gabbo tried to grab the sheet , but I beat him to it . 

 "  Angry Andy's Alcohol Affliction  ".   the headline read . 

 Well that is the kind of banner headline that can land a chap in court facing punitive litigation . And Mr Bolt is no stranger to the courtroom .

  "  Jeez Monte , you cant say that . You need proof  ! "  I said 

 "   He can hardly articulate a word with more than two syllables ! "    Monte said . 

 " What if he is bravely struggling to deliver quality journalism while suffering from cancer of the lingual frenum or something ? "  ,    I said . 

  "  He sways about and rolls his eyes . "     Monte said . 

 "  He might be on chemotherapy for tongue cancer   . "  I said 

   Monte appeared unconvinced . 

 " Also painkillers . "   I said . 

 "  He might also be a vile drunken buffoon drinking away the pathetic remnants of his deplorable career .  "   ,  Monte said . 

 " Well even if he does like a drink  , at least he hasn't been fooled into drinking the Kool-Aid of Cultural Marxism . " , I said . 

 " Would you care to define that ?  " , Monte said . 

When Monte is like that , there is no reasoning with him .   I tore his manuscript to pieces and handed it back to him . 

 "   We are going to run with Gabbo's story today . "   I said . 

 I gestured to Gabbo , who handed me the story he had been working on .

 "   Belligerent Bolt's Brazen Boozing . "     the headline said . 

Sigh ....... it's going to be one of those days . 

  Your comrade , Ken .

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Reference :- As hoped , we can reveal a fresh approach to the provision of aged care .

 Reference :-   The Sky Reply team visited octogenarian and local identity , Harry , who outlined what he plans to do when he reaches old age . 

Harry has always been a " do it yourself " type .    He erected  the shed he lives in himself , and has always maintained it . He  built his old Landrover himself , using parts from a couple of wrecks .    If the fridge or the washing machine packs it in , he will repair it himself . I guess you would call him an all round handiman . 

After watching Jonesie report on the state of aged care facilities nation wide , Harry has decided he can turn his shed into his own an aged care facility .  He ran his idea past us , and we have to admit it has merit . 

Harry reckons he can reproduce all the features essential to any aged care facility . 

1.    He can readily transform his bunk into a rat infested bed with filthy sheets at no cost .

2.    He reckons sitting all day in a pair of soiled pajamas can also be achieved at no cost . 

3.    He claims that eating a diet of slop devoid of nutrition is inexpensive and requires no culinary expertise . 

4.    He can arrange to gradually drain his bank account by leasing a BMW for an arrogant  CEO .

5.    He can medicate himself into a stupor with moonshine Rum from his still , saving the cost of tablets . 

6 .   He already doesn't get any visitors , so that won't change . 

However , he did ask me and Ken junior to help him with the last two things . 

" I need somebody to disturb me from a peaceful nap three times each day to serve me lukewarm tea and a stale biscuit .  And I need somebody to sexually assault me in the bathroom when I am taking a shower . "  Harry said .

Ken junior looked nervously about . 

"  I will stock up on teabags and Arrowroot biscuits then . "   ,  Ken junior said . 

And swiftly departed . 

Your comrade , Ken . 

 

 

 

Reference :- It's been very disappointing perusing all the Sky News presentations we missed .

 Reference :-    The Sky Reply team decided to look at viewer numbers as an indication of which Sky News presentations we should view first . 

Where have all the Sky News viewers gone ?   Being of mature years myself , I hoped  that Jonesie's excellent appraisal of the  Aged Care Royal Commission's findings would score plenty of views , but no . 

 About one percent of aged folk watched his show , and nobody else could be bothered .   For every person who tuned in to watch the aged care segment there were hundreds who glued themselves to the tube while Jonesie raved about the damage inflicted on the civilized world by somebody called Prince Harry and a sheila called Megan . ( I have never heard of them myself , but Ken junior tells me they are husband and wife . ) 

 Anyway ,  I watched the whole aged care show and gave it a thumbs up , which pushed the thumbs up number across the fifty mark .   But I guess nobody gives a rat's about old folk in this country , which would explain the fact that we only spend .04 % of national income on aged care . 

  And that is all the news of interest we missed while holidaying . Although it does look like Andy Bolt is hitting the bottle again , which is always good for a laugh .  

Your comrade , Ken

PS  .   Our mate Harry , who is the other octogenarian in Kooralya  , tells me he has his own plan for aged care when the time comes .   We hope to reveal this in tomorrow's Sky Reply .

 

Reference :- The Sky Reply has returned from holidays .

 Reference :-  The Sky Reply team has just returned to their  premises in Kooralya , eager to see what has happened at Sky News during their absence  . 

We haven't even flicked on the tele yet .  The grass in the yard is knee high and teeming with fever infested mosquitoes .  Dog was excited to see us , and jumped all over us with muddy paws . Mice have not only devastated the pantry , but have also chewed through several of our prized first editions and my pack of marked playing cards . 

 All the labels have been chewed off the canned food . 

 " How are we supposed to work out what is in each of these cans  ? "  ,    I said 

  " They are all baked beans . "  ,  Gabbo said .

 Ken junior is chopping some wood to light the stove so we can have hot showers  . Monte and Gabbo are about to try push starting  the ute , which has a flat battery .   

 " If you can start it , go into town and grab a loaf of bread . "    I said . 

 " We are having baked beans on toast for  dinner . "     I said . 

 The trouble with holidays is that one generally returns penniless . 

 I can hardly wait to be informed concerning the state of the nation when we flick on Sky News . 

 "  I bet the first thing we see is a news anchor complaining about a woke lunatic who has been offended by a childrens fairy tale .  And I bet  Paul Murray has found  some new insulting monikers with which to assert his superiority over various high profile folk .  And I bet the Royal Commission into  the media has been ignored . "    Ken junior said . 

 "   Oh for heavens sake ! "  ,   I said . 

 " What ? ".   , Ken junior said . 

  "  All these cans have sliced  peaches in them !  "    I said . 

     Your comrade , Ken