Reference :- The petition calling for an enquiry into the Australian media has been discredited due to robotic corruption , so we are told .

Reference :-   The very media that the petition refers to claim the petition has been manipulated . 

Dear senior staff at News Corp , 

This is a serious matter , and warrants a thorough investigation . (Younger readers might not recognize the word ,"thorough " which has been recently superseded by the word "robust ".   Although the new word does not have the same meaning precisely .  A " thorough " investigation might be achieved despite being underfunded  and handicapped . It might succeed against overwhelming  odds .   The term " robust " gives an impression of forcefulness and power , two of the main ingredients in any recipe for corruption . )

Anyway , that's enough obscure linguistic pontification for now .  The point is that this petition has been found to have fake signatures , many apparently forged by what you call " Bangladeshi bots " .   It's bad enough that robots signed the petition , but these are not even  kosher R2-D2  or  C-3PIO robots . They are not even lovable rogue robots like Bender from Futurama .  Frighteningly,  they are foreign robots , from a weird and inferior country which no doubt wishes to destroy our freedoms and way of life through sheer vindictiveness . 

 Mind you , the numbers are not great . Perhaps Bangladesh is too poor to afford many robots , since the fake signatures are thought to number about 1000 or so .  This means that 99.8% of the signatures on the petition are fair dinkum .   Sadly, it does not lend strength to your argument that the petition is a fraud , but you can still resort to the fear tactics that have served you so well to date . 

My advice is that you reference the fact that Bangladesh is ruled by a socialist government . Nothing sparks fear faster than the term " socialist ". 

A useful headline could be :-

   "  Foreign Socialists help former Labor PM rig petition . "

 The article that follows could highlight the importance of keeping  the media free of government regulations in a democratic society . You need no advice for that , since it will practically write itself . It is a fundamental principal of capitalism that governments should never enforce regulations that distort the balance of free market forces . 

By the way , how are you going with your recent lobbying ?  I see you want the government to introduce regulations that force  Facebook and Google to pay you royalties .  And fair enough too . Those high tech guys must think that the media are just a bloody free for all . 

Somebody needs to teach them some rules . 

 Your comrade , Ken

 

Reference :- Sky Anchor Alan Jones , AKA Frankenjonesie , is sticking with his belief that there is no pandemic .

Reference :-  Is that what Jonesie really believes , or is he just a shill for big business ?  

 Well Jonesie , I see the Sky News professionals are pretty much sticking with their opinion that the pandemic is fake news.  Although young Rita Panahi annoyed  Rowan Dean by suggesting that  the number of clapped up folk in the good old USA was becoming  alarming . You should talk to her about that , it's important that the Sky News team maintain a consistent narrative .   (  My apologies Jonesie , " narrative " is the ugliest word in the English language .  Let me rephrase that as " stick to the same story . " )

It has been a week since Rita irritated Rowan with her silly remark , and  there have been another million new cases of Covid appear in the USA since then .   As you keep reminding us , most cases are mild , although the appearance of refrigerated vans outside overflowing morgues is a bad look . It was also unsettling to watch the Republican Governor  of North Dakota become teary as he reversed his decision that masks were not necessary because new Covid cases are now appearing in his state at twenty times the rate they were in May.  

Anyway Jonesie , as with climate change ,  comprehensive statistics confuse the issue , and  it is the cherry picked ones we must always rely upon .  It is time the Sky News crew cranked up their metaphorical pandemic cherry picker and set our minds at ease . And here's a tip .  Never consult a graph , those things are the devil's work .  

Stay well .  Your comrade , Ken                      

 

. 

Reference :- Sky News anchor, young Rowan Dean , seems very miffed about the election result in the USA.

Reference  :-  Young Rowan is a bit sulky at present , and hasn't even bothered with his usual weather boy duties . 

 Greetings Rowan . Ken junior reckons it isn't only the fact that Mr Trump lost the popular vote by about 5 million that's got you all out of sorts . It will also be the fact that you said the pandemic panic would vanish now the election is over  . And it hasn't . In fact just yesterday the daily record was broken yet again , with over 160,000 new cases . And a lot of folk are getting pretty upset about the death toll passing the quarter of a million mark . 

But never mind , although you get virtually everything wrong lately you were almost on the money this time . You said that the pandemic would vanish and that Mr Trump's vote count would see a spectacular rise . Of course , it is Mr trump who has vanished , while the Covid count is on a spectacular rise, but you were close .

It's too late to save your credibility with that , but though you are clearly a bit sulky , don't let it get to you .  Peta Credlin is still keen to interview you , and this is a good thing now that Andy Bolt has started bringing his whisky into the studio for dutch courage   .  Furthermore the Sky Reply team has been working on a story for you , so you can reclaim your position as comic weather boy . 

The figures are in , and globally we have just experienced the hottest September on record with massive fires . You have prudently avoided this news , but the weeks are passing and record Christmas snow will doubtless precipitate somewhere in northern climes very soon .   That will be your opportunity to prance around wearing a beanie and scarf while you laugh at the climate change conspirators .  Of course , as usual you will need to fill in your time slot with a musical interlude ( it's too hard to write a full five minutes of content yourself , obviously ) . 

So Rowan , here's an idea for some music you can pirate .   You could run with the song by Josh Groban  titled "  Try to Remember " .  which has the following lines . 

                  Deep in December , it's nice to remember ,                                                                                                       The fire of September , that made you mellow  . 

And better still, you could use the version sung by Harry Belafonte .  Mr Belafonte  is a person of colour , as they say these days , and you could run the clip after one of young Andy Bolt's shows just to show that not everybody at Sky News is a racist .   It's a bit cruel perhaps , but Andy's days at Sky News  are numbered  now he is on the grog  , and it will make no difference to his fate if you use him as a foothold while you advance your own career . 

Think it over . 

Your comrade, Ken .

 

Reference :- Controversial coal mining company Adani has been renamed .

Reference :-   Adani has decided to change their company name to " Bravus ".   It's a real problem for protesters who have spent hard earned money on anti - Adani signs  and banners . 

The Sky Reply team has been forced to throw all their anti - Adani protest signs into the recycling bin .  The slick marketing gurus at Adani have decided on a name change , and they have chosen  " Bravus " .  They have explained  that the word is Latin for brave , and they also like the suffix " us " which makes them sound like part of the community .  

Embarrassingly the slick marketing gurus must have skipped their Latin classes at school , since the word  "bravus "  is actually latin for "crooked' and "mercenary' .   I guess if they were already skipping classes on ecology and ethics , why would they bother yawning their way through Latin lessons ? 

Ken junior said he reckons most folk would have no idea regarding the correct Latin translation , but wondered why Adani  would even bother to go to all the expense of changing  their name . 

Monte said he thought it was a cunning strategy , like when the cops caught a chap who ran crooked poker games out the back of the Kooralya pub .  The cheat just moved to another town , changed his name , and went back to running crooked poker games .

Gabbo  reckons Adani , I mean Bravus , could still save face without resorting to another name change . Each time we play scrabble Gabbo always beats us with Aboriginal words we have never heard of . He reckons  Adani should say that they are paying respect to the traditional owners of the land they are mining by renaming the company  " Bravus " which is  an Aboriginal word . 

That certainly would deflect attention from the ignoble Latin translation . But I noticed that  Gabbo had a bit of a look about him . "

 " Is 'bravus ' really an Aboriginal word ? "  , I said 

 " Of course it is .  It's a word from the Dreamtime . "  , Gabbo said 

 " What does it mean ? "  , I said 

 " It's hard to give a precise translation into white man's  language ." , Gabbo said . 

 " Try anyway " , I said 

 " The closest would be  ' a thieving pack of lying money grubbing capitalist pricks ' . " , Gabbo said . 

   " Bravus ad mortem " , I said   

(  It's surprising how much of one's school Latin is still useful .) 

  Your comrade , Ken .

 

 

     

 

Reference :- Attorney- General Mr Christian Porter has been a naughty boy .

Reference :-   Four Corners highlighted Mr Christian Porter's  smutty behavior. Was that fair ?  We certainly don't tolerate smutty innuendo out here in Kooralya . 

Even if it is true that Mr Porter said he was going to smut his way through Law School , is that important now ?   Even if it is true that Mr Porter gets on the booze and hits on women ( or the other way around ) now that he is Attorney-General , does that matter ?   We need only look at the wonderful legacy of former Minister for the Arts , Sir Les Patterson , to realise that a chap should not hold back when he is allowed access to the "privileges " of high office .   As Sir Les would say " Are you with me son ? "

As far as I am concerned the media are only taking advantage of their position so that they can give Mr Porter a thorough rogering .   It's just a pathetic power game . 

Anyway , Ken junior has some interesting news from here in Kooralya  .  Apparently Keith , who manages  the pub , has been having an intimate relationship with Sandra , the barmaid .  Sandra threatened to tell Keith's wife unless he served her family with free beers on Friday nights . That soon became free beers and free counter meals . Then she wanted him to sign extra hours on her pay slip. If he hadn't had that knocked on the head she would probably have got him to buy her paddock next to the carpark at an inflated price or ask for donations to her sports club .   It surprises me that Keith could come at that sort of thing , but it wasn't his money I guess . Eventually the owners found out , when the books didn't balance , and now Keith is in trouble  .  

The owners haven't discharged him completely , but they are getting another manager in . Keith was demoted to part time and now has to work the bar himself , and Sandra has been given the sack.  It must be demoralizing for poor Keith to lose the head job like that , and limp off to semi-retirement prematurely , but I am confident he will eventually harden up. 

 People sure do silly things.   Sometimes what goes on sounds like the script from an old "Carry On "movie to me , but at  least we can rely on the privileged elite to maintain standards . 

 

Your comrade, Ken

 

Reference:- The Sky Reply team offers their condolences to Sky News anchor Peta Credlin

Reference :-   How unfortunate that the release of Peta Credlin's debut in the movie industry with " Deadly Decisions " coincided with the elimination of COVID 19 cases in Victoria . 

That was shockingly  bad luck Peta .  The promo shot was brilliant , John Carpenter himself would have approved  , although drips falling from the blood red lettering in the title would have been a nice touch . The scary music and the unsettling camera angles were also top shelf as far as I am concerned .  Its just a shame that Victoria's efforts to crush the pandemic actually worked . It is one of the few places in the world that has stopped the spread of the dread contagion .  And furthermore , the recently released  interim report from the inquiry into the failed hotel quarantine does not lay any blame at the feet of  Victorian Premier Mr Daniel Andrews   ( AKA at Sky News as Comrade Andrews , Loser Andrews , No plan Dan , Chairman Andrews etc , because  he deserves no better . People who speak clearly , politely and intelligently under pressure can be very annoying. )

Anyway , keep your chin up. If nothing else you have learned a lot , and the music could be used when you make another of your scary short films .   If you like , The Sky Reply could send in a nomination so your next effort appears at the annual Saturn Awards for horror movies .   It's the least we can do . 

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Pugnacious Sky News anchor , Chris Kenny , told us that almost nobody wants a Royal Commission into the Media .

Reference :-  To paraphrase  the author of " The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy " , Douglas Adams ,  " This must be a new usage of the word ' nobody ' with which I am not familiar  ".   

Top of the morning to you Chris .   As you say " the ABC , green left politicians and News Corp's media competitors are eager for a Royal Commission into the media ".   No argument there , but you suggested that nobody else was interested , which is not entirely correct .  If you check out the government web site you will find that well over half a million concerned citizens have also signed the petition .   Not quite nobody Chris .   The petition is one of the most strongly supported of all time , and by far the most strongly supported in recent years . 

Don't feel bad about being spectacularly wrong , you are the kind of man who readily admits his mistakes , and I have told the lads here at The Sky Reply that you had not intended to mislead anybody . 

Anyway , here's a tip.  Since the Murdoch media empire is so powerful , why not get Rupert to parley with Mr Morrison ( preferably on an untappable phone ) and have the whole call for an inquiry scuttled   . It wouldn't be hard , and Sky News could reinforce Mr Morrison's position by stating that "nobody "wanted taxpayers money wasted on another incompetent inquiry administered by overpaid bureaucrats .  

There is no cause for concern with all this Chris ,  the petition is "mostly harmless " so "don't panic" . 

Your comrade , Ken