Reference :- According to the matron of Sky News , Peta Credlin , there were " no footnotes " on the Labor Party's promise to cut power bills .

 Reference:-  According to Peta Credlin , a promise is a promise ...and it is that simple. 

Dear Peta , 

                      Indeed , a promise is a promise , and a promise should never be broken .  (Although , the previous federal government did break quite a few ...due to unforseen circumstances ..ahem ... but the less said about that the better .) 

This new socialist government has barely moved in . I daresay they haven't even had time to transfer the electricity and change the locks on the filing cabinets yet, but already they are casting a shadow of doubt over their promised 275 quid cut to power bills .  What a disgrace .   They keep telling us that when the economy was handed back to them it was in worse shape than they had been told . Well we all know what a tired old excuse that is . 

Anyway Peta , we need you and your comrades at Sky News to keep pressing the issue in the hope that us ordinary folk do get our power bills reduced as promised .  We are all finding the cost of living burdensome of late , myself especially,  now that the Ute has broken down .

Ken junior keeps banging on about my promise to lend him the Holden ute  .  He wants to take the barmaid from the Kooralya pub to the beach this weekend , for some reason or other.  I did promise last month that he could borrow it , but when the neighbor gave it back to me yesterday , after borrowing it to tow his horse float , the bloody clutch was burned out .   I told Ken junior this . 

" The bloody clutch is burned out . " , I said . 

" But you promised . ",  Ken junior said . 

" Well it's just too bad . " , I explained . 

" But you promised ! you promised ! you promised ! " , Ken junior wailed . 

Sigh . For a teenager , Ken junior can be very childish with his temper tantrums .  I guess in a few years time he will mature like you and me Peta. 

I did try to console Ken junior 

" Perhaps you and the barmaid could still do whatever you were going to do at the beach without leaving Kooralya ? " ,  I said . 

" Are you trying to have a go at me ? " , Ken junior said . 

Sometimes you just can't win .  

Your comrade , Ken

Reference:- Art loving columnist , Andy Bolt , was sickened at the sight of historic artwork and luxury cars being vandalised by climate activists .

Reference:-   Not everybody feels particularly outraged by the sight of great artwork and luxury cars being vandalised .  But that does not mean they are immune to feelings of outrage per se . 

Dear Andy , 

                           As so often happens , your cutting edge journalism has sparked controversy here at The Sky Reply .  It saddened me to see you become so upset while you watched climate activists deface a great painting by one of those French impresario artist chaps , as I believe they are called .    I mean honestly Andy , what did they expect to achieve ?  At least when we dynamite the world's most unique aboriginal art site into rubble we get a few tons of iron ore and some cash in shareholder's  pockets for the effort . And besides , there are thousands of paintings in museums all over the world , one less isn't going to matter a great deal , so what's the point ?   

We have destroyed uncountable irreplaceable art works in World Wars (just think of what was lost in Dresden alone ) and we still have plenty of antique stuff left ,  so I hardly think a Monet or two is a big deal .   These ridiculous activists won't make a dent in our supply of significant cultural artifacts . 

In fact , I have done some calculations , and if these so called climate activists destroy an artifact  every day it will take them a years just to empty out The Louvre .  The Amazon will be gone , and at the current extinction rate of 70 species per day ( that's the minimum they tell us ) thousands of species will have met their demise long before the last work of art is trashed .  So the activists  have no hope of winning with their childish strategy .  

Even if  (against all the odds ) the human race is among those thousands of species becoming  extinct , there will still be plenty of  paintings and statues and luxury cars around , just nobody to look at them or drive them .

But we will have proved our point  " He who dies with the most toys wins . " , as they say . 

I mentioned this to the lads . 

" He who dies with the most toys wins . " , I said . 

" Wins what ? . " , Gabbo said . 

" That is a stupid question  Gabbo , you idiot .  " , I explained .

Your comrade , Ken 

Reference:- Leader of the opposition , Mr Peter Dutton , warned us of a Labor election promise that is about to be broken .

 Reference :-  Although it has not happened  quite yet , Mr Dutton is probably right about Labor's plan to reduce power bills by 275 quid being scrapped . 

Dear Mr Dutton , 

                              Indeed , it is most likely that Labor will not be in a position to fund the cut in power bills they spruiked during the lead up to the recent election .  As leader of the coalition you are well qualified to comment on broken promises . 

Ken junior , just off the top of head .. like that , rattled off the following list of broken promises he can remember .  

1  .    A billion trees that were supposed to be planted . 

2.     47 commuter car parks that were never built . 

3.    1.3 million jobs that never appeared . 

4.     An integrity commission that was never introduced to Parliament  

5.     A religious discrimination bill that failed . 

6.  A budget surplus that was announced but didn't happen . 

7.   Privacy laws to protect folk on social media that never eventuated . 

8.    A promised five billion quid for disaster relief , most of which is in a bank account earning interest while disaster victims have been waiting  years for assistance . 

I told Ken junior I had heard enough. 

" I have heard enough . ",  I said . 

" I have only just started . ", Ken junior said . 

" Well that's more than enough to discredit the Labor Party . " , I said . 

" Those are promises that the Coalition broke . " , Ken junior said . 

Surely that can't be true ?   Nobody with a history like that would have the gall to castigate the Labor party over a 275 quid cut in electricity bills that may now be doubtful , would they Mr Dutton ? 

That's the trouble with kids , they aren't smart enough to see the big picture . 

Your comrade , Ken

 

Reference:- Last night the treasurer , Mr Chalmers , delivered his budget address.

Reference:-  The Sky News team expressed their disgust with last night's budget address .

Dear Sky News Team , 

                                        We could hardly wait to listen to your astute analysis of the latest budget , since we can always rely on you for a simplified but accurate summary of the key policies . 

For our readers  I have put together , in one short paragraph , the main points from each of the Sky News reporters , as follows :-

 " Chalmers  was out of his depth , and clearly " very nervous " as he arrogantly gave his address without so much as a stutter or a stumble because he cares nought for average Australians who are doing it tough . He showed no restraint at all in spending , which is key to reducing our huge deficit ,  and to make matters worse , he has cut back on spending for cost of living relief because he says excessive spending will make the deficit worse . Mostly his speech was " all smoke and mirrors " and he was " off with the fairies " as he tried to conceal our current economic challenges  . Furthermore  , he showed a complete lack of empathy when he bluntly explained the harsh reality of the current economic situation and warned us that there are hard times ahead ." 

Reading this will let people know where Sky News stands on the key issues  . 

One last thing .   Peta Credlin's demeanor is doing her no favours of late .  At the beginning of her latest segment her face looked like a death mask taken from the corpse of somebody who had died from a Botox overdose .  She needs to lighten up a bit . The socialists have only been in power for a few weeks , and if she remains this bitter ( especially on those occasions when the socialists happen to appear competent ) she will only damage her health . 

Your comrade , Ken .

Reference:- Corpulent Sky News presenter , Paul Murray , tells us that the Treasurer will release his" fake budget " on Tuesday evening .

Reference :-   We all look forward to Paul Murray's insightful and unbiased analysis of tomorrow's federal budget speech . 

Dear Paul , 

                     There's not much time left in which to write your budget analysis , but that is no problem for a journalist of your standing .   Clearly you don't have to hear the budget speech before responding it . Some commentators have described it as the most leaked budget in history  , but even if it had not been leaked you would still be able to write your detailed analysis well prior to it's release . 

Nonetheless , in case you are pressed for time , here are a few lines you can run with , inspired by  previous statements you have made . 

" Talk about a fake budget !  Nothing to see here . This idiot Chalmers needs to pull his horns in and make the big brave decisions . Nobody believes his garbage about the floods and the war in Ukraine contributing to rising living costs,  or the fallacies and spin he used to blame the coalition for the mess the lefties have made of the economy in just a few months . We told you on this show that this would happen , and now the wankers are telling us that the inflation rate will magically fall just in time for the next election .   Give me a break ! "    

This will have more impact if you feign masturbation and laugh at the end of your delivery ... something of a trademark of yours that will require no practice . 

You can use this without consideration for copyright , although we would appreciate an acknowledgement should it feature at the Walkley Awards . 

Your comrade , Ken 

 

Reference :- Sky News will soon be featuring a special report by Peta Credlin .

Reference:-  Peta Credlin will soon release the sequel to her unforgettable 2020 documentary " Deadly Decisions ".  We can hardly wait . 

Dear Peta, 

                         That " documentary " you ran back in 2020 , in which you pilloried the Premier of Victoria , sure vanished into obscurity mighty fast .  And according to the polls , Premier Andrews  ( AKA " Dangerous Dan "  or " Comrade Dan " at Sky News ) has an almost two thirds approval rating at present ... probably some sort of record . How soon people forget , hey Peta.   

I asked the lads at The Sky Reply if they remembered your first effort at destroying Mr Andrews' reputation . 

" Do you lads remember Peta Credlin's first effort at destroying Mr Andrews'  reputation ? " , I said . 

" What was that ? " , Ken junior said . 

" You know . It had creepy music and sinister voice overs . " , I said . 

" Can't place it ." , Monte said . 

" She called it Deadly Decisions " , I said . 

" Wasn't that a horror flick starring Glenn Close ? ", Gabbo said . 

" No.  ", I said . 

" Oh , wait on . Now I remember . That was the expose she started by telling a blatant lie . How come she was never sued for that ? " , Ken junior said . 

 " Yeah , well I bet she relies on better research this time . " , I said . 

Anyway Peta , my point is this .  Being a busy lady you probably haven't noticed that there is an election coming up in Victoria in a few weeks , so it is vital that your sequel to the Daniel Andrews revelations doesn't flop horrendously , like your first effort .  For the love of God , don't destroy your credibility at the very start of the show by telling a blatant lie that anybody can fact check on the interweb .  Make sure your research team is up to speed . 

Also , I would avoid using the tired cliche " Stockholm Syndrome " . Let your comrade Paul Murray run with that , it better befits his particular intellect , if you get my drift . 

Gabbo reckons you shouldn't wear the same red clobber you wore in "Dangerous Decisions " , since it might remind folk of that sad failure .  He suggests perhaps a coat made from 101 Dalmations , whatever that means . 

Please don't stuff up.  You fought so bravely against the foes of Scott Morrison , and Donald Trump , and Boris Johnson , and  Tony Abbott , and Christian Porter et al .  All to no avail . 

You are overdue for a win . 

Your comrade , Ken 

Reference:- The big man of Sky News , Paul Murray , expressed reservations regarding the Ukranian president's recent actions .

Reference :-   President Zelensky appears to be a  " Star Wars " fan . 

 

Dear Paul , 

                      As the world hovers on the brink of nuclear apocalypse , seemingly small but nonetheless telling news items are often overlooked by the mainstream media .   Thankfully we can rely on Sky News to keep us informed, and your interview with that Luke Skywalker chap was fascinating .

Personally I was too old when those " Star Wars " movies hit the big screen , and in any case the local drive -in theatre had closed by then .  The last movie night at the Kooralya  Drive -In featured a John Wayne western . It was quite entertaining , although the lavish advertisements for Peter Stuyvesant cigarettes were always the best part of a night at the drive- in . 

Stanley , who owned the drive -in , eventually shut the place down . Too many people , after drinking a six pack and puffing  a packet of cigarettes ( "tens"  in those days ) during the show would drive off without disconnecting the speaker from the window , tearing the bloody cable off .   His bottom line copped a flogging because of this . And when somebody tried to sue him for damages because a torn cable had scratched the paint on his new Holden Brougham , Stanley pulled the pin and retired .  

A property developer from the big smoke bought up the land , and by sheer good luck , the Mayor approved a re-zoning and the old drive-in is a now a suburb fully crammed with affordable housing . As a tribute to Stanley , the suburb is called Cinema Heights .  They even named one of the streets Duke St , to honour  John Wayne . 

Anyway Paul , sorry for digressing .

 It was very interesting to hear that the Ukranian  president , a former actor himself , has asked actor Mark Hamill ( AKA Luke Skywalker )  to be his " Ambassador of Drones ".   Mr Hamill is flattered by the honour , saying he sees himself as a " court jester " rather than a military strategist , but I am sure he is just being modest .  All you need do is look at the likes of Ronald Reagan to see that actors have always had a crucial  role to play in geopolitics , especially when the world is on the brink of nuclear Armageddon . 

I reckon you should cut Mr Zelenski some slack  , I am sure he knows what he is doing .  Anybody who can become a multi-millionaire on a Ukrainian president's salary of 15 thousand quid a year must be pretty smart I reckon .   The Mayor out here in Kooralya is smart like that. He is worth a fortune despite the fact that his Mayor's salary is measly by any standard . 

Keep an open mind Paul . Also , Ken junior says you should have your High Density Lipoproteins  checked , whatever they are . 

Your comrade , Ken .