Reference:- Maintaining one's position as a media star requires constant vigilance .
Dear Peta ,
I am sure that you don't need the lads at the Sky Reply to tell you that your viewer numbers are falling faster than ..... a really fast thing . We certainly don't want to see you vanish into the barren lands of obscurity where your old comrades Mr Morrison and his close knit team of Tories now dwell . You did your best to save them , but that fight is over and now you must save yourself . These are tough times for you , and we feel an obligation to offer some tactfully worded advice .
Ken junior reckons the main problem is that you seem bitter and cynical and leave your audience devoid of hope .
Gabbo suggests that you should eschew interviews with clueless fear mongering propaganda merchants .
Monte thinks that your penchant for gloating when somebody you despise ( Daniel Andrews for example ) faces a setback , is unbecoming for a woman of your age .
For my part , I believe that those are petty criticisms . All you need to do is smile from time to time . If you watch yourself on you tube you will notice that you have developed a tendency to grimace . The combination of thin lipped grimace and overly blackened eyebrows does evoke images of one of the less likeable characters from a Wallace and Gromitt episode .
I am sure it will pay dividends if you soften your eyebrows and learn to fake a convincing smile . If you merely do that , you will be able to bang on about anything you like and folk won't be as inclined to reach for their remotes .
I hope you don't mind the feedback . A couple of years back we suggested that your comrade Rowan Dean change his wild hairdo so that he didn't look like part of the lunatic fringe . And as you know , young Rowan's career has progressed in leaps and bounds since he tidied his coiffure .
We look forward to seeing the "new you " grace our tele screen .
Your comrade , Ken
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