Reference :- The Victorian election is over , and we now know who won , and who lost .

 Reference :-   Today is a sad day for the Sky News team , especially Peta Credlin . 

 

Dear Peta , 

                   Watching Mr Daniel Andrews ( AKA  " Deadly Dan "  , " Dangerous Dan "  , " Dictator Dan " , and " the most corrupt politician in history " ) win office for an historic third term must have been a truly awful experience .  Our thoughts are with you , especially since you put so much effort into destroying the man's reputation with that damning documentary you released on the eve of the election , as a service to the community . 

I was glued to the tube all night watching the results roll in , although Ken junior said he was tired and hit the sack early after losing interest , as young folk usually do .  Mind you ,  considering he was tired there was a lot of noise coming from his bedroom  for quite a while .  In the morning I asked Ken junior to guess how the election had finished . 

" Have a guess how the election finished . "  , I said . 

" I reckon Peta Credlin lost . " , Ken junior said . 

And sadly , he was right .  There is no changing that , but try to keep a stiff upper lip .  The following advice might prove helpful . 

1.     Don't hit the bottle and risk being booked for drink driving .  You got away with that the last time , after the judge let you off the hook , but that was in the days when the tories ran the country and you can't expect such courtesy now the socialists are in power  . 

2.    Don't wear black when you host your next show .  You did that when Mr Morrison's government was unfairly cast into oblivion , and even then it looked a tad comical .  Doing it again would have the lads at The Sky Reply laughing their heads off.

3.   Don't blame the voters or reference " Stockholm syndrome "  .  It looks grubby .  Leave that to Paul Murray 

4.   As they say , " Every setback is an opportunity ", so this must be a huge opportunity indeed .  Take the time to embrace it fully . 

5.  Excuse my presumption , but since everybody you support suffers humiliating defeat  , perhaps you should consider a strategy where you pretend to support anybody that you want ousted .   Would Mr Andrews have won if you had spent weeks promoting him on your show ?   To many folk his roundish features might start to resemble a poisoned apple .  Are you with me ? 

Anyway Peta ,  try to enjoy the remainder of the weekend , and give your car keys to a friend for safe keeping .   We look forward to seeing you colorfully dressed on your next show , which will show everybody that you don't feel humiliated by your defeat .   

Your comrade, Ken