Friday, November 29, 2024

Reference :- Former radio shock jock and Sky News presenter , Alan Jones , is facing charges of sexual misconduct .

Reference :-  Sky News has not given much air time to the Alan Jones story . 

Dear Alan , 

                    What a disgrace our media have become .  Apart from your old employer , Sky News , the vultures in the mainstream media have been feasting on stories about your alleged misconduct .   But as your compadre and soul mate , Peta Credlin , so brilliantly stated  " in this country you are innocent until proven guilty "  . Good on her for showing such strong support . She further stated that she had associated with you in " many contexts "  .  No doubt many others have, and I daresay the courts will be hearing from them too , so you have nothing to worry about . 

It was with great disappointment that I watched young Andrew Bolt's guarded response to those vile allegations . But Andy has never been a team player like you .   Remember how he dropped poor Chris Smith like a hot spud ...... and  then watched gleefully as Chris was carted off to the loony bin after allegedly pulling his pecker out at that Sky News Christmas party ?   

So while you may find the lack of support displayed by the Sky News crew  disappointing ,  don't let it get to you .  The Alan Jones we learned to love would tell them all to  " get stuffed   " , and that is what you should do now . 

 Should you find yourself incarcerated for an interminable time in some cold cell devoid of comfort or a TV set , be sure to take a few books with you .  The wheels of justice turn slowly , as we know . 

  For a light witty read , I suggest " The Unexpurgated Code " by J P Donleavy .  On page 43 the chapter headed " Upon the Sudden Reawakening of Your Sordid Background "  will have you in stitches with laughter .   And furthermore , contains useful tips  regarding the denial of scandalous accusations . 

We live in a shallow society where folk are all too ready to believe the worst of a chap , especially a colorful local identity like yourself .    But stay chipper , as always you have plenty of dedicated supporters at your back .

Your comrade , Ken 


 


 

Sunday, November 24, 2024

Reference:- The definition of anti-semitism is rapidly changing . Perhaps you too are now classified as an antisemite ?

 Reference : -  Answer our simple questionnaire to discover whether you are now a bona fide antisemite .

For each of the following questions simply answer  ' Yes " or " No " . 

1 .   Do you think that the International Criminal Court has any credibility ?  

2.    Are there any innocents among the dead in Gaza ? 

3.   Was the recent soccer hooligan violence in Amsterdam  partly initiated by Israeli team supporters?  

4.   Is it absurd to say that 45,000 slaughtered Gazans were used by Hamas as human shields . 

5.   Have any Palestinians been imprisoned unreasonably or tortured ? 

6.   Do you ever question the description of the IDF as the most ethical army in the world ? 

7 .  Do you think killing Palestinians in the West Bank and taking their land violates international law ?

8.   Can any country justify not supporting Israel with weapons in it's hour of need ? 

9.   Do you think that starting wars with Lebanon and Iran may be unwise  ? 

10.  And lastly , thinking of the timely sex crime allegations against Karin Khan , the ICC chief prosecutor  , do you think those accusations could possibly be untrue if Mossad made them ?

For each question score zero points if you answered " no " . 

For each question score one point if you answered "yes " . 

Clearly the minimum score is zero , and the maximum score is 10 . 

If you scored 1 or higher , you are an appalling antisemite . 

You may be able to redeem yourself by the following measures . 

A.  Read the book  " The Diary of Anne Frank " 

B.  Watch Paul Newman in the movie " Exodus " 

C  Watch the movie " Schindler's List " . 

D. Watch Mr Netanyahu's recent speech to the USA Congress , complete with 58 standing ovations .

If after taking these measures you answer the questionaire again , and still score 1 or more , you should hang your head in shame . 

Also , it might be wise to engage the services of a good lawyer . You never know when somebody you  don't recognise might confront you noisily in a public place screeching scandalous accusations of disgraceful sexual misconduct committed in a past decade scarcely remembered .  

You have been warned .   

Have a nice day , 

Your comrade , Ken





Sunday, November 17, 2024

Reference:- What is the so called "political spectrum "?

Reference :-  We hear so much about "leftists "  and " the right " .  But we seldom hear a definition of these terms . 

We were chowing down on our cornflakes this morning , watching the news on the tele ,  when Ken junior brought up the topic of politics .   Out of the blue , just like that , Ken junior posed a tricky question . 

"  What is a Leftist ? " ,  Ken junior said . 

"  They are your commies and socialists . " ,  I said . 

"  What is their manifesto ? " , Ken junior said . 

" They want to rule the world , oppose free speech , and their evil dictatorships killed millions of innocents " , I said . 

" Did they have any famous leaders ? " , Ken junior said . 

" Stalin in Russia , Mao Zedong in  China , Pol Pot in Cambodia  " , I said .

Ken junior scraped the last few soggy cornflakes out of his bowl . 

" So if they are the poster boys of the left , did they believe in gay marriage , free medical care , equal pay for women , abortion rights , preferred pronouns , gender reassignment surgery , renewable energy , and environmentalism ? " , Ken junior said . 

At this stage Gabbo interrupted .  

" I don't think so . " Gabbo said . 

" So what is the manifesto of the " right " ? ,  Ken junior said . 

" The " right " believes in individual freedom , the rule of law , peace , the ability of everybody to enjoy the prosperity offered by the capitalist system  and democracy "  ,  I said . 

"  That sounds great . Does the the " right " have poster boys too ? " , Ken junior said . 

Gabbo interrupted again . 

 "  Famous poster boys of the right include  Mussolini , Hitler and Franco " , Gabbo said . 

" Did they believe in free speech , peace , democratic elections , and  the rule of law " , Ken junior said , 

"  They wanted to rule the world , opposed free speech , and their evil dictatorships killed millions of people . " ,  Gabbo said . 

"  I am confused . " Ken junior said . 

" For the love of God , Gabbo , stop confusing Ken junior. " , I said . 

" Can't you think of a simple definition ? " Ken junior said . 

Gabbo thought for awhile . 

  "   Alright , how about this ?  I will write  it down and put it on the fridge door with one of those Kooralya Pub fridge magnets  . " ,  Gabbo said . 

Gabbo wrote his definition in a notepad , tore out the page , and  stuck it on the fridge door beside Monte's picture of a 650 Yamaha doing a wheelie . 

  It reads :- 

     Left wing politicians are any politicians that right wing politicians despise  . 

     Right wing politicians are any politicians that left wing politicians despise . 

 I am glad Gabbo has cleared that up for us . 

Your comrade , Ken .


 




Friday, November 8, 2024

Reference :- Australia's ABC Journalist , David Speers , interviewed former Australian Prime Minister , Scott Morrison .

 Reference :-   Former Australian P.M. ,  Mr Scott Morrison , gave his opinion regarding the outcome of the USA election . 

Dear Mr Morrison ,

                                     Well done Sir , I say , well done . Out of an eight minute interview you dedicated a generous two minutes to discussing the topic ( as a polite gesture  ) ,  before launching into a six minute advertisement for your employer , American Global Strategies . Those Global Strategy guys can hardly expect to impress their shareholders unless we Aussies fear a major conflict with China , and your job relies upon such fear .   You sure managed to ramp that up during your interview . And to those who object to your buddying up with warmongers , I simply say this . Christopher Pyne and Julie Bishop have done the same , and who is complaining about that ? 

 It is impressive , Mr Morrison , that you now count Mr Mike Pompeo and Mr Robert O'Brien among your friends . If anybody knows how to start a war those guys do . And nothing makes money like a war ..... or at least the fear of war , however unlikely  . 

Anyway Mr Morrison , keep up the good work . But I must warn you that there is talk at home of your name appearing in the re-opened inquiry into that Robot Debt fiasco .  It seems unfair that you should be pursued until the end of time for a minor error that caused a few deaths . You must feel like Adolf Eichmann .  Take my advice and be sure to skim as much moola out of arms sales as you can .  The Aussie taxpayer will be shelling out billions for that dodgy AUKUS deal , so make sure your snout is deep in the trough .  You might need the cash to pay for the necessary silks to get you off an eventual criminal charge related to Robot Debt .  ( You know , perjury , that sort of thing.  )    But please , don't let such ruminations cause you any sleepless nights . 

Your comrade  , 

Ken



Saturday, November 2, 2024

Reference :- Israeli Prime Minister , Mr Netanyahu , is finding that many soldiers in the Israeli Defense Force are reluctant to return to Northern Gaza .

 Reference:-  Nobody enjoys repeating a job that they thought they had completed weeks ago . 

Dear Mr Netanyahu , 

                                   It sure is becoming tedious , this war in Gaza.  And now you have to find some way to incentivise soldiers who are loath to return to the battlefield in the North , which has become re-infested with returning locals ...... I mean evil terrorists .  As an older chap , I cannot imagine what would entice  me to risk life and limb in a labyrinth of unwinnable urban warfare .  Fortunately I can rely on Ken junior , callow youth as he is , for suggestions . He belongs to the same age group as those who are fighting for the survival of the State of Israel , so his advice is likely to be pertinent . 

 Ken junior reckons that your soldiers seemed very pleased with themselves during the early stages of the war .  He says that there are dozens of posts from the early days visible on those so called " social media sites " , with photos (and even little movies  ) of chaps having a rip roaring time .  You know , raiding pantries, blowing up universities , trashing houses ,  crushing all sorts of civilian goods and chattels under tank tracks and the like . In particular Ken junior reckons the most fun was had when soldiers dressed up in stolen women's underwear , and smashed children's toys  ( dolls and so on ) to smithereens .  

It must be disappointing for soldiers to return only to find Gaza so ruined that there are no undies or toys to relax with after a stressful day shooting anything that moves . 

Ken junior reckons that a few planeloads of saucy lingerie and baby dolls dropped into  the conflict zone would cheers the lads up no end . Maybe a few tricycles as well .  Such items are cheap as chips compared with the cost of 2000 pound bombs , and you might be surprised by how much they lift morale .  

Personally , I think the stench of rotting corpses is probably a bit off putting for some .  Incense sticks might provide useful aromatherapy for soldiers  camping overnight .   Fortunately close to half of the corpses are children , and they will decompose faster than the adults , so don't over-order the frankincense and myrrh , which is what I believe you people favour in the Levant . 

( Ken junior tells me the frankincense and myrrh reference is from the New Testament , which Zionists don't take as gospel , so to speak .  But I reckon that perfumey stuff must have been around way back during the reign of King David . There were plenty of rotting corpses in those days too , by all accounts . )

Your comrade ,

Ken 

PS .  Don't let your soldiers film themselves larking about this time . The International Criminal Court is run by a humorless bunch of old pettiffoggers who can't take a joke . Nobody wants to be arrested while holidaying in other climes , like that poor young  IDF soldier Moche Avichzer . Last I heard he had been arrested  in Morocco after sharing a few photos of his activities in Gaza with the locals . Who would have guessed  that Morocco would be full of self -righteous wowsers ?