Reference:- Corpulent Sky News presenter , Paul Murray , tells us that the Treasurer will release his" fake budget " on Tuesday evening .

Reference :-   We all look forward to Paul Murray's insightful and unbiased analysis of tomorrow's federal budget speech . 

Dear Paul , 

                     There's not much time left in which to write your budget analysis , but that is no problem for a journalist of your standing .   Clearly you don't have to hear the budget speech before responding it . Some commentators have described it as the most leaked budget in history  , but even if it had not been leaked you would still be able to write your detailed analysis well prior to it's release . 

Nonetheless , in case you are pressed for time , here are a few lines you can run with , inspired by  previous statements you have made . 

" Talk about a fake budget !  Nothing to see here . This idiot Chalmers needs to pull his horns in and make the big brave decisions . Nobody believes his garbage about the floods and the war in Ukraine contributing to rising living costs,  or the fallacies and spin he used to blame the coalition for the mess the lefties have made of the economy in just a few months . We told you on this show that this would happen , and now the wankers are telling us that the inflation rate will magically fall just in time for the next election .   Give me a break ! "    

This will have more impact if you feign masturbation and laugh at the end of your delivery ... something of a trademark of yours that will require no practice . 

You can use this without consideration for copyright , although we would appreciate an acknowledgement should it feature at the Walkley Awards . 

Your comrade , Ken 

 

Reference :- Sky News will soon be featuring a special report by Peta Credlin .

Reference:-  Peta Credlin will soon release the sequel to her unforgettable 2020 documentary " Deadly Decisions ".  We can hardly wait . 

Dear Peta, 

                         That " documentary " you ran back in 2020 , in which you pilloried the Premier of Victoria , sure vanished into obscurity mighty fast .  And according to the polls , Premier Andrews  ( AKA " Dangerous Dan "  or " Comrade Dan " at Sky News ) has an almost two thirds approval rating at present ... probably some sort of record . How soon people forget , hey Peta.   

I asked the lads at The Sky Reply if they remembered your first effort at destroying Mr Andrews' reputation . 

" Do you lads remember Peta Credlin's first effort at destroying Mr Andrews'  reputation ? " , I said . 

" What was that ? " , Ken junior said . 

" You know . It had creepy music and sinister voice overs . " , I said . 

" Can't place it ." , Monte said . 

" She called it Deadly Decisions " , I said . 

" Wasn't that a horror flick starring Glenn Close ? ", Gabbo said . 

" No.  ", I said . 

" Oh , wait on . Now I remember . That was the expose she started by telling a blatant lie . How come she was never sued for that ? " , Ken junior said . 

 " Yeah , well I bet she relies on better research this time . " , I said . 

Anyway Peta , my point is this .  Being a busy lady you probably haven't noticed that there is an election coming up in Victoria in a few weeks , so it is vital that your sequel to the Daniel Andrews revelations doesn't flop horrendously , like your first effort .  For the love of God , don't destroy your credibility at the very start of the show by telling a blatant lie that anybody can fact check on the interweb .  Make sure your research team is up to speed . 

Also , I would avoid using the tired cliche " Stockholm Syndrome " . Let your comrade Paul Murray run with that , it better befits his particular intellect , if you get my drift . 

Gabbo reckons you shouldn't wear the same red clobber you wore in "Dangerous Decisions " , since it might remind folk of that sad failure .  He suggests perhaps a coat made from 101 Dalmations , whatever that means . 

Please don't stuff up.  You fought so bravely against the foes of Scott Morrison , and Donald Trump , and Boris Johnson , and  Tony Abbott , and Christian Porter et al .  All to no avail . 

You are overdue for a win . 

Your comrade , Ken 

Reference:- The big man of Sky News , Paul Murray , expressed reservations regarding the Ukranian president's recent actions .

Reference :-   President Zelensky appears to be a  " Star Wars " fan . 

 

Dear Paul , 

                      As the world hovers on the brink of nuclear apocalypse , seemingly small but nonetheless telling news items are often overlooked by the mainstream media .   Thankfully we can rely on Sky News to keep us informed, and your interview with that Luke Skywalker chap was fascinating .

Personally I was too old when those " Star Wars " movies hit the big screen , and in any case the local drive -in theatre had closed by then .  The last movie night at the Kooralya  Drive -In featured a John Wayne western . It was quite entertaining , although the lavish advertisements for Peter Stuyvesant cigarettes were always the best part of a night at the drive- in . 

Stanley , who owned the drive -in , eventually shut the place down . Too many people , after drinking a six pack and puffing  a packet of cigarettes ( "tens"  in those days ) during the show would drive off without disconnecting the speaker from the window , tearing the bloody cable off .   His bottom line copped a flogging because of this . And when somebody tried to sue him for damages because a torn cable had scratched the paint on his new Holden Brougham , Stanley pulled the pin and retired .  

A property developer from the big smoke bought up the land , and by sheer good luck , the Mayor approved a re-zoning and the old drive-in is a now a suburb fully crammed with affordable housing . As a tribute to Stanley , the suburb is called Cinema Heights .  They even named one of the streets Duke St , to honour  John Wayne . 

Anyway Paul , sorry for digressing .

 It was very interesting to hear that the Ukranian  president , a former actor himself , has asked actor Mark Hamill ( AKA Luke Skywalker )  to be his " Ambassador of Drones ".   Mr Hamill is flattered by the honour , saying he sees himself as a " court jester " rather than a military strategist , but I am sure he is just being modest .  All you need do is look at the likes of Ronald Reagan to see that actors have always had a crucial  role to play in geopolitics , especially when the world is on the brink of nuclear Armageddon . 

I reckon you should cut Mr Zelenski some slack  , I am sure he knows what he is doing .  Anybody who can become a multi-millionaire on a Ukrainian president's salary of 15 thousand quid a year must be pretty smart I reckon .   The Mayor out here in Kooralya is smart like that. He is worth a fortune despite the fact that his Mayor's salary is measly by any standard . 

Keep an open mind Paul . Also , Ken junior says you should have your High Density Lipoproteins  checked , whatever they are . 

Your comrade , Ken . 

    

Reference :- Sky News anchor , Andy Bolt , occasionally raises a topic that he has not adequately researched .

Reference :- Young Andy Bolt relentlessly promotes fossil fuels.  He is not a fan of electric cars . 

Dear Andy , 

                      You have put me in a difficult situation here at the  Sky Reply .  And it's all on account of your interview with that Richard Blackburn chap.   I am sure you don't need me to remind you about it , but here is a brief precis of the details. 

Mr Blackburn explained to us that it will cost 47,000 quid to replace the battery pack in an electric car when it is 8 years old .  He also explained that manufacturers were being secretive about this , for fear of losing customers . 

Well Andy, I always assume that I can trust you to do your research .  You are not the type to rush something to air without checking the facts just because it supports your ideology . But it saddens me to say that you really goofed this time .  

Here at the Sky Reply , the lads were all over this story like a dose of monkey pox.  Ken junior reminded me that Mr Blackburn , a former News Corp journalist ,  had admitted that he had only corresponded with two manufacturers .  This , Mr Blackburn said , was because electric vehicle manufacturers were being secretive and would not reply to his letters . 

Monte suggested that some manufacturers might be hesitant to correspond with a former News Corp hack for fear of being associated with some sensationalist tabloid fake news fiasco .  Gabbo , practical as always , suggested that we consult the interweb and look up battery prices  . This proved to be simple enough , and  it turns out that a typical figure is around five thousand quid  . With the refund for returning the old battery , that could come down to below four thousand , or less than a tenth of what was suggested on your show . 

Ken junior then said that Mr Blackburn had told us the 47,000 quid quoted on your show was for the fitting of a new battery pack to a Lexus ,which is a very expensive vehicle . Ken junior  said you might just as well say that since an engine rebuild for a petrol driven Ferrari costs eighty thousand quid , nobody could afford to replace the petrol engine in their Hyundai . 

Much and all as I would never accuse of you of mendacity , I am disappointed Andy .  The lads at the Sky Reply are at that age, you know , when they question their elders , and they relish every opportunity to laugh at my expense .  They are dancing around the house cracking jokes about how taxi drivers get half a million kilometers out of their electric cars .  If I try to tell them that taxi drivers don't care how costly it is to run their vehicles , because the passengers pay the bills , they accuse me of not believing in the efficiency of " the market " , whatever the hell that means . 

 Please be diligent with your research in future Andy . 

Your comrade,  Ken

Reference :- Britain is starting on the road to economic recovery by giving tax cuts to the rich , and removing the ceiling on banker's bonuses .

 Reference :-   Just when we thought " trickle down economics " had finally been discredited , Sky News is singing it's praises . 

Dear comrades at Sky News , 

A chap like me , who left school aged twelve to work on the farm , has next to no understanding of economics .   Those financial analysts who report on the Niki Jones and the Dow cash rate for the GDP index really must know their stuff .  

Hearing them talk reminds me of when the priest at the Kooralya church would conduct a service in Latin .   We had no idea what he was saying , but it sure sounded impressive , and well worth a handful of shillings in the collection box . Thankfully the experts at Sky News take the time to explain the mechanics of fiscal and monetary policy using language I can understand , and if you tell me that giving tax cuts and huge bonuses to the rich will cause a  " trickle down " of mazuma to the impoverished , that is good enough for me . 

I explained this useful economic model to cousin Trevor , who lives down on the Gold Coast .  Trev ( as we call him ) has a modest income , and it costs him a lot in freeway tolls and petrol to get to work each day , but at least he has a job .  The other day old Trev, who  has a heart of gold , was saddened by the sight of a homeless chap begging by the side of the road . Trev couldn't stop in the traffic , even though he wanted to help. 

Anyway , after I explained the "trickle down " process , Trev drove to the flashest house he could find in the most expensive suburb and stuffed some cash in their letterbox .  We reckon it won't be long before it lands in the pocket of that poor homeless chap. 

Thanks for giving us the heads up on how economies work and explaining how the average citizen , using their initiative , can do their bit .  I always try to complete financial transactions without involving the banks ....those bastards . 

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- Mainstay journalist at Sky News , Rowan Dean , raised the standard at Sky News with a cutting edge story .

Reference :-  We can trust young Rowan Dean to give us the facts without any sugar coating . 

 

Dear Rowan , 

                             What with all the pointless distractions on the news these days , like war in Ukraine , interest rates raises , and the pommie pound sinking faster than the Lusitania  , we were relieved to find that you are still delivering " news that matters " in Sky News tradition . 

We refer , of course , to your in-depth analysis of the the new chocolate M and M that has been thrust upon the market while nobody is paying attention .  This purple disgrace , you tell us , has been added to the cast of M and M characters to represent  " acceptance and inclusivity ".    If you hadn't spread the word , many of us would have chowed down on the ghastly woke confection without realising . 

I mean honestly , who on earth could believe that " acceptance and inclusivity " are likely to achieve anything in this divided world ?   Gandhi used to bang on about that rubbish all the time , and I ask you Rowan , where did that get him ?  That's right , shot to death in the street like a rabid dog , that's where . 

Anyway , keep up the good work .  It's clear to those of us who still have a few synapses sparking that the elite are trying to distract us from the real news by paying the commercial media to sensationalise stories of little significance .  They would have free rein to do anything to our chocolate confectionery were it not for the dedicated few , like yourself , who hold true to their professional ethics and refuse to be bought .

If the M and M people want to add another character to their  cast , I reckon they should do a big fat male one in expensive shoes smoking a cuban cigar . They could call him " Freemarket M and M " , and he would represent the success of neoliberalism and the western capitalist system .  Naturally he would be made from white chocolate , and if anyone objected they could be accused of being non-inclusive . 

Ken junior has actually designed  an " Austerity M and M  " , all dressed in rags with bare feet .  But I told him it wouldn't sell well , dark chocolate is not very popular . 

Your comrade , Ken 

 

Reference :- Sky News anchor Andy Bolt terminated an interview with one of his guests rather abruptly .

 Reference :-    Washington correspondent for " The Australian " newspaper , Adam Creighton , didn't quite follow the expected narrative during an interview with Andy Bolt about the North Sea gas pipeline sabotage .  

Dear Andy , 

                       These are indeed tough times . Not just for you , but also for your comrades like  Paul Murray , and Peta  Credlin et al.   The problem is this .  Increasing,  many of those in the know , from either side of the so called political divide ,  don't agree with the Sky News narrative . Whether it be climate change , the economy , the war in Ukraine  or whatever , it is becoming difficult for you to find credible experts who share your rationally formulated views . 

From now on you must be very wary, and choose your experts carefully .  You should dust Adam Creighton for starters .  Thank merciful Odin you cut him short before he said too much . It was bad enough when he pointed out that Mr Putin would have no motive for scuttling his own gas pipeline assets ( worth a cool 20 billion quid ) .  And even worse when Adam suggested doing so would deprive Mr Putin of his best tool for negotiating a compromise in Eastern Ukraine . 

But for the love of God , he then went on to suggest that Ukraine might have a strong motive for those underwater detonations , claiming that those running Ukraine  might not want Mr Putin to offer gas to the West in exchange for a compromise in the East .  You  certainly did the right thing by joking about conspiracy theories and cutting him off . What else could you do ? 

As we all know , this Ukraine war is a very simple thing , with no complications .   There are good guys , and there are bad guys .   Obviously we are the good guys and Mr Putin's scurvy crew , who started a war without provocation , are the bad guys .  If a bad thing happens , and this pipeline trashing is indeed a bad thing , then there is no doubt that the bad guys are responsible . 

The last thing we need is some overpaid international journalist complicating the narrative and confusing the average punter . 

One last thing . You must avoid reference to the environment when expressing horror at the wilful destruction .  We all know the atmosphere is doing just fine .  A few hundred thousand tons of methane seeping into the firmament is neither here nor there , so let's not give the crazy green left more ammunition for their scaremongering . 

Your comrade , Ken