Reference :- Deputy Leader of the National Party , Bridget McKenzie slipped 36,000 quid of grant money to her shooting club in Wangaratta . Oh , and was so busy blasting away that she forgot to mention it .
Never mind Bridget , all will be forgiven . A mere 36 grand pales when compared with the destination of much of the other 100 million you gave yourself the right to spend . Shame on the press for reporting it as though it was some kind of deplorable turpitude .
We have a shooting club up here in Kooralya . My son Ken junior , and his mates Monte ( the motorcyclist ) and Gabbo ( the aborigine ) are keen members . Since they are also keen pigeon racers , they baulked at the expression " clay pigeon shooting ", and prefer to call their targets "clay cane toads " .
The lads thought you might like to come up for a day , and show them a few pointers . You have to be a member , but they are prepared to sign you in gratis , and supply sausages and coleslaw for lunch . ( If you are a vegan , let us know and we can do a baked spud instead )
The break would do you good , especially since the tabloids have been giving you a flogging of late . Thank heavens Mr Morrison has your back . He is a skilled marketer and your "brand" , as they say these days , will be back on the top shelf before you know it .
You are quite welcome to stay in the sleep out , and we should have finished putting a door on it by the time you get here . Not that it is unsafe here in Kooralya , but it will keep the mosies out .
Do you enjoy the occasional wager ? Gabbo ( the aborigine ) reckons he is a crack shot with a firearm because he is related to a soldier from WW2 he calls his great uncle Reg . He reckons uncle Reg was made an officer during WW2 , though he could be exaggerating . Monte ( the motorcyclist ) looked it up in the Britannica , and thinks it is true . He reckons the black and white photo sure does look a lot like Gabbo.
Anyway , Gabbo's shooting makes Annie Oakley look like a beginner , and he is keen to take you on .
Without being too presumptuous , are you able to swing a grant our way ? We could do with some solar panels on the club house . My son , Ken junior , recently fitted solar to our outhouse , and did a marvelous job . A grant of 10 grand should cover it , and if there is any left over we might be able to refill the water tank as well.
If you can help us , we will make sure your visit coincides with one of our " free bottle of Pink Yellowglen at every table " lunch days . We generally run those every second Tuesday , but will gladly change the day to suit your busy schedule .
Looking forward to your reply , Your comrade , Ken .
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