Reference :- Things have been pretty quiet at Kooralya lately , so Ken junior decided to apply for a job in Mr Netanyahu's public relations department . Here is his letter .
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Dear Mr Netanyahu , Sir ,
This letter may come as a surprise , and obviously you do not know me personally , although it is likely that you may at least be a regular reader of The Sky Reply . I know you are busy running a genocide , or rather " proportionate response " in Gaza , but hopefully you have the time to read this , since I am sure you will find it helpful. During your recent statement at a press conference in Jerusalem you mentioned that you struggle to deal with the mass media these days . There is no shame in that , believe me , and that is what prompted me to take pen in hand .
I must say , and please do not take offense , that whoever runs your PR department and writes your speeches is incompetent at best , and possibly a deliberate traitor . It's a sad fact that many folk only listen to speeches superficially , which means that word choice is very important if you wish to create the right impression .
Your recent speech and press interview only lasted for 23 minutes . Regrettably, your first mistake , and the first mistake of your comrades in the press , was evident almost immediately when you referred to the United States Secretary of State , Mr Antony Blinken , as " Blinken " . This smacks of disrespect , especially since you were always addressed during question time as Mr Prime Minster. It goes without saying that you should show respect to the man who facilitates your access to the weapons of mass destruction that your hero ( to use your word ) soldiers so sorely need . And beyond that , politeness requires little effort , and makes you appear more reasonable to your worldwide audience . ( You know , those other citizens in the world who are not bona fide Zionists . )
To save time , I have simply listed the terms or expressions used during your appearance before your team in the Israeli press which you should consider avoiding. That is , if you wish to limit the number of countries harboring hoards of protestors screaming for your resignation ( or worse ) .
TERM NUMBER OF TIMES USED
VICTORY ( IN GAZA ) 5
OVERWHELMING VICTORY ( IN GAZA) 2
ABSOLUTE VICTORY ( IN GAZA ) 10
Besides conveying the impression that you care nought for the civilians in Gaza .....ahem... remember those charges of genocide ? ...........it is also unwise to set yourself up for failure . What if the victory is only partial ? That might be construed as another or your failures.
KILL ( THE ENEMY ETC ETC) 7
OBLITERATE ( THE ENEMY ETC ETC ) 9
DESTROY ( THE ENEMY ETC ETC ) 12
BROADLY DESCRIBING FOLK AS TERRORISTS 8
CLEANSING ( GAZA ETC ETC ) 5
ENDING /RESTRICTING HUMANITARIAN AID (GAZA) 9
You have to admit that these words could be seen by some as being warlike or genocidal . Perhaps such words must be spoken , once or twice , but one should avoid plagiarising a Nuremberg Rally speech . You should have emphasised other terms in your speech that might improve your image and provide balance . The following may be helpful .
TERM NUMBER OF TIMES YOU USED IT
" MISTER " BIDEN 0
PEACE 0
THANKS TO SUPPORT FROM THE USA 0
REGRETTABLE CIVILIAN CASUALTIES 0
CEASEFIRE 0
NEGOTIATION 0
VITAL HUMANITARIAN AID 0
COOPERATE WITH THE INTERNATIONAL COURT OF JUSTICE 0
COOPERATE WITH THE UNITED NATIONS 0
COOPERATE WITH THE INTERNATIONAL PRESS 0
The last one works well , because if you try to deny deliberately killing hundreds of press reporters you can't avoid using the word " kill " which is on the no-no list above .
Anyway , Mr Netanyahu , you are welcome to the above advice gratis , but in closing I would ask that you consider employing me as a full time member of your PR team . I am not myself of the Jewish faith , but I understand that a man of your stature would not be bothered by that . We are all equal in the eyes of God , even if we don't believe in him, are we not ?
I daresay you could get me on one of those free propaganda flights to Israel that your lobbyists arrange for various influential movers and shakers , since I am short of funds at present .
Regarding remuneration , I am not up to date with the current exchange rate for the Shekel , but my needs are little , and all I will require is a room in a bomb - free zone , my Remington , and ready access to a local establishment that serves hearty Kosher meals , and is fully licensed , of course.
Looking forward to your reply ,
Your comrade , Ken junior .
PS I would prefer a room with no mosques , churches , schools , refugee camps or hospitals nearby for obvious reasons .......also no kindergartens .
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We all reckon Ken junior could be in with a chance . Here's hoping .
Your comrade , Ken
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