Reference :- Two members of the Israeli Defense Force were recently refused visas to visit Australia.

 Reference :-   Two members of the IDF had to leave Australia without attending their grandmother's 100th birthday.  Australian authorities have been accused of antisemitism .

Dear Aggrieved IDF members , 

It must be a great disappointment , travelling across the globe for a family celebration , only to be told to bugger off and go home .  As an Australian , I feel a duty to offer my heartfelt apologies for your inhumane treatment by our government .  Governments have no right to restrict the travel of ordinary citizens , or tell them where to go.   Except , of course , in Gaza and the West Bank , but that is a very different situation .  You never know what a five year old Palestinian child might do if you let them visit their grandmother whenever they liked .... or a school .....or a hospital ..... or the bombed out remains of their home . 

It must have been humiliating when you were asked to fill out a 13 page questionnaire in some ghastly little air-conditioned office at immigration control .  But look on the bright side , at least you were not being tortured to death in that Negev Desert prison facility where you guys detain human animals for years without trial .   And look , I am not being critical here , Israel has the right to run its prisons as it pleases ( within the rules of International Law obviously) , I am simply pointing out how fortunate you are that Australia currently cannot afford to run a similar facility .  Especially since , unlike Israel , we don't get funded to the tune of billions by struggling taxpayers  in the USA .

But lest you allow your disappointment to cloud your better judgement , let me offer some advice , if that is not too presumptuous .  Whatever you do , don't ask silly questions with obvious answers .  It deprives you of dignity .

 For example , you shouldn't have asked   " Why are we being treated by friendly allies as war criminals ? "  , since the obvious answer is .... because you are suspected of involvement in war crimes .  That was what the grueling 13 page questionnaire was all about .... remember ?

Furthermore , you should ask your news media back home to cease making outlandish statements which damage your credibility .  These days anybody with a mobile phone can fact check propaganda , so when the Israeli media accuses the Australian government of antisemitism because they are denying  Jewish people entry to the Antipodes , one can readily access the figures that show more than 11,000 Jewish folk have been granted visas in the past 12 months .

Back in the land that God promised you  ( and where you can safely live free of war crimes accusations ) , your former Justice Minister Ayelet Shaked is also miffed because she was denied an Australian visa .  She may well be willing to have a cuppa with you to discuss your shared experience .   If you do get the chance for a chinwag with her , you could ( very politely ) suggest that calling the Australian Government " anti-Israeli , extreme pro-Palestinian , with elements of antisemitism " , and saying " these are dark days for Australian democracy ; they have chosen the wrong side of history  . " is no way to win friends at the Aussie visa desk . 

Anyway guys , stay calm . This is why you have your own country , so you have somewhere to go when you are unceremoniously kicked out of some dark hellhole of a country that festers on the wrong side of history .  

Your comrade , Ken . 

PS. I hope your siblings ( the four whose visa applications were straightforward ) enjoyed your grandmother's birthday and their stay in Australia .  

 

 

Reference:- Young folk here in Australia are being recruited by the Israeli Defense Force ( IDF ) .

Reference :- Perhaps these idealistic recruits  should check the Australian Criminal Code  before jaunting off to Israel to serve in the IDF . 

Dear Idealistic Young Recruits of Australia , 

                                                                          Good on you , I say , for supporting  the " Rules Based International Order " of which we are all so proud .  Doubtless you are heading off to the Cradle of Civilisation , there in the Levant , eager to fight for justice , freedom , and human dignity .  But one must always be fully aware of what one is becoming a party to , lest one be unprepared for blowback in the future . 

For old codgers like me , the future is a short prospect , but you young ones have decades of life ahead . You might plan to one day settle in the leafy burbs of  Oz , with a comely spouse, a good job , and   perhaps raise a couple of offspring .  This is certainly the place to embark upon such an enterprise , what with the absence of bombing , shooting , starvation and forced displacement . Furthermore we have excellent hospitals where the amputation of children's limbs sans anesthesia or antibiotics is almost unheard of these days . 

The opportunities on offer for you here in Oz are priceless , and one should not place them in peril without a full understanding of the risks. 

Boring though it may be , we have a legal thingy here called :-

" The Commonwealth Criminal Code  Act 1995 " .  

Section 119.4 states that travel to a foreign country ( I think Israel counts as a foreign country ) for the purpose of engaging in hostile activities is a criminal offense punishable by life imprisonment .  That sure would muck up any plans you may have for your return to Oz . 

Furthermore , Section 119.7 states that recruiting somebody to serve in any capacity in the armed force of another country is also a criminal act punishable by life imprisonment . 

The fact that both the Prime Minister of Israel , Mr Netanyahu , and his former head of the military , Mr Gallant   , have been indicted for war crimes is further cause for concern . It hardly helps one's cries of innocence if the people one has been enthusiastically helping turn out to be appalling war criminals .

Now , don't panic .  There are sensible ways to minimize the risk of throwing your life away .  And I don't mean by having your legs blown off fighting those human animals called  Hamas .     I refer to the likelihood that you will be arrested , perhaps in twenty years  ( you know , like a Nazi in Argentina ) , brought to trial  , and locked away for good . 

Ken junior is more your age , so I have asked him to provide some advice , since you will relate to him more readily . He has offered tips , based on what he has seen thus far , and here they are . 

1.  Don't talk anybody else into joining you , lest you breach Section 119.7 of the criminal code . 

2.  If you can't resist dressing up in the underwear of murdered Palestinian women  , don't take videos . 

3.  If you must  play with the toys of murdered children or ride their trikes , don't take videos . 

4. If you torture doctors and smash life saving hospital equipment , don't take videos . 

5.  If you blow up Universities , don't take videos . 

6.  If you dress Israeli children as Palestinians and smear them with fake blood for a joke, don't take videos  . 

7.  If you shoot and kill surrendering Israeli hostages , don't take videos . 

8.  If you run a sniping competition to see who can shoot the most unarmed Palestinians in one day don't say that children should count for more points because they make smaller targets. And don't take videos . 

9.  If you crack jokes saying that it doesn't matter about destroying Palestinian schools because all the children are dead , don't take videos . 

10. If you rape Palestinian prisoners in the Sde Teiman detention camp in the Negev Desert , perforating their bowels in the process , don't take videos . 

Those are Ken junior's ten best tips . 

I would add , if you don't want to spend the rest of your life worrying that the long arm of the law could drag you to prison at any moment , then don't go ! 

There are endless ways to support genocide without risking death or jail . Why not do some fundraising ? At a local gun club perhaps ?  

Or maybe start a blog . You would be amazed by how many people read them . 

Your comrade , Ken . 

PS .  Our local defense forces are suffering from a shortage of recruits . That might make our socialist government more inclined to press charges against those with questionable loyalty .  So perhaps a career in the military here might be a better option .  Surely one day they will let you shoot somebody .

 

Reference :- Former radio shock jock and Sky News presenter , Alan Jones , is facing charges of sexual misconduct .

Reference :-  Sky News has not given much air time to the Alan Jones story . 

Dear Alan , 

                    What a disgrace our media have become .  Apart from your old employer , Sky News , the vultures in the mainstream media have been feasting on stories about your alleged misconduct .   But as your compadre and soul mate , Peta Credlin , so brilliantly stated  " in this country you are innocent until proven guilty "  . Good on her for showing such strong support . She further stated that she had associated with you in " many contexts "  .  No doubt many others have, and I daresay the courts will be hearing from them too , so you have nothing to worry about . 

It was with great disappointment that I watched young Andrew Bolt's guarded response to those vile allegations . But Andy has never been a team player like you .   Remember how he dropped poor Chris Smith like a hot spud ...... and  then watched gleefully as Chris was carted off to the loony bin after allegedly pulling his pecker out at that Sky News Christmas party ?   

So while you may find the lack of support displayed by the Sky News crew  disappointing ,  don't let it get to you .  The Alan Jones we learned to love would tell them all to  " get stuffed   " , and that is what you should do now . 

 Should you find yourself incarcerated for an interminable time in some cold cell devoid of comfort or a TV set , be sure to take a few books with you .  The wheels of justice turn slowly , as we know . 

  For a light witty read , I suggest " The Unexpurgated Code " by J P Donleavy .  On page 43 the chapter headed " Upon the Sudden Reawakening of Your Sordid Background "  will have you in stitches with laughter .   And furthermore , contains useful tips  regarding the denial of scandalous accusations . 

We live in a shallow society where folk are all too ready to believe the worst of a chap , especially a colorful local identity like yourself .    But stay chipper , as always you have plenty of dedicated supporters at your back .

Your comrade , Ken 

 

 

Reference:- The definition of anti-semitism is rapidly changing . Perhaps you too are now classified as an antisemite ?

 Reference : -  Answer our simple questionnaire to discover whether you are now a bona fide antisemite .

For each of the following questions simply answer  ' Yes " or " No " . 

1 .   Do you think that the International Criminal Court has any credibility ?  

2.    Are there any innocents among the dead in Gaza ? 

3.   Was the recent soccer hooligan violence in Amsterdam  partly initiated by Israeli team supporters?  

4.   Is it absurd to say that 45,000 slaughtered Gazans were used by Hamas as human shields . 

5.   Have any Palestinians been imprisoned unreasonably or tortured ? 

6.   Do you ever question the description of the IDF as the most ethical army in the world ? 

7 .  Do you think killing Palestinians in the West Bank and taking their land violates international law ?

8.   Can any country justify not supporting Israel with weapons in it's hour of need ? 

9.   Do you think that starting wars with Lebanon and Iran may be unwise  ? 

10.  And lastly , thinking of the timely sex crime allegations against Karin Khan , the ICC chief prosecutor  , do you think those accusations could possibly be untrue if Mossad made them ?

For each question score zero points if you answered " no " . 

For each question score one point if you answered "yes " . 

Clearly the minimum score is zero , and the maximum score is 10 . 

If you scored 1 or higher , you are an appalling antisemite . 

You may be able to redeem yourself by the following measures . 

A.  Read the book  " The Diary of Anne Frank " 

B.  Watch Paul Newman in the movie " Exodus " 

C  Watch the movie " Schindler's List " . 

D. Watch Mr Netanyahu's recent speech to the USA Congress , complete with 58 standing ovations .

If after taking these measures you answer the questionaire again , and still score 1 or more , you should hang your head in shame . 

Also , it might be wise to engage the services of a good lawyer . You never know when somebody you  don't recognise might confront you noisily in a public place screeching scandalous accusations of disgraceful sexual misconduct committed in a past decade scarcely remembered .  

You have been warned .   

Have a nice day , 

Your comrade , Ken

Reference:- What is the so called "political spectrum "?

Reference :-  We hear so much about "leftists "  and " the right " .  But we seldom hear a definition of these terms . 

We were chowing down on our cornflakes this morning , watching the news on the tele ,  when Ken junior brought up the topic of politics .   Out of the blue , just like that , Ken junior posed a tricky question . 

"  What is a Leftist ? " ,  Ken junior said . 

"  They are your commies and socialists . " ,  I said . 

"  What is their manifesto ? " , Ken junior said . 

" They want to rule the world , oppose free speech , and their evil dictatorships killed millions of innocents " , I said . 

" Did they have any famous leaders ? " , Ken junior said . 

" Stalin in Russia , Mao Zedong in  China , Pol Pot in Cambodia  " , I said .

Ken junior scraped the last few soggy cornflakes out of his bowl . 

" So if they are the poster boys of the left , did they believe in gay marriage , free medical care , equal pay for women , abortion rights , preferred pronouns , gender reassignment surgery , renewable energy , and environmentalism ? " , Ken junior said . 

At this stage Gabbo interrupted .  

" I don't think so . " Gabbo said . 

" So what is the manifesto of the " right " ? ,  Ken junior said . 

" The " right " believes in individual freedom , the rule of law , peace , the ability of everybody to enjoy the prosperity offered by the capitalist system  and democracy "  ,  I said . 

"  That sounds great . Does the the " right " have poster boys too ? " , Ken junior said . 

Gabbo interrupted again . 

 "  Famous poster boys of the right include  Mussolini , Hitler and Franco " , Gabbo said . 

" Did they believe in free speech , peace , democratic elections , and  the rule of law " , Ken junior said , 

"  They wanted to rule the world , opposed free speech , and their evil dictatorships killed millions of people . " ,  Gabbo said . 

"  I am confused . " Ken junior said . 

" For the love of God , Gabbo , stop confusing Ken junior. " , I said . 

" Can't you think of a simple definition ? " Ken junior said . 

Gabbo thought for awhile . 

  "   Alright , how about this ?  I will write  it down and put it on the fridge door with one of those Kooralya Pub fridge magnets  . " ,  Gabbo said . 

Gabbo wrote his definition in a notepad , tore out the page , and  stuck it on the fridge door beside Monte's picture of a 650 Yamaha doing a wheelie . 

  It reads :- 

     Left wing politicians are any politicians that right wing politicians despise  . 

     Right wing politicians are any politicians that left wing politicians despise . 

 I am glad Gabbo has cleared that up for us . 

Your comrade , Ken .

 

Reference :- Australia's ABC Journalist , David Speers , interviewed former Australian Prime Minister , Scott Morrison .

 Reference :-   Former Australian P.M. ,  Mr Scott Morrison , gave his opinion regarding the outcome of the USA election . 

Dear Mr Morrison ,

                                     Well done Sir , I say , well done . Out of an eight minute interview you dedicated a generous two minutes to discussing the topic ( as a polite gesture  ) ,  before launching into a six minute advertisement for your employer , American Global Strategies . Those Global Strategy guys can hardly expect to impress their shareholders unless we Aussies fear a major conflict with China , and your job relies upon such fear .   You sure managed to ramp that up during your interview . And to those who object to your buddying up with warmongers , I simply say this . Christopher Pyne and Julie Bishop have done the same , and who is complaining about that ? 

 It is impressive , Mr Morrison , that you now count Mr Mike Pompeo and Mr Robert O'Brien among your friends . If anybody knows how to start a war those guys do . And nothing makes money like a war ..... or at least the fear of war , however unlikely  . 

Anyway Mr Morrison , keep up the good work . But I must warn you that there is talk at home of your name appearing in the re-opened inquiry into that Robot Debt fiasco .  It seems unfair that you should be pursued until the end of time for a minor error that caused a few deaths . You must feel like Adolf Eichmann .  Take my advice and be sure to skim as much moola out of arms sales as you can .  The Aussie taxpayer will be shelling out billions for that dodgy AUKUS deal , so make sure your snout is deep in the trough .  You might need the cash to pay for the necessary silks to get you off an eventual criminal charge related to Robot Debt .  ( You know , perjury , that sort of thing.  )    But please , don't let such ruminations cause you any sleepless nights . 

Your comrade  , 

Ken

Reference :- Israeli Prime Minister , Mr Netanyahu , is finding that many soldiers in the Israeli Defense Force are reluctant to return to Northern Gaza .

 Reference:-  Nobody enjoys repeating a job that they thought they had completed weeks ago . 

Dear Mr Netanyahu , 

                                   It sure is becoming tedious , this war in Gaza.  And now you have to find some way to incentivise soldiers who are loath to return to the battlefield in the North , which has become re-infested with returning locals ...... I mean evil terrorists .  As an older chap , I cannot imagine what would entice  me to risk life and limb in a labyrinth of unwinnable urban warfare .  Fortunately I can rely on Ken junior , callow youth as he is , for suggestions . He belongs to the same age group as those who are fighting for the survival of the State of Israel , so his advice is likely to be pertinent . 

 Ken junior reckons that your soldiers seemed very pleased with themselves during the early stages of the war .  He says that there are dozens of posts from the early days visible on those so called " social media sites " , with photos (and even little movies  ) of chaps having a rip roaring time .  You know , raiding pantries, blowing up universities , trashing houses ,  crushing all sorts of civilian goods and chattels under tank tracks and the like . In particular Ken junior reckons the most fun was had when soldiers dressed up in stolen women's underwear , and smashed children's toys  ( dolls and so on ) to smithereens .  

It must be disappointing for soldiers to return only to find Gaza so ruined that there are no undies or toys to relax with after a stressful day shooting anything that moves . 

Ken junior reckons that a few planeloads of saucy lingerie and baby dolls dropped into  the conflict zone would cheers the lads up no end . Maybe a few tricycles as well .  Such items are cheap as chips compared with the cost of 2000 pound bombs , and you might be surprised by how much they lift morale .  

Personally , I think the stench of rotting corpses is probably a bit off putting for some .  Incense sticks might provide useful aromatherapy for soldiers  camping overnight .   Fortunately close to half of the corpses are children , and they will decompose faster than the adults , so don't over-order the frankincense and myrrh , which is what I believe you people favour in the Levant . 

( Ken junior tells me the frankincense and myrrh reference is from the New Testament , which Zionists don't take as gospel , so to speak .  But I reckon that perfumey stuff must have been around way back during the reign of King David . There were plenty of rotting corpses in those days too , by all accounts . )

Your comrade ,

Ken 

PS .  Don't let your soldiers film themselves larking about this time . The International Criminal Court is run by a humorless bunch of old pettiffoggers who can't take a joke . Nobody wants to be arrested while holidaying in other climes , like that poor young  IDF soldier Moche Avichzer . Last I heard he had been arrested  in Morocco after sharing a few photos of his activities in Gaza with the locals . Who would have guessed  that Morocco would be full of self -righteous wowsers ?