Reference :- It's been a dull Christmas here at Kooralya .

Reference :- With the Sky News anchors on holidays , or in rehab , or getting their Botox injections , or whatever it is they do over Christmas , there has been little work for us here at The Sky Reply .  

After dealing with all the usual Christmas chores  , it was time to slip down to the Post Office and collect the mail .   We like to keep a list of the things we must attend to once the Christmas festivities have ended . It's much the same every year . A trip to the local tip with lots of wrapping paper , boxes , rotting food , and piles of empty booze bottles.  A couple of sympathy calls  to friends whose partners left them after a Christmas Day argument .  A Boxing Day sale excursion to the general store to stock up on 303 cartridges .  A phone call to the Kooralya cop shop to see if anybody needs bailing out . And a visit to the hospital to cheer those who were injured in a brawl at the pub or came down with sudden inexplicable pancreatitis . 

Anyway , we were greatly pleased to find a dodger in the mail explaining the government's strategy for the imminent federal election .  It's been a tough few years , and citizens are looking for something fresh to buoy their spirits .  And Mr Morrison's team has not let us down .   Marketing gurus tell us that a three word catch phrase is what folk respond to , and the LNP has come up with a beauty . 

The economy is fighting back , we are told ,  and it is up to us as individuals to join with the economy as it fights back  .   That is sound advice , since nobody would wish to be left behind as the economy gets back into it's stride .  So the new catch phrase is  " Growth and Jobs ".   What  a refreshing change from the tired old slogan " Jobs and Growth  that miraculously saw the Tories win the last election . 

That's the thing about the LNP , they have the talent to produce fresh ideas and innovate as the need arises .  I reckon they have the next election in the bag already . 

Your comrade , Ken

Reference :- What has become of Rowan Dean's Ice Age Watch ?

 Reference :-  Just when we need it most , Rowan Dean's Ice Age Watch has taken a sabbatical . 

Dear Rowan , 

                          Obviously a hard working weather boy needs a break from time to time , especially now the festive season is upon us .  Out here in Kooralya we don't experience the throngs of joyful Christmas shoppers spreading goodwill through every carpark and mall , like you do in the big smoke .  And worse still , we also don't enjoy the comfort of air conditioning . The only place in Kooralya  with air conditioning used to be the local pub , but we don't even have that these days .   The rooftop evaporative unit above the bar started to develop an unsavory odor , so the publican shut it down before we all came down with legionnaires disease .  The savings on his electricity bill have discouraged him from installing another unit . 

Anyway Rowan , I am writing to request that you run another Ice Age Watch segment .   We are experiencing ( like most of the country ) another of those" once in a hundred years " heat waves .  That's the fifth one we have faced since pussy was a kitten , and we find the sight of you shivering and rubbing your hands together in front of a video of a snowfield does take our minds off our predicament .    There must be some latitude experiencing a cold snap right now , so please tell us all about it . And with plenty of pictures . 

All we get on the tele lately is more grim news about heatwaves and maps of Australia painted bright red . For the love of God , who needs that when the sweat is rolling down their cheeks ? 

 I would offer to ask our cousin Boris in Russia to forward you some polaroids of Siberia  to use , but sadly we haven't heard from him since his house fell over . I think it was because a structurally vital layer of permafrost melted under his stumps .  

Please help us out .  I sure wish this Ice Age you keep telling us about would hurry up . 

Your comrade , Ken .

Reference:- What is a reasonable national debt figure , we wonder ?

Reference :-  The LNP government has always been obsessed with the level of federal government debt .

What level of government debt should we consider  acceptable ?   Fortunately the LNP keeps us regularly informed .  After Labor took office in 2007 the LNP called the debt of 48 billion  back then " unbearable " .  By 2013 , despite one of those global economic crises that the banking sector runs on a regular basis , and despite having been the world's  best performing economy for 3 consecutive years , the LNP called  " Labor's debt " of 160 billion quid " crippling " and " exorbitant " .   

The LNP snatched the financial reins of the country in 2013 , and we now have a debt of 940 billion quid, which is close to six times the debt they inherited from Labor .

 This they describe as " manageable ". 

 It's hard for me to understand the logic of all this . I guess there are many complex factors to consider when deciding the significance of the debt .  I mentioned this to Ken junior . 

" I guess the significance of the debt must depend on many complex factors .   Like maybe iron ore prices , and GDP and interest rates and  inflation and energy prices and  the like . "  ,  I said . 

 " And which way the wind is blowing . " , Ken junior said . 

Ken junior never misses an opportunity to reference sustainable  energy . 

Your comrade , Ken . 

 

Reference :- We have been told the budget deficit is not as bad as we feared .

Reference :-   The budget deficit figure miraculously came in below 100 billion quid .  What a relief .  

It was with a great sense of relief that we received the news that the budget deficit estimate has come in at an entirely manageable 99 billion quid .   Prime Minister Morrison ( AKA Scotty from marketing )  must be pleased , what with an election looming and all . 

 Sadly we don't have time for a lengthy Sky Reply today .  The local store has a Christmas sale running , and we want to check out some more of the bargains on offer.  Ken junior already bought a  Christmas ham  for  9.99 ,  and Monte picked up some quality gym boots for 99.99 .  I scored  a really impressive tool set for 999.99 .    I have wanted one for ages , but simply couldn't  bring myself to fork out more than a grand .  I mean seriously , you would have to be mad to spend over a grand on a tool set . 

The new tool set looks great mounted on the shed wall , but after I got it home I realised it didn't include any long sockets or ratchet ring spanners .   Sadly those items are not on special , so I will have to shell out full price for those when I buy them today to complete the set .  But what the heck , the original price  was such a bargain . 

Gabbo reckons I have been a victim of slick marketing . But I told him we never see  slick marketing here in Kooralya , and Australian's in general  are too smart to be fooled by slick marketing . 

Or lies , for that matter . 

Your comrade , Ken 

 

 

                                         

Reference :- Our Prime Minister is on the campaign trail .

Reference :- You don't have to be corrupt to win preselection  for an LNP seat . But it helps . 

Dear Mr Morrison sir , 

This sure is a tough election you are confronting .  However , since you are an experienced marketer , we feel you must be in your element . Let's face it , running things is not your strong suit , but sales pitches are right up your proverbial alley . 

( Ken junior  just said that he thinks  your proverbial alley is more of a cul -de -sac , whatever that means .  )

Here at the Sky Reply , the lads expressed their surprise when they heard that you had asked  the former Premier of NSW , Gladys Berejiklian , to stand for the LNP in the seat of Warringah . 

" Gladys is under investigation for corruption. ",   Gabbo said . 

 " She won't have  time to campaign while dealing with her legal nightmares . " , Monte  said . 

"  Are you allowed to run for office while under investigation for corruption ? " ,  Ken junior said 

But Mr Morrison , sir , they have obviously missed the point . 

 I reckon it is a great idea to run somebody who already stands accused  of corruption . It means  you need not fear that an investigation will suddenly appear from left field and dominate the front pages of the tabloids at an inopportune moment . There has been too much of that lately .  Better the devil you know , and by the time they set up the polling booths the Gladys affair will be as stale as this year's Christmas cake . 

Furthermore , she would be a great ally in your battle against that Independent Commission Against Corruption mob .  Obviously there are already plenty of LNP politicians who would soil themselves if they thought an ICAC had access to their filing cabinet , but having one more with much to lose would still be a big help .   And it's a battle you must win .  Just think of the money an ICAC will cost if it goes ahead .  And if it does , make sure you have pushed through that bill which provides taxpayer funding for politician's legal fees well ahead of time .  It is sure to keep a few mouths shut .  I mean , what sort of a democracy do we have  if politicians can't bankrupt whistleblowers in court without putting their own spondula on the line ?

Your comrade , Ken .  

P.S.   Ken junior recently scored a few boxes of black felt pens in a job lot at an auction where he bought some office supplies .  They are surplus to requirements , so he if happy to donate them to a worthy cause .  You obviously need a plentiful supply for redacting  documents requested under the Freedom of Information Act . If you let us know a mailing address he will forward them .  You will have to pay the postage on delivery .  We are a bit short of funds here at the Sky Reply , but understand you are well cashed up down there in Canberra . 

Reference :- Is Sky News genuinely losing it's mojo ?

 Reference :-   We might be witnessing the decline of Sky News . Or is it just the impact of the holiday season ? 

Dear troubled Sky News team , 

What to do , what to do ?   Young Rowan Dean has stopped banging on about the coming ice age . Alan Jones has been sacked . Andrew Bolt has had nothing of interest to say in weeks.  Chris Kenny's reports  have become so puerile that even his long term followers are turning away in droves .  And Peta Credlin spends much of her time carefully writing and presenting  her apologies for spreading harmful misinformation . 

This is not the Sky News for which we once wrote our " fuller appreciations " , and the lads here at The Sky Reply are feeling pretty frustrated .   Sky News has even lost it's enthusiasm for supporting the coalition , despite the looming election .  

Ken junior tells me not to despair .   For starters he reckons he could see the defiance simmering beneath the surface of Peta Credlin's forced apology , so she is far from being a spent force .  She might miss her interviews with Jonesie , but then again she won't have to deal with his frequent cringeworthy suggestions that she become Prime Minister .  He also reckons that a country somewhere or other is bound to experience unseasonal blizzards before long , which will give Rowan Dean some material he can whip into another trademark " Ice Age Watch " .  

 Well, it's nice of Ken junior to be optimistic , but I fear that the Sky News hosts have lost their team spirit and have no direction . What is needed is a common cause . Clearly it is no longer wise for Sky News to focus on spreading misinformation about climate change and immigrants and  renewable energy and the pandemic and the economy and assorted individuals and ... ...well you get my drift .   You have been shut down or faced legal action too many times over such matters .   Furthermore  the " can do "  business community ( refreshed as it is by taxpayer funds )  is starting to reconsider it's position on many crucial issues , and you risk biting the hand that feeds you if you stick to your tired old narratives . 

But look .  Sky News may be suffering a disaster at the moment , but as they say , every disaster is an opportunity , so this must be a very big opportunity indeed .    Our team here has been working on a few ideas you could run with in the New Year . An election is looming , and according to the polls , Mr Morrison is currently stuck  in second place . Imagine how proud you would be if you could convince the great unwashed to vote for him again and hand him a win ?  

 It's a goal worthy of the Sky News team of old , but how to do it ? 

More to follow . 

Your comrade , Ken

 

Reference :- The Sky Reply team has been preoccupied of late .

Reference :-  Despite  the plethora of disconcerting news , The Sky Reply staff have been too busy to comment .

So much is happening . The year's final rowdy display of stupidity and bad manners that we refer to as sessions of parliament is a rich source of inspiration for the Sky Reply team , but we are too busy to respond .  Let us explain . 

 Tomorrow will see the launching of our book " The Sky Reply " .   It contains 334 sky replies , which cover a year of Sky News . And what a year it was . 

The book launch has kept us busy with preparations .  It is an interesting experience reviewing one's own work .  What was our goal ? Did we have a goal ? Have our views changed ? Might we have changed the views of others ? Have our predictions been accurate ?   Are we pleased with our work ?  It is very complicated .  

Furthermore , what does one say at a book launch ?    Monte reckons the most important thing to say is that the books cost 25 quid each and we don't accept credit cards .

Anyway , to  use an analogy , we are like a builder pondering the progress  of his project .  We are generally pleased with the standard of workmanship , but the design could have been better .  

 This is something we must address . 

Your comrade , Ken .